


Bonds

by TinkaWrites



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: AU, F/M, Post-Last Jedi AU, Reylo - Freeform, Stormpilot, The Last Jedi - Freeform, The Rise of Skywalker - Freeform, tlj - Freeform, tros
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:29:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 52,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21984451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinkaWrites/pseuds/TinkaWrites
Summary: Set after The Last Jedi: They think their bond is destroyed with Snoke dead, but it only continues to grow, bringing them loser against every logic. Lines between enemies and lovers start to blur and a new unexpected path is forged. No First Order, no Rebellion, just them on their own journey to find freedom.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 25
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> So, I originally started writing this as a One Shot after The Last Jedi, because I was deep down in my Reylo hole. The story took a life of its own and I wrote like 10 Chapters and published them under a different name on a different platform, but then life got in the way and I'm sure you know the drill. But, considering recent... canon bullshit, I decided to republish and finish it as my way to cope. English is not my mother-tongue, so I'm sorry for grammar and spelling mistakes. I'm also sorry if the editing sucks, trying to fix it once I get a hold of this site.

_**Bonds** _

**Chapter One**

_“Take this sinking boat and point it home  
We've still got time  
Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice  
You've made it known”  
Falling Slowly, Glen Hansard & Markéta Irglová_

She was alone. Finally, alone. They retreated to another old rebel base on yet another small planet no one would be looking for them. She withdrew from the others into one of the empty chambers and fell on the cold hard bed. It was better than nothing.  
She buried her head into the dusty pillow and closed her eyes. So, this was what her life was going to be like from now on. Walking into the footsteps of the legendary Luke Skywalker, being the last Jedi to fight for the resistance, every day another battle, always running for her life.  
She knew she chose this, yet she wondered if that was really what she was supposed to be. Luke died before she had the chance to really learn from him, before she could truly ask him what her path would be. But then again, didn’t he make the choice for her? Wasn’t it him who indirectly put her into this position? Be the new him?  
She sat up and groaned. She was tired and sad and angry. And lonely. Oh, she felt so lonely. Despite having Finn back and BB-8, meeting Poe and being with General Leia again, she still felt lonely. There was a void in her heart and she was terrified to admit what caused it.  
“He is dead.”  
A deep voice suddenly said from behind her.  
She jumped on her feet, reaching for the lightsaber that wasn’t there anymore. “What are you doing here? Get out of my head!” This couldn’t be happening again, not with Snoke dead.  
“I’m not doing anything. I thought it was you.” He said causally, but she could see it in his eyes, he was just as tired and defeated as she was.  
“Snoke is dead. How can this still be happening?” Her voice was more controlled now, she didn’t have the strength to yell at him anymore.  
He shrugged. “Guess Snoke was not as in touch with the Force as he thought he was.” He studied her for a moment, she stiffened under his dark eyes. “They think you killed him.” He confessed.  
“I don’t care” And she meant it. Did it really matter anymore? Ben Solo might have killed Supreme Leader Snoke, but Kylo Ren still chose darkness over light. “Congratulations to your new position, Supreme Leader.” She snorted.  
He flinched, only for a second but she could see it. What was it? Regret? Sadness? Uncertainty?  
“I thought I’d feel free once he is dead.”  
“Snoke? Or Luke?” She asked, her heart growing heavy thinking about the Master she only shortly had. She didn’t spend much time with Luke, only caught glimpses of the man she heard about in Legends, his loss wasn’t as crushing as Han’s, still she grieved, not for herself, but the Galaxy and Leia and yes, even Ben.  
She sat down on her uncomfortable bed again, locking eyes with him. He quickly looked away.  
“I don’t know.” He confessed. “Both, I think.”  
She understood. She didn’t want to admit it, but she understood. He has always been torn between two masters, two sides, two lives and now both of them were gone and yet the liberation he wanted didn’t came, he was still lost.  
“I’m tired.” She said and lay back, with her eyes closed.  
He didn’t say anything, but she could still feel his presence. She wasn’t scared or unnerved, despite everything that had happened between them and eventually she fell into a dreamless sleep.  
+++++++++++  
She wasn’t so tired the next time he appeared to her. She had time to let everything that had happened sink in and she was done bottling it up.  
“You could have chosen the Light and yet you decided to fall deeper into the Dark!” She shouted. “I wanted to help you, I promised you, you were not alone!”  
“I offered you my hand!” He shouted back. “I wanted to –“  
“Rule the Galaxy with me?” Her voice was desperately high pitched now, “That is not the right way and you know it!”  
“What is right then?” His voice was calmer now, he ran his hands through his dark hair, trying to steady his breathing. She had a way to unnerve him without even trying. “Dark, Light…what does it even matter?”  
“What matters are the choices we make.” She stood for that, but he had a point, hadn’t he? In the old days they might believed in a simple distinction between Light and Dark, but was that still a given? Wasn’t Ben Solo himself a walking contradiction? Wasn’t she herself pulled into different directions?  
He laughed quietly. It was a sad laugh, filled with pain and sorrow. “Are we even making our own choices or are we just doing what everyone expects us to do?” This time it was him locking eyes with her. His intensity was undeniable, there was so much within these eyes, it was almost crushing.  
She studied his face, looking for an answer. Was he right? Were they just walking a predestined path everyone expected them to choose? The Jedi and the Sith, the hero and the villain?  
When she didn’t respond he turned around. “Goodnight, Rey.” The way he pronounced her name made her heart skip beat. He was a monster, she had to remind herself, he was the enemy.  
“Ben, wait!” She grabbed his arm, holding him back. She wasn’t sure why she did it, it just felt right.  
Electricity shot through him. They were light years apart, yet her touch felt so real, as if she was right next to him.  
“That’s not my name anymore.” Ben or Kylo? If he was being honest, he had no idea who he was, he lost that sense of self a long time ago.  
“To me it is.” She whispered, her voice so sweet, so full of hope. He turned around, locking their eyes again. What was it about her that always drew him back into her orbit? Was it the Force influencing them or were they influencing the Force?  
“Why are you doing this?” He asked quietly.  
It confused her. “Doing what?”  
So innocent, so strong. She deserved better than to be bounded to his shadows. “Acting like there is still good in me, like I’m still redeemable.” She opened her mouth, but he didn’t let her talk, not this time. As much as he wanted her to join him, in this very moment his wish to protect her from the darkness that grabbed him was stronger. Maybe she would ultimately be the one to end him, but not at the cost of that Light inside of her. He didn’t understand his own feelings, but he needed her to see that what she was doing would most likely destroy her. “I killed my father. I killed rebels. I killed innocents. I don’t need your help. Nor your pity. I chose this. This is who I am.”  
She stared at him. She reached out her hand to touch him, but decided against it. “I know.” Her trembling voice almost broke him into a half. “And I should hate you, should want you dead…But I have seen a different future.”  
“The future is what we make it, not what the Force decides.” With that their connection broke and he disappeared.  
+++++++++++++  
He didn’t see her for a couple of days, he thought maybe their connection was broken for good this time. He knew he should feel relieved by that, their bond was a liability and a distraction and that weasel Hux only waited for his chance to get the better of him, yet it was only sorrow he felt.  
Rey might have been his enemy, but she was also the only person he ever truly felt connected to. There was something about her. Kindred spirit.  
He went into his room. The day had been long and exhausting. He hated to admit it, but being the new Supreme Leader didn’t give him the freedom he wanted. He still felt empty.  
He tossed his shirt aside, ready to call it a night, to give into his long-suffering nightmares when suddenly she was there again.  
“Not that again.” She quickly turned around with a blush on her cheeks.  
It shouldn’t amuse him that she obviously felt some sort of physical attraction towards him, but it did. In fact, it delighted him, and he didn’t remember to have ever felt like this before.  
“Put on a shirt!” She hissed at him.  
He chuckled, genuinely this time. He cursed the Force for bringing her back to him again, he told her he was beyond redemption and whatever they were doing would only cause harm, but deep down he was glad that for some reason he got to see her.  
“You crashed into my room and make demands?” He raised an eyebrow.  
She turned around, her eyes fixed on him. She didn’t want to look, but she couldn’t help it. When they first met she expected to find a monster under his mask, something uncanny, instead he was just a man. A handsome man that is. Her eyes went over his body. She gulped, heat spreading all through her. He shouldn’t have this effect on her.  
“You’re starring.” He stated.  
“No, I’m not.” She laughed nervously.  
It was intriguing to him, a new side of her. He had never seen her flustered before. She had always been this strong and smart warrior, compassionate and kind, but never nervous like this.  
She walked towards him, his eyes following her curiously. “I was worried.” She confessed and sat down on his bed.  
“Worried?” He carefully sat down next to her. She looked so small next to him, he never noticed that before.  
“Yeah. I didn’t see you for a couple of days.”  
It astonished him. She was worried, despite everything he had done, everything he had told her.  
“Shouldn’t you be glad if the connection is broken?”  
She shrugged and played with her hands. Still nervous. That woman seriously confused him. “I was…at first. But…I guess I’ve gotten used to you…besides…” She stopped herself from saying more. It would just go back to the same back and forth between them, her wanting him to come back to the Light and him trying to get her to join the Dark Side or convincing her he was beyond redemption, so she decided against it. Instead she let herself fall back on his bed, starring at the ceiling.  
“Ben?”  
He looked at her. Something was different today. She was more relaxed. She didn’t talk about the Force or the Resistance or the War.  
“Hm?”  
“Your bed is way more comfortable than mine.”  
His eyes widened. He expected anything but that. “What is going on with you?” He asked.  
“Nothing.” She rolled on her side, looking back at him. “I just felt lonely.”  
He hesitated for a second, before he lay down beside her. It was so intimate, so vulnerable, so very unlike everything he ever felt. “You are with your friends.”  
“I know.” Guilt washed over her face. She loved Finn and Chewie, Poe was a great guy and she started to adore Rose, but she couldn’t help what she was feeling inside. They would never truly get her, not completely. They didn’t understand the constant struggle, the pull and push, the confusion of that larger than life energy growing inside of her. “I kept it a secret. Our bond.”  
“Me too.” There was no way he was going to tell Hux or anyone else about it. They would try to use it against her and the resistance and he wasn’t going to allow that. This bond, our bond, her voice echoing inside his mind, was personal.  
She carefully reached out her hand, for a moment she thought he would get up and pull away from her again, but to her surprise, he stayed still. She intertwined their fingers. Again, that spark. The same spark she felt in front of the fireplace when they first touched.  
“Stay” He said so quietly she almost didn’t hear it.  
She closed her eyes. “Yeah”  
+++++++++++++++  
She accepted that they could not shake their bond. If she was being honest, she was glad that whatever it was, it kept going on.  
She trained during the days, went on scouting missions, fought off First Order troopers and spent time with her friends, rebuilding the rebellion, but it was the nights that she came to cherish most.  
The nights were theirs. It went against all her better judgement. She was aware of the terrible things he had done, aware that one day they would meet on the battlefield again and that nothing, but tragedy could come out of this, yet she needed it. Needed him. She felt like a traitor for even admitting it to herself, but it was the truth.  
The night she appeared in his room changed everything. It wasn’t that she purposely decided to change tactic or anything, she just chose to not to speak about their different sides anymore, not to pressure him for a decision or ask questions he won’t answer. Instead she decided to get to know him. The real him. And he responded by wanting to get to know her.  
“You are fidgeting tonight.” They were in her room this time and she couldn’t sit still. She was walking up and down, moving the few things she had around and redid her hair about every five minutes.  
He sat on her bed, watching her curiously.  
She groaned and crashed down next to him, her feet landing loosely in his lap. It was a familiar gesture, too familiar for two enemies, but she didn’t care. She was beyond caring what was considered norm at this point.  
Her behavior still made him uneasy. He never experienced that kind of familiarity and intimacy before, except for when he was little. It was a jolt that rushed through him whenever she touched him and every morning when he opened his eyes and was alone again, he feared that he would never see her again, would never feel like this again.  
Whatever it was between them, it wasn’t just about Darkness and Light or First Order and Rebellion anymore. It was just them. Not Jedi and Sith. Not enemies. Just Rey and Ben.  
“We are in the middle of a war.” She said in a matter of fact voice.  
He didn’t dare to look at her. Was that the moment they would finally come back to their eternal cycle of different sides and never-ending arguments?  
“And yet my friends are acting so…. strange.” She didn’t have another word for.  
He raised an eyebrow, still deciding against commenting. He knew her well enough now to notice that sometimes he needed to let her keep going.  
“It is like one of those stories some girls told each other on Jakku. Rose is in love with Finn and Finn doesn’t know if he feels the same and it is awkward and then Poe tries to help and makes it worse and then they ask me for advice, like I would know and I’m just…”  
She rambled away. He listened, fascinated by the normalcy of their conversation, of her trust to share those mundane things with him, to discover yet another side of her, a side she maybe wasn’t aware of herself. For a moment he got a glimpse of the girl she could have been growing up under different circumstances.  
“I also think Finn has a thing for Poe…” She said more to herself than to him now. “I’m sorry, I must be boring you.”  
He shook his head. “You are more entertaining than Hux squeaking orders any day.”  
“Before you….” What was she going to say? Before you joined Snoke? Before you chose Darkness? It all sounded wrong in her mind.  
“I never had friends like that.” As if he could read her mind and wanted to save her from that uncomfortable question, he answered it.  
“Not even when you were a kid?” She had been alone her entire life, but it surprised her he had been to, despite being born in a family that was considered somewhat like royalty throughout the Galaxy.  
“The perks of being the son of war heroes and legends.” He hissed with distaste and for a second Ben vanished and Kylo Ren appeared. “I was always treated with kindness and respect, but no one wanted to come too close to the Prince. People walked around me on eggshells. They either had too much respect for my parents and uncle or later feared me for my…” He stopped himself, “Either way, I was never treated like just a normal child.”  
He started to rub her shoulders, without even noticing that he was doing it. “My parents loved me as much as they could, I guess. She was warm and kind and he was…well he was what he was.” He avoided calling out their names as if they had such an immense power over him that he would shatter just letting them roll over his tongue. “But I don’t think they ever truly wanted to have children. Or rather were made for it.” He carefully stopped touching her and got up.  
“They were born into war, born into a rebellion. She was their Princess, their leader. There was always another meeting, another crisis to deal with and when the First Order rose, another rebellion to command. He…he was the outlaw through and through.” He closed his eyes, imagining different times, affection and laughter. He quickly shook it off. “He was gone a lot. She never tried to change him, loved him the way he was. Me on the other hand…I didn’t understand.”  
“You were just a child, how could you?” The compassion in her voice almost killed him. He didn’t want her to pity him, he owned up to his decisions, yet her softness was oddly comforting.  
He walked towards the small window in her cabin, looking into the darkness. This room had become as familiar as his own. At first, he couldn’t see his surroundings when they connected, but just like her physical form became realer each day, places appeared to. “I always felt like an outsider. People pulling and pushing, expectations and destiny thrown at me. Is he a fighter like his father? A leader like his mother? I just wanted…”  
“To be a normal kid.” She finished his sentence. Her experience was different from his, yet she understood where he was coming from. They were both just looking for a place to fit in, to feel loved and safe and to be a part of something. He never opened up to her like this before. It filled her heart with happiness and sorrow at the same time. She was glad that Ben, the man finally decided to reveal his past to her, yet her heart cried out to Ben, the boy whom she desperately wanted to tell that everything was going to be alright.  
“Luke felt that the Force was strong within me from a very young age. My father was against me training to be a Jedi. Despite everything, I think he wanted me to…be more normal. Mother was excited. Of course, I would follow my Uncle’s famous footsteps.”  
He smiled for a second. It was a blink and you miss it moment, but Rey caught it. There was no hatred in his voice, there was only admiration.  
“The other younglings still treated me differently, but I found something I excelled in. Something that gave me purpose and direction.”  
He hesitated to continue. She knew what would come next. Snoke.  
“Snoke talked to me through the Force.”  
She gasped.  
“Not like this. What we have is different.”  
Her heart beat faster. What we have. What exactly was that, she wondered.  
“He tried to tempt me. Of course, he did. I was from the Skywalker bloodline. Vader’s bloodline. And I felt the pull towards the dark side. The voices…”  
She shivered. She heard them too. Felt that pull as well. She knew exactly how hard it was to resist it. She didn’t dare to think about what could have happened if Snoke found her before she met Finn, met Han, met Leia.  
“I tried to resist. But this frustration…this anger I carried since childhood was still there. I had nightmares. Terrible ones. Blood and destruction and death.” His hand started to tremble. Memories of days gone by were still haunting him. “One night I wandered around. I overheard Luke talking to someone. An old man…but he looked different, like he wasn’t really there…”  
“Like a ghost?”  
He nodded. “Sounds crazy. Though the Force…”  
“I believe you.”  
He smiled, though she couldn’t see it. “He asked about my grandfather, how he was acting when he was my age. The old man he…” Part of him knew who this old man was, what his name meant, but he didn’t dare to think about it. “He said I was a lot like Anakin.”  
Rey noticed that for the first time he wasn’t talking about the legendary Lord Vader, but the man he had been before. Same person yet two entities as well. Like with Ben Solo and Kylo Ren.  
“Raw strength, anger, confusion –“  
“Passion.” Rey added absentmindedly.  
He stopped, trying to examine what that meant. Passion.  
“Strong pull between Dark and Light.” He then continued. “Luke admitted he was scared. That he had no idea how to handle my power. I was naïve. I thought that being as strong as my grandfather meant I would achieve greatness, I wanted to use it to stop this war.”  
She could picture it inside her mind. Young Ben, enthusiastic about his strength, hoping to bring peace to the Galaxy, just so his parents would notice him.  
“But Luke started to hold me back.” Bitterness was back in his voice. He clenched his fist. “He was too scared. Terrified to train me. Fearing he would lose control. He was holding me back. I started to realize that I would never reach my full potential with him and so I…” He was ashamed to admit it, “So I let Snoke inside my head.”  
A tear fell down her cheek.  
“He promised me power, so I could change the course of destiny. Bring peace to the galaxy. But more than that he promised me…” He held back for a second, “freedom.”  
She slowly started to understand, started to see behind all of his masks. He didn’t really believe in the cause of the First Order. He didn’t care for it at all. First Order or Rebellion, Light or Dark. Now she understood. The only thing Ben Solo wanted was his own freedom. Free to be himself without the attachment of a legacy, despite trying to follow his grandfather, that was never the real goal. Free from different masters pulling his strings. Free from absentee parent’s expectations. She was looking for her place in this world, but so was he. She came from nowhere, he was born into royalty, yet they were the same in many ways. Where you came from truly doesn’t matter, it’s what you choose that does.  
“I hadn’t made up my mind. Whatever Luke saw that night was not a decision I made…”  
She knew the rest. His uncle, his hero, he made one fatal mistake and Ben Solo decided to die and be reborn as Kylo Ren. One mistake was all it took to push him over the edge.  
“Luke made a mistake. He regretted it ever since.” Rey said.  
“I know. It was the one thing he couldn’t take back.”  
She knew what he was referring to. Han. That was the thing Ben himself couldn’t take back. It was what should have been his final step into the new life as Kylo Ren and yet the conflict remained. He would carry that guilt around for his entire life now and that was his punishment.  
“I know what you want me to say. Leave the First Order, join the Resistance and choose the Light.” He didn’t say it without his usual mockery. “But I can’t.”  
She got up from her bed and walked towards him. He was still facing her with his back, so she slowly wrapped her arms around him, burying her face against his back, inhaling his scent, feeling his shaking body.  
He stood stiff for a moment, before he relaxed into her arms.  
“I know.” She said. “I understand now.” And she did. This was so much more than just choosing a side. It ran so much deeper than the fight between Resistance and First Order, it was so much more personal. “Maybe there is another way.”  
“You think so?” She could hear the fear in his voice. For the first time she got the true picture of the boy he was before Snoke got to him. Shy and kind and ambitious.  
“I hope so.”  
++++++++++++++  
She was gazing out of his window. “There is a whole galaxy to explore.”  
His was lying on his bed, head buried in a book. He liked to read, it was a thing she discovered about him. And he liked to study. New fighting techniques, new languages, new cultures. Small discoveries like that made her happy. “The galaxy is infinite.” He said dryly.  
“No sense of romanticism, I see.”  
He put the book aside. “I have no time for that.”  
“Because you are so busy pushing your underlings around with the Force.” The was no judgement in her voice, he was almost sure it was more a kind of amusement.  
She strolled over to him and crawled into bed next to him. “Back on Jakku I always dreamed about being a pilot, so I could get off that planet and discover new worlds.”  
He imagined a little Rey. Lonely and abandoned and looking at the stars. “I’m sorry about your parents.” He knew it hurt her when he told her the truth, though he still stood by his decision that she needed to know to move on.  
She shook her head. “I was upset, but I’m not anymore. You were right about one thing…some things we need to let die.”  
He was surprised by her acknowledgment of his words. “Maybe one day you will explore foreign worlds.”  
She smiled at him. “That is a nice dream.” She closed her eyes. “What are you reading?” She asked half asleep.  
“Something about artifacts found during the beginning of the republic and how no one knows what they are.” He felt shy about his interests, though it was an odd sensation sharing it with someone. He never talked so freely with anyone besides mother and uncle. She wasn’t mocking him, she was sharing her own stories with him. How she loved to fly and is interested in engineering and craftsmanship.  
“Can you read to me?”  
“Yes.”  
++++++++++++++  
She stood under the shower. Hot water was hitting her body, yet she was shaking. Her whole body was numb. It happened all so fast, yet she was scared someone beside her had picked up on it.  
She cursed the Force for not letting her influence their connection. She needed to know he was alright. “Dammit!” she held and hammered against the wall. “Just let me see him!” She was near her breaking point. “Please.”  
“Rey”  
His voice. Tears started to stream down her face as she turned around. “You are alive!” He stood there just wearing his pants, a familiar sight to her now. He was bruised, but nothing more. “I thought…” she threw her arms around his neck, pressing her body against his. “I was so scared.” She breathed against his neck.  
“Rey” He said again. His hands carefully touching her bare back. Water was trickling down on him. Suddenly he became very aware of his surroundings. “We are under the shower.”  
She looked up to him. “What?” Then her eyes darted back to her own body. She shrieked and quickly turned around. “I forgot…how…?”  
He quickly turned his back to her. “I didn’t…” What was he about he to say? That he didn’t see a thing? He didn’t see much, but enough to be aware that her naked body was pressed against him. “I’m sorry.”  
“No…no that’s my fault…I called after you…” She looked over shoulder, noticing his face was turned the other wall. “I needed to know you were alright.”  
He didn’t hear her voice calling for him, yet he felt that she needed him. The Force bond seemed to grow stronger. “Just bruises.” He answered quickly.  
“That’s not what I meant.”  
He knew that she was talking about something else. About what he did today. The decision that put them both on the line within their respective groups. Yet so far no one seemed to have noticed.  
“I think we are the only ones aware of it.”  
She wanted to believe him, but she was scared. They met on the battlefield today. It was supposed to be a rescue mission for captured allies, she wasn’t even supposed to be there, but Leia asked her to go last minute. The moment she entered the base she knew he was there. She was afraid that might happen one day, that they would meet in person as enemies. When the fight broke loose, she tried to avoid him. It was cowardly, but she couldn’t face him, not after everything they shared. He did the same. She quickly noticed that he was always going into a different direction, avoiding eye contact. Even more so, he avoided to hurt people she considered her friends. He didn’t kill one rebel that day, only knocked them out. Then it happened, she was fighting two Stormtroopers when a third one started to shoot at her out of nowhere. She didn’t have time to react. Yet, the laser never hit her. Instead the shooting soldier hit the ground, hit by his own fire. It was the only time that day she locked eyes with him. He looked as shocked as she felt. It was a blink of an eye decision, one that could cause him is post as Supreme Leader and get him killed for treason. He killed his own man to protect her.  
“You shouldn’t have done that.”  
“He would have hurt you.” Killed you, he added silently. The thought alone of losing her drove him over the edge, he would never let that happen.  
“If someone besides me noticed –“  
“They didn’t! They think one your people shot first.” He quickly added. He didn’t know it was true, he heard some soldiers talking about it and just assumed he got lucky.  
“Why did you…?”  
“You really need to ask?” He sounded almost offended.  
“No.” She fought back her tears. “I was so scared they killed you for it.”  
“I’d like to see them try.” The cockiness in his voice drove her crazy.  
“You are not invincible!” she screamed, “Yes, you are more powerful than the rest of them, but there are so many of them and you are alone and how do you think I would feel if you get killed because of me? You can’t just go and risk your life for –“  
She felt his arms wrapped around her. His back pressed into hers. Skin against skin. “I couldn’t lose you.” She felt his hot breath against her neck. “I don’t care if anyone finds out that…” That what exactly? What were they? There was no definition in the galaxy that could put them into words.  
“Ben…” She whispers, her voice shaking, yet there was an undeniable strength and grace she carried around.  
For the longest time he hated the name that was given to him at birth, he thought he was done with it, now he couldn’t hear it enough. It sounded like a prayer coming from her lips.  
It was like his body reacted on its own. His mind went numb, he let instincts take over and like so many times before, his emotions.  
He placed a shy kiss on her shoulder. He was aware of the intimate, sensual position they were in, yet that, this small kiss, felt like a line was being crossed. He waited for her reaction, for allowance to continue or for the line be drawn back between them.  
She knew in her head that he was not there, that the Force was connecting them, still she felt his lips on her skin, felt his whole body move against hers. Maybe this was real, who really knew what the Force was truly capable of? He waited for a signal, she was aware of that. Her body ached for him to continue, screamed for his touch, begged for more, yet her mind knew that if she allowed this to happen there was no coming back ever again, if she allowed it the prize would be her heart. She opened her mouth and tried to get the words out, she was the good girl, the reliable rebel, the resistance hope, she couldn’t do this no matter how much she wanted it. Maybe it was the Force testing her, maybe that was the ultimate temptation and she had to pass it to become a true Jedi.  
“Rey.” His deep voice rang in her ear and she knew if that was a test she was about to fail miserably.  
She leaned back into his touch, pressing her body even closer to his. Maybe for once she should allow herself to choose what she wanted, not what was expected of her.  
His heart started to beat faster. She wanted him, truly wanted him. Him. He couldn’t place that feeling, didn’t understand what was going on. Someone chose him. She didn’t run, didn’t reject him, not this time. Because this time it wasn’t about anything but them, maybe that’s what it should have had been about this entire time.  
He kissed her neck, her shoulders, down her back. She softly moaned his name over and over again. His hands slid up, she softly placed her own hand over his, guiding towards her chest. She allowed him to touch her there, before guiding his hand again to the lower part of her body. He was careful, not wanting to hurt that beautiful creature in his arms.  
His touch made her lose her mind. She whimpered, not wanting to scream out and risk being discovered. His hands worked magic on her. She couldn’t find a different word for it. She never felt bliss like this before, passion, hunger.  
“Ben…” suddenly she turned around, she searched for his eyes. She had a look on her face he has never seen on her before, burning like a fire. His eyes travelled down her body, she was so beautiful, he had no idea how he deserved to be with her.  
“I’m sorry…” Despite touching her he still apologized for looking.  
She smiled at him, the most real smile he had ever seen on her face. She reached out her hand, touching his scar, before gently raising the other and cupping his cheeks. She stood on her tip toes, moaning softly before pressing her lips against his.  
He grabbed her around the waist, pulling her closer. Her tongue gently touched his lips, beginning for entrance. He complied, deepening the kiss.  
What started sweetly soon turned into an explosion. Force or not, it felt so real to both them that they didn’t care where they were anymore.  
She wrapped her legs around his waist, he pushed her against the wall, placing kisses all over her neck, collarbone and lips. Her hands wound his pants, tugging at them until they loosened. When she touched him, his world started to crumble. Nothing in his life ever felt as right as this, being with her. “Rey.” He gasped her name.  
He looked deeply into her eyes, silently asking for permission once again. Her answer was as simple one, she pushed him closer to her, capturing his lips once more. His hips met hers and for the first time they both felt something they never did before, they felt whole. Gone was the loneliness, the anger, the regret. The world disappeared and there was only them.  
+++++++++++  
They lay awake in her bed that night. His pants were drying out over the lonely chair she kept and she snuggled against him, her finger painting small circles on his chest.  
“I don’t think Luke and Snoke had that in mind with us…” She giggled.  
He laughed. The first genuine laugh she ever heard from him. “Darkness and Light clashing gets a whole new meaning.”  
She supported herself on her elbow to look at him. He gently tugged her hair of her face.  
“Ben Solo, did you just make a joke?”  
He shrugged and placed a soft kiss on her lips. “I never said I couldn’t be funny, you just assumed it.”  
“Hm…” she lay back on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. “You never fail to surprise me.”  
He caressed her bare arms. He still couldn’t believe she was truly here, in his arms, with him. Who needs to rule the Galaxy if you can have that? For the first time in his life he felt at peace. He wasn’t Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. He wasn’t even Ben Solo anymore. He was just Ben. Rey’s Ben and if it were up to him ,he could continue to be just that for the rest of his life.  
“We need to end this war.” She said suddenly. “And we need to end it on our terms.” There was a sudden determination rising inside of her. Too many lives were already lost in this senseless fight, too much was destroyed, if they just continued like before nothing would ever change. She wasn’t going to accept that, not now. She finally found her place in the world. It didn’t matter that she was a nobody, everybody was born that way. Actions determined people and despite fighting for the rebellion she had been passive for far too long.  
She placed a kiss above Ben’s heart. Kylo Ren did horrible things and he would carry them on his conscious forever, but Ben’s heart was still beating inside his chest and she would fight for it. For him, for her, for his mother and for a different future. Not the dark future he saw, not the light one she got to witness. They would create their own future. No light side, no dark side, just them in between.  
“And how do you want to do that?” He didn’t argue with her this time, didn’t try to change the subject or convince her that there is no hope.  
“I don’t know yet. But we will find a way.”  
He took her hand and placed a kiss on her palm. “Together.”  
She smiled. “Together.” After all, they were not alone anymore.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys! Thank you so much for reading, giving some kudos and reviews. It means a lot. I'm still trying to figure out this platform so be patient with the editing. I will try to upload two chapters a week, if my work schedule allows it. Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter, comments are of ourse always appreciated :)

**Chapter Two**

_And take my past_

_And take my sense,_

_Like an empty sail takes the wind_

_And heal, heal, heal, heal_

Heal, Tom Odell

Ben lay on his stomach, relaxed as he had barely been during the last couple of years. He breathed calmly as her delicate fingers slowly stroke his bare skin.

"What's with this one?" She stopped at a small scar on his right shoulder and placed a soft kiss on it.

He smiled to himself, memories overfloating him. "Have that one since forever." He answered, his deep voice echoing in the dark. "My mother told me that when I was born Chewie…" he hesitated, he hadn't said that affectionate nickname for too long and he didn't dare to think about his father's best friend ever since that fateful night on the bridge. "Chewie was so eager to hold me that he accidentally scratched me." Relationships he had long tried to forget kept crawling back into his mind, memories buried deep resurfaced. He wasn't sure if that was because of the Force or because of Rey, but in the end, it didn't matter. He knew he couldn't run from this forever. His decisions were his, Snoke in his mind or not, he couldn't take back what he had done, he would carry the knowledge, the burden forever, but he could at least face it and take responsibility no matter how much it hurt.

Rey laughed lightly. She couldn't imagine Chewbacca holding a baby, but something about it seemed strangely adorable. There had been a time before all of this. Before the First Order, before the Resistance, before little Ben Solo realized what hurt and betrayal meant. Sometimes she wished the Force would allow her a peek into this past, but hearing it from Ben, knowing he trusted her with it was a gift she would always be grateful for.

"And this one?" She lifted his arm up. Right under his left hand was another scar, tiny yet deep.

"This?" He took a deep breath. "I was five or six and I…" he chuckled, "I was bored while my parents and uncle were in a meeting. I was told to sit tight and not to do anything but…I started to snoop through Luke's stuff." He closed his eyes. Images from days gone by went through his head like an old movie. "I accidentally activated the lightsaber."

Rey gasped. "No!"

"Not my most glorious moment." He admitted. Even back then the Force was strong within him and going back to the moment he always swore that the lightsaber called to him. "I lost control and…If Luke hadn't shown up, I doubt I still had my hand." He sometimes wondered if that moment was a pivotal sign, he would go into a different direction than other Skywalkers, after all losing a hand seemed to be almost fate in their family.

"You could have died." She said with that voice made of sugar and velvet and nothing but compassion.

"Maybe that would have been –"

"Don't you even think that!" She snapped, even before he could have finished that dark thought.

They were silent for a moment. He was glad it was dark and she could not see his face. Sometimes dark thoughts would cloud his mind. They clouded him for almost his entire life. He felt like an outsider, worthless, conflicted. It was a part why he let Snoke in, why he let him guide him down a path of blood and death. Yet here she was, like a beacon shining brightly, smiling at him, being kind to him, kissing him, giving her all to him. If that was his salvation, he gladly took it, no matter how long it lasted.

Her hands went over his back, down the lower part and hips. He felt her hair tickling over his skin. He felt her hands running over the scars he always tried to hide, tried to ignore. Deep, burning, still painful.

"He did this to you." She said with so much hatred in her voice. It scared him she was capable of those feelings too.

"Yes." He answered with heaviness.

She leaned down, placing soft kisses on every scar. "I hope wherever he is now, he is being punished for this."

He didn't tell her much about his time with Snoke. Whenever she tried to mention it he flinched with a painful expression on his face. Snoke did not just get inside his head, so much was clear to her. He broke his mind and body.

"He called it training." He could still feel the lighting burning his flesh, feel sharp objects hitting him from every side, Snoke's cruel face, his lips twisted into a disturbing smile.

"That's not training." She said, "That's abuse."

She was right, of course she was right. But at the time it was easier to accept physical pain from Snoke than the hurt over his Uncle's betrayal. Over his father not going after him. Over the tears he caused his mother.

"Ben Solo is dead." He said into the dark. "That's what he told me the night I joined him. I killed innocents in my rage and arrogance and no one would forgive me. They would kill me regardless, so I can die right on the spot and be reborn as Kylo Ren."

He felt her cheek on his, her warmth surrounding him. "You can't change the past, but you can still change the future."

All of sudden he flipped them around. He was hovering over her, pinning her softly down into the mattress.

He lowered his head nipping at her earlobe. "What about this one?" He softly touched a small scar behind her ear. She understood, it was his turn now.

"I was stealing food from a trader on Jakku. He threw rocks at me." Her scars were not as deep as his, but still the memories of her childhood remained painful. Loneliness and fear and the silent wish for her parents to came back to her, for some great destiny although she always kind of knew that the truth was bleak.

His whole body tensed. He knew she had been through a lot, but listening to her describing how people hurt her made is blood boil. It was moments like this he gladly embraced the call of the dark side. He wanted to hurt everyone who ever dared to touch her, whoever dared to hurt her and he wasn't sorry for that.

"Ben, it's fine." She said quietly. She felt the anger inside of him. "I'm here now, I'm good."

He said nothing. Instead he placed a small kiss on her nose, her lips, her neck, collarbone, between her breasts, over her navel.

She moaned softly.

His hands slowly pulled her legs apart. He placed another kiss on her left thigh. "And this one?" She had a long scar there, much deeper than the other one.

She laughed lightly. "That was my not so glorious moment." Her hand went through his soft black hair. "I was looking through some junk and I climbed on this huge pile of it trying to grab something useful and I…I lost balance and I ripped my leg at something. I was so dizzy afterwards, I thought I would bleed out. But somehow, I managed to get back home and patch myself up. I couldn't walk for a week afterwards."

He looked up, amazed by her strength. She had been through so much in her life already and, yet she never lost hope and still managed to smile through it.

She covered his face with her hands to bring him up to her again. Her hand lingered on the scar covering his face and chest. "This one's on me."

"You had no choice." He never blamed her for the scar she had given him. In a strange way he was even proud of it.

She softly kissed the scar. "I never asked, but did you let me win that day?"

He raised an eyebrow. "I was injured, you had the advantage." He stated as a matter of fact.

"You could have easily pushed me off that cliff, using the force." That night in the forest never really came up between them, but a part of her always wondered.

"Well…" He rubbed his nose against hers, making her giggle in the process. "I never wanted to kill you. I wanted you to join me."

"But why?"

He sighed. She was never going to let this one go. One thing he learned about Rey during these past few months, she was even more stubborn than him. Whatever Rey wanted, she was going to get it and he was a hopeless fool around her. "I was intrigued the moment I have seen you in the woods." He confessed.

"I wanted to kill you." That seemed like a lifetime ago. "How can you be intrigued by someone who wants to kill you? Because you felt the Force?"

He laughed and shook his head. "No." He was telling himself that it was just because he felt her power. He convinced himself it couldn't have been more. If he had shown one moment of weakness Snoke would have known. "I was intrigued because I have never seen such beauty in my life." He softly put her hair behind her ears. "You were beautiful and strong and courageous. You were scared, yet you didn't tremble. There was just something about you."

She kissed him passionately drinking his words and feelings all in. "I have to make a confession too. When you took off your mask…I was expecting something else." She nervously bit her lip, "I was expecting someone deformed or older or…" She wasn't even sure what she expected. She touched his face again. "I didn't expect this handsome, conflicted face…with those eyes…"

He was sure he was blushing and he never blushed. He was aware he wasn't like his father. He wasn't the typical guy a woman would immediately swoon for, so her words surprised him, melted him from the inside.

His lips crashed down on her again. "What do you want?" He whispered into her ear, in a low, sensual voice.

She gasped when his hands found the sweet spot between her legs. "Just you." He gladly complied.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Rey poked absentmindedly at the food on her plate. The rebels sat up a small cafeteria, so people had a place to eat together. She sat next to Finn on a bench on looked curiously at something that resembled mashed potatoes.

"It's almost tasty." He said jokingly. "I mean it has a slight touch of garbage, not that I know what garbage tastes like, but –"

She was nodding every once in a while, or faking a smile, but deep down she was miles away. She felt incredibly sorry for not paying more attention to him these days, but the war and her feelings were slowly eating her up from the inside.

Every day a new mission, a new plan, a new fight. They would clash with the First Order and both sides would walk out bruised, but no one would ever win. It was an endless cycle of violence and destruction.

She kept telling Ben that they would find a way to end this fight once and for all, but she started to doubt her own words. The only way this could end was with either the rebellion destroyed or Ben dead and neither was an option.

And even if it ended, even if both magically made it out alive, what then? A win for the First Order she didn't want to imagine and she was sure neither was Ben, but what did a win for the resistance mean for them? For him? He would be trialed for his crimes committed as Kylo Ren. A lot of people would want him executed for all he did and even if not, the best-case scenario was him being imprisoned for life and she wasn't going to accept that. She was selfish when it came to him and she knew it. People lost loved ones because of the First Order and deserved retribution, but she knew in her heart that she would protect him no matter what. There was a fine line between right or wrong, but the night she decided to give into her desire for the first time she made the decision to follow her heart and was not going back on that. And didn't people still talk about the redemption of Anakin Skywalker thirty years after? If Darth Vader himself was redeemed even in death, couldn't Ben Solo be too?

"Rey, are you listening to me?"

"What?" She looked up into the worried eyes of Finn, who meanwhile had finished all of his food. "I'm sorry. I was just…thinking."

"I was asking you if you'd join the food raid next week." He looked at her plate of untouched food.

She smiled gently and pushed the plate towards him. He gave her a big toothy grin and started to eat again.

"I don't think so. My lightsaber still isn't working." She tried her best to repair Luke's broken lightsaber, the painful reminder of the rift that once existed between her and Ben, but she couldn't make it work for more than a couple of minutes.

"You are strong without a lightsaber Rey." Finn grabbed her and squeezed it. "Besides, you need to get out of here more often."

She knew he worried about her constantly. There were days she almost told him about the Force, about Ben, about her feelings, but she was afraid what that would mean, for them and their friendship. Could he ever possibly forgive her for lying? For literally sleeping with the enemy? He had such a big heart, was the first real friend she ever had and disappointing him was one of her worst fears.

"I don't know." She said. Truth to be told, the lightsaber was only an excuse to stay on the base. She was terrified to accidentally run into Ben on the battlefield again. Last time he killed one of his own Stormtroopers to protect her. Thankfully no one noticed, but they wouldn't be lucky twice. Their feelings were betraying them, actions when around each other were unpredictable.

"Hey guys." Rose appeared beside them and took her place next to Finn followed by Poe and BB-8. They four of them always sat together. They had become a little family inside of the rebellion.

"Can you guys please tell Rey to join us on the raid? I'm afraid she is getting rusty." Finn laughed.

Poe gently clapped Rey's back. "Listen to the man here. You need some fresh space air and kick some First Order ass."

They continued talking, trying to persuade her and in the end, she gave in. Why would Ben be at a food storage anyway?

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"How can it be that the rebel scum always gets away? I'm starting to suspect they have a spy inside the First Order." Hux was rambling around. Like he always did. Ben massaged his temples. How a voice could actually cause a headache was beyond him.

"Supreme Leader" Oh the mockery in his voice, "shouldn't we follow up on this?"

Ben rolled his eyes. "Follow up on what exactly? A hunch?" He subdued his voice, trying to sound as bored and disinterested as possible. He couldn't give Hux a reason to doubt him even more than he already did. He wasn't exactly spying for the rebellion as Hux thought, but in his act as Supreme Leader he made sure to mislead his own people as much as possible. He would make sure Rey was as safe as she could be. He was true to not joining the resistance, some of his old views about them stayed intact, besides with him at the top of the First Order he could at least protect her and the people she cared about. If he left someone else would take over, someone like Hux probably.

Hux wasn't a match for him. Not a physical one at least. But that guy was a snake through and through and he had supporters. He also had to be careful no one would find out what really happened in Snoke's throne room. There were loyal supporters to him still who would hunt him down and kill him for what he had done. Mostly the Knights, some who he once brought to Snoke from Luke's temple. He could fight, but not all of them, not alone at least and he wouldn't drag Rey into the mess he made. Not more than he already had.

"My hunches tend to be right."

"Your hunches tend to be idiotic." He raised his arm, lifting Hux up from the ground. The general choked. "Please."

Ben released him. "Don't make accusations you can't prove. It only furthers distrust within the First Order." He was getting good at acting as the Supreme Leader. He hated it and it scared him, but after struggling to keep his power intact, he now was getting a grip on his leadership. Maybe in another universe, another situation he was taking after his mother after all.

"Supreme Leader." Hux hissed again. He wanted to say more, but decided to keep quiet.

"You think my temper gets the best of me." Ben stated calmly.

"I would never…" Hux grabbed his throat in a lost attempt to shield it. Ben however decided not to use the Force against him this time. Instead he stood up, rising above his second in command. "Believe me" He growled in a deep, menacing voice, "You would know if I ever lose my temper."

Hux gulped and stiffly walked out of the room.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Rey dropped to the ground and leaned against the wall. She looked at the lightsaber in her hand. "Why won't you work?" She groaned.

"Still not doing it your way?"

Rey turned around, looking into the kind eyes of General Leia Organa. "General!" She jumped on her feet.

Leia waved her hand and laughed. "I told you to just call me Leia."

Rey smiled shyly. She studied the older woman's face. Those eyes. Ben got her eyes. She quickly looked away, trying to hide a blush. A feeling of embarrassment suddenly hit her when she thought about the things she did with him. Leia's son.

"Is everything alright, child?" She asked kindly, offering Rey her hand.

Rey took it and smiled. "Yeah. Just frustrated about the lightsaber." She said quickly. Leia was sensitive to the Force, was also from the Skywalker bloodline, sometimes she was afraid that just thinking about Ben would give her away.

"Don't be." Leia said assuring. "I'm sure you will work it out." While knowing how to use the Force, Leia was no expert on lightsabers, that had always been her brother's specialty.

Thinking about Luke made her heart hurt. She tried to remind herself that at least he was in peace now, but after Han losing him felt like she lost a part of herself.

"I'm sorry about Luke." Rey said, sensing her sadness.

Leia shook her head, quickly wiping a tear away. "He is probably laughing at our silly faces from wherever he is."

Rey could imagine that perfectly. "I wish he could have taught me more." She said reminiscing.

"You are doing good on your own." Leia's voice was swelling with pride. Was that how having a mother felt like, Rey wondered. She imagined that in a different life under different circumstance she and Ben could have met in a different way and maybe –

"Just be careful with that lightsaber though." Leia interrupted her thoughts, "it could suddenly activate and you get seriously hurt."

"Yeah." Rey gently rubbed her wrist, not even noticing that gesture. "That would make for one deep scar."

Leia followed her movements curiously. The hand. The scar. She would never forget. But how was that possible?

"Why do you touch your wrist like that?" Spoken out loud the question sounded strange even to her. Maybe it was just an unintentional gesture and she saw more than what was actually there.

"What?" Rey immediately dropped her hands. She didn't notice. Her feelings indeed betrayed her. Talking to Leia about lightsabers brought her back to Ben and his story and the scar. That damn scar. She wasn't careful enough. "I…" she didn't want to lie to Leia, wasn't even sure she could, but telling the truth didn't seem like a reasonable option as well. Maybe bending it counted as a grey zone. That at least was a way to keep her conscious semi-clean. "When Ben and I were connected through the Force I saw the scar." It wasn't a lie. She just failed to mention that they were still connected and it only happened recently.

Hearing her son's name Leia touched her heart. She always tried to be strong, tried to push her emotions aside, not to see her son but Kylo Ren, the villain he had become. But hearing his true name was almost too much to bear.

"And how do you know what happened?"

Rey looked down at her feet. "Well…the Force…" she stuttered.

"Of course." Leia said with a sad smile. "The Force showed you the past."

Rey nodded. Did that count as a lie? She wasn't sure. Technically she didn't say anything, Leia only assumed and she did not correct her. She sighed. Of course, it was a lie.

"Do you think there is still good in Ben?" She blurted out. To herself the answer was crystal clear, but she wanted to know if his own mother thought him beyond redemption.

Leia hesitated. "As the General of the Resistance I think that Kylo Ren is irredeemable. He killed too many, destroyed too much and chose to commit himself to the dark side." She paused. "But as a mother I just wish…"

Rey didn't know what came over her, she just walked over pulling Leia into a hug.

"Thank you." Leia said, "Allowing me this moment of weakness."

"That was not weakness." Rey said, "Just love."

They looked silently at each other for a moment before Rey turned around. "I should go back to my chamber."

"Wait." Leia said, "Why did you call him Ben?"

Rey's eyes widened.

"Everyone calls him Kylo Ren. You don't."

"Ben is his name, isn't it?" Rey said before leaving the room with the unnerving feeling that Leia Organa was now onto her.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"You look wrecked." Rey stated when Ben appeared in her room. "What happened?"

He dropped on her bed. "Migraine. You don't look so good either."

She sighed. "My lightsaber won't work."

"Still trying to fix that?" He asked. He wasn't sure how he felt about his Uncle's or rather his grandfather's lost lightsaber anymore. Once upon a time he had done everything to own it, now it just reminded him of the past he so desperately wanted to die.

Rey nodded. "It keeps lighting up for a few seconds and then it dies down again."

"The kyber crystal is probably broken." He said causally, rubbing his temples.

"I checked it. Didn't look broken to me." She put the lightsaber next to her bed, out of side. She felt that it made him uncomfortable.

He closed his eyes, even the small light in her room was too much. "Fractured from the inside. You will need a new one." His voice was filled with pain. Curse Hux for giving him a headache.

"Take off your shirt." She suddenly said and climbed behind him. It still amazed her how she went from "put something on" to causally demand nakedness. The intimacy scared her. She had never experienced something like it before, yet she never wanted to lose it again.

"We are talking about lightsabers and you…" He was confused, yet did as she asked.

She could never get enough of looking at him. He wasn't even aware of the full effect he had on her body, her mind, her heart.

She rolled her eyes and playfully slapped his shoulder. "I will help you get better." She pressed a spot on his neck and he screamed out.

"Are you mad?"

She pressed another spot, making him wince in pain. "Don't be such a baby! I picked up one or two things about medicine and this will help you get rid of the headaches."

Did she just call him baby? Usually that would cause his temper to explode, when she said it in that annoyed yet sweet voice it was oddly endearing. He leaned back and tried to relax his muscles.

"So, where do I get a kyber crystal? It's not like you randomly find one these days." Her hands moved to his shoulders.

"Well…." He said sheepishly.

She accidentally pressed too hard, making him scream yet again. "Oops, sorry. But you're joking, right?"

He blinked. Despite the pain she was now causing him his head felt better. "Snoke always kept some for his knights. And as the new Supreme Leader…"

"You have access to them!" She squealed in excitement.

He leaned back, closing his eyes again. Was that what a normal relationship felt like? Sharing events of your day? This causal yet comfortable intimacy? Just talking about lightsabers? For a moment he wished that this wasn't just the Force bond, that this was them on a tiny planet, away from all the fights, living their lives together in peace.

"I can't just mail them to you." He said dryly. She got used to that dry sense of humor he had by now. She was surprised he had a sense of humor at all, but surprisingly she enjoyed it.

Her hands moved to his temples, massaging them with gentleness and care. "True." She was lost in thoughts for a moment. "There is a raid!" She exclaimed. "Some location called Area 5-PTO"

He turned his head slightly around. "Small place, almost no guards. I could place it there somewhere safe. You could accidentally find it."

She swung her legs around his hips and placed herself on his lap, her arms wrapped around his neck. "And then I can build me a new lightsaber!" She laughed, pressing her forehead against his. "See, we make such a wonderful team!"

He softly rubbed her back. "Rey?"

"Hm?"

"Take off your shirt…please."

She laughed again.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Finn was startled when someone knocked at his door. He didn't have a clock, but he figured it must have been well past midnight.

He quickly grabbed some clothes and stood up. "Come in."

To his surprise it was General Leia entering his room.

"General!" He said nervously, "Did something happen?" Did he sleep through an attack? Did the First Order find them again and they had to leave?"

"No, no everything is fine." She made a gesture to hush him and closed the door behind herself.

Finn pointed at the lone chair in his room. "Please take a seat." He offered politely, but Leia declined.

"I need to talk to you about Rey." She quickly made her point.

"Rey?" Finn asked.

Leia nodded. She wasn't entirely sure what she expected to find out, but ever since that strange encounter and conversation she had with the young Jedi, she felt the need to uncover whatever truth she was hiding. And why not start with her best friend?

"Did you notice any odd behavior about her?"

She could see that Finn felt uncomfortable talking to her about Rey, yet his eyes gave him away. He wasn't entirely surprised by the question, so he did notice himself.

"The lightsaber is not working." He stumbled, "She is just frustrated. And tired. All of us are."

He was sincere that she was sure about, but also worried. Deeply worried. "You noticed it too, didn't you?" She said gently.

For a moment he looked like wanted to be anywhere in the Galaxy but there, but finally he gave her a quick nod. "I'm just worried." He confessed. "Something is bothering her and she won't tell me what it is. She didn't even tell Chewie or BB-8." He sat down on the chair he previously offered Leia. "I just want to help her."

Leia put her hand on his shoulders. "So, do I. Finn, keep an eye on her, will you?" Her voice was so serious, yet there was something Finn couldn't place.

"Of course."

"Very well." Leia was about to leave the room when Finn jumped back on his feet.

"General!"

"Yes?" He was so eager, so good. Looking at him reminded her of her brother when she first met him.

"You don't think she is in danger or anything, right?"

"I don't know." Leia said, and she meant it.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

They prepared the Falcon early in the morning. Just a small group of rebels was going to get new food. The plan was to quickly go in and out without alarming the Stormtroopers.

Rey was whistling while climbing into the cockpit next to Poe. Chewie was sitting this mission out much to his dismay.

"You're awfully cheery this morning." Poe said, eyebrows raised.

Rey shrugged. "Just happy to get off the base." It was true, Finn had been right after all. She missed being on the Falcon, missed doing something productive and this was a pleasant change of location. She knew they would have it easy today. Ben assured her he repositioned most the guards to a different place and on the top of that she would finally get a new crystal for her lightsaber.

"Well, good to have you back." Poe grinned at her.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ben realized things were getting out of hand the moment he stepped out of a First Order training facility and noticed a group of Stormtroopers getting ready to leave.

He stopped one, taking him aside. "What is going on here?" He demanded.

"Supreme Leader!" The Stormtrooper saluted. He hated it when they did that. "General Hux ordered us to go to facility Area 5-PTO, Sir. Rebels should be there."

Ben clenched his fist. That little bastard. He stormed away, into the commando room. The few people in there left just by seeing his angry face.

"Before you –" Hux started to defend himself but didn't get to finish his sentence. He crumbled on the floor, panting for air.

"How dare you to order something without consulting me!" Ben hissed.

Hux's face was turning blue. Ben looked at him full of disgust before finally releasing him. Hux coughed and gasped and tried to catch his breath.

"An informant…and informant told me the rebels would go to raid this place…" he tried to explain himself.

Ben lifted him up, smashing him against the wall. "Was that informant another one of your hunches?"

Hux eagerly shook his head. "No…no…just someone loyal to the First Order."

Ben tossed him back to the floor. That couldn't be happening. She was supposed to be safe. It was supposed to be an easy job, just going in and out without even alarming the troops.

"Call them back immediately." He ordered.

Something in Hux's face changed. He was still scared out of his mind, Ben sensed that, yet there was some triumph hidden inside behind his glaring eyes.

"If you call them back now and the rebels will attack, how does that make you look like?" He said with a smug smile.

How much Ben hated that face. He would have killed him a long time ago, but rather he liked it or not, Hux kept things running and killing him would only raise suspicion.

He turned around, grabbing the next man he saw by the collar. "Prepare my ship. I will see to this myself."

It was a terrible plan, he was aware of that. Going there would mean facing her, but at least so he could make sure she and her friends wouldn't walk into a trap.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Rey knew something was wrong the moment she stepped outside the Falcon. She could feel his presence like he was standing right next to her. "Oh…no no no no" she whispered to herself.

"You okay?" Finn asked. "You look pale."

She ignored him and walked over to Poe, grabbing him by the arm. "Call the mission off." She said in a desperate voice. "He is here. I can feel him."

Poe was confused, so was Finn. They kept their voices low, so the other rebels wouldn't be alarmed. "Who?" Poe asked.

"Kylo Ren." It felt weird calling by the name Snoke had given him. "I can sense him. We have to leave."

Poe grabbed his gun. "That's our shot!" His eyes were gleaming. "Maybe we can end the bastard right now!"

She looked at Finn for help. "We can do it Rey. You can do it." He smiled at her. "If we fight together, maybe we'll win this time."

This wasn't going the way she wanted it to go. She had to think quickly. Obviously, something went wrong. He dropped the kyber crystal off a couple of days ago, so that wasn't it. Maybe someone tipped them off?

She tried to calm her breath, keep her feelings under control. She had to trust him. She closed her eyes. First things first, she needed to find the crystal.

The rebels dismantled the security system. She walked inside close behind Poe and Finn. Suddenly she looked up. There was an air shaft right above her and she could feel something calling to her from inside it. Unnoticed she used the Force to open it. She pictured the crystal inside of her mind, seeing it clearly in front of her, she asked it to come to her and it did. Mission accomplished. At least this mission.

Things did not continue as smoothly. They were ambushed as soon as they entered the main hall. Stormtroopers everywhere firing on them. This was not supposed to happen.

Finn was shouting, Poe was shooting. Rebels were hurt or dying, so were Stormtroopers. She kept looking for him. He wisely kept away from the fight, avoiding killing anyone.

"There!" Finn yelled.

She looked up and there he was. Ben. Her Ben. Lightsaber drawn, defending himself against a rebel. He knocked him back with the Force, briefly locking eyes with her. She immediately understood. Follow me.

She ran after him until they reached a small room behind a glass wall. It was silent inside, the battle suddenly felt so far away.

They stared at each other, realizing that they hadn't been this close since they fought back to back against Snoke's guards.

"You got the crystal?" He was the first one to break the silence.

She nodded. This felt surreal to her. She saw him everyday through their bond, heard is voice, touched him and yet, yet this felt different. A part of her had always been afraid that her feelings weren't the same once they met again face to face, but it was exactly the opposite. Her feelings only intensified the very moment she locked eyes with him.

"Why are you here?" She asked in a hushed voiced.

He looked around. Suddenly something exploded over their heads. "Making sure all cameras are out." He briefly explained. "Hux has an informant who told him about the raid. I came here to…I don't know, make sure you are fine."

It touched her that he risked his position yet again for her safety, even though it was incredible stupid. "I can take care of myself! You're putting yourself in danger being here." She scolded.

This wasn't how he imagined their first meeting again. He expected something more serene and romantic.

"I also wanted you to know that I didn't betray you." His voice was suddenly so insecure it almost broke her heart.

"You can be such an idiot!" She hissed. "I know you wouldn't betray me." They were long past that. "I trust you, Ben."

She didn't realize how much those words truly meant to them.

"Get your people and leave." He tried to stay as calm as possible. They had to be rational in this situation. "I'll figure something out to make sure you'll get the food."

"If you lose today your position will be questioned!"

"Your people will starve!"

"You could get killed!"

"So do you!"

It was no use arguing with her. They were both too stubborn to ever give in and both had a point. He sighed, before handing her a small black device.

"What's that?" She asked.

"Plans for Facility Area 7-TPPU. More food and weapons. Get your people out of here and plan another heist. I'll make sure Hux stays in line this time."

She whispered a small 'thank you'. Now she only had to convince Poe to leave empty handed.

"Rey." He said her name in the way only he was capable off and it took all of her strength not to melt on the spot. He dropped his gloves to the ground and reached out his hand.

She took it and electricity jolted through her whole body. She moved closer, touching his face, running her hands through his hair. He did the same. They were touching, actually touching for real and she never wanted to stop.

He took it all in. Her soft skin, her smell, the way she quivered under his touch. If they would be discovered now and both charged for treason it would have been worth it. He didn't know how he could ever go back to only touching her through the force bond.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Where is Rey?" Finn yelled through the chaos. They were fighting a lost cause. Too many Stormtroopers, not enough rebels. They needed to leave.

"I thought she was with you!" Poe yelled back.

Finn shot a Stormtrooper in front of him, wondering if he knew the face behind the helmet. He briefly shook that thought, he couldn't allow himself to show mercy.

"You don't think she went after Kylo alone, do you?" Poe asked worried, pulling one of his comrades back to her feet.

Finn wasn't sure about it. Rey was so hesitant to even enter the facility knowing he was there that it hardly made sense for her to seek out a fight, yet she was acting strange for months now. "I'll go looking for her."

He made his way through the Stormtroopers and rebels, shouting her name. He went through an empty corridor. "Rey! Rey!" He feared that Kylo had kidnapped her once again when he suddenly saw her, standing behind a glass door. She was standing in front of Kylo Ren, holding his face, he did the same to her.

Finn was confused, wondering if that was some kind of Force connection, a Jedi way to fight, though Han Solo's voice rang inside his ear "that's not how the Force works."

He shouted her name again, wanted her to know she was not fighting alone but it was for nothing, she couldn't hear him.

"Dammit!" He raised his blaster, ready to fire, but something stopped him.

Kylo lowered his face, Finn expected everything but not what was happening next. Kylo's lips crashed down on Rey's, kissing her deeply. He expected Rey to push him off immediately, but his friend only pulled him closer.

Kissing her, the real her, felt like breathing for the first time. Not only the Force was connecting them, but their hearts, minds, souls. Two halves of a whole coming together.

She pressed her tiny body against his. She wanted to drink him in, never be apart again. Kissing him felt amazing before, but this was a whole new experience. A new feeling, a new desire.

They breathlessly parted. He put sweet kisses down her neck. "Ben…Ben stop, we can't…" she tried to be reasonable, but her body was betraying her. She leaned into every touch, welcomed every kiss.

"If someone sees us…" she tried to argue.

"Let them see. Let them know." He said between kisses. "I don't care anymore. I only want you."

She slowly pulled away, forcing him to look her into the eyes. "I know. But we must stay focused. We –"

"What the hell!" Finn burst into the room, firing a shot right next to Ben. "Get away from her!" His hand was shaking.

"Finn!" She squeaked in an unusually high-pitched voice. She feared this would happen and it finally did. They were discovered. Not only that but by her best friend.

"Rey, come to me!" He reached out his other hand, never stopping to point his blaster at Ben. "He is manipulating you!" Of course, he thought that. To him seeing her with Ben made no sense, to him it was the worst kind of betrayal, so the only reasonable explanation was that he was forcing her to do this.

"Finn." She spoked calmly. "He is not manipulating me."

Finn started to shake more and more. "Exactly what a mind-controlled person would say!"

"If I was controlling her, you'd be dead, Stormtrooper." Ben said in that dangerous low voice he only addressed enemies with.

Rey shot him a look that he freely interpreted as not helping, before she turned back to her friend. "Finn, he can't manipulate me. We can't do that to each other." How could she explain this? There was no way he would ever understand.

"This must be manipulation!" He tried to convince himself more than anything. He panted, not sure what to think anymore. Suddenly the blaster was thrown out of his hand.

"Ben!" Rey snapped.

Finn blinked. Ben? Since when was he Ben? That was Kylo Ren right there and even if he had been Ben Solo once, those days were long gone.

"I'm sorry, I'm not willing to be shot by a nervous wreck." He defended himself.

All around them lights suddenly to blink red. A loud, booming sound went through the halls.

"What is that?" She asked.

"The alarm is back on." He sounded tense. "You need to go. They will send reinforcements. Go, now!" He pressed a button, opening another door. "Next corridor on the left, then first door right and you are out."

She stared at him. "But…no…I can't…We just –"

"I know." He said hastily. "I don't want to part either. But you have to go."

She suppressed her tears and nodded. She grabbed Finn by the hand who was still under shock. "Come on." Finn tried to argue, but she wasn't having it. "I'll explain everything, I promise. But first let's get out of here." She handed him the fallen blaster.

He took it and pressed it to his body. The expression on his face broke her heart. Hurt, mistrust, disappointment.

She swallowed. That had to wait until later. She turned to Ben once more. She could see the sadness and terror in his eyes.

"Ben!" She ran towards him, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him once more, ignoring Finn's shocked gasps. "Be careful." She whispered.

"You too. I'll see you later."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

She kissed his lips once more before following Finn out in the open. The mission had failed and one moment of weakness had changed everything.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys, thank you for reading and commenting. I think I'm at least getting a little hang on this editing thing there. Hope you enjoy the chapter!  
> Btw, we were so robbed of a Rey/Rose friendship, I can't believe we didn't even get that.

**Chapter Three**

_Far longer than forever_

_As constant as a star_

_I close my eye and I am where you are_

\- Far Longer Than Forever, The Swan Princess

Her whole world went numb. Any reaction to come out of her was strictly on autopilot. Reflexes took over, but she felt as far away as if she entered a new galaxy. She heard frantic voices around her, people screaming and crying. Her comrades were carrying each other back to the Falcon. People were hurt or dead. They had no food, no weapons. She clutched to the drive he had given her. Not all hope was lost.

Poe was shouting orders, she could barely hear. She climbed into the cockpit next to him. Flying was easy. Flying was an instinct.

Finn was avoiding her, that she knew for sure. He blamed her for what happened, he was angry and confused and really, she couldn't blame him. How would she have reacted if the roles were reversed?

Her head was spinning. What would happen now? Had she just lost her best friend? Was he going to tell the others about what he had witnessed? Tell Leia? Would Ben be okay? Would the resistance use her to get to him? She didn't want to imagine that.

Back the base people were rushing towards them. Questions were asked, the wounded treated. Poe was talking to Leia.

Her hands started to shake. Everything was blurry. There was a noise inside of her ear. It was penetrant and loud and screeching.

Suddenly a hand on her shoulder brought her back to reality.

"Rey, are you alright?"

She looked into the kind eyes of Rose, who seemed seriously worried. "Are you hurt?"

She wanted to answer, but there was no sound coming out of her mouth. Instead she just moved her head in what she hope resembled a nod.

"You don't look fine."

Oh sweet, kind Rose. If only she knew. "Water. Need water." It was the only thing she managed to say.

Rose gave her a quick nod and disappeared into the crowd. Leia was approaching her, but she couldn't deal with that right now. Her feelings would certainly give her away. She could still feel an echo of Ben's lips on hers. The sweet and desperate kisses that happened not through the Force bond but for real this time. She could still feel his touch, smell him, hear his voice. Her heart ached. How much she just wanted to grab him and take him with her, even though she knew that it was impossible.

Someone handed her a glass of water. Was it Rose? Or was it C3PO? Someone else? She couldn't tell.

"We need to talk."

Finn grabbed her hand and led her through the crowd. She could sense his boiling anger, his utter disappointment.

He guided her away from it all, into his room and shut the door behind them. She wasn't sure what to do next. She looked around, trying to avoid his gaze.

"What the hell, Rey?" He was the first one to speak. His voice shaking with anger. "Please tell me you are finally clear again and he was just messing with you to distract us."

He was still clinging to his hope that he witnessed an act of manipulation. That Ben, no Kylo Ren, went into her mind and forced her to comply, but she was sure that even Finn didn't believe it anymore. Not really. It was just his only attempt to justify her actions. He couldn't bring himself to believe that his best friend would betray him like that.

"Ben can't manipulate me. As I can't manipulate him." She barely recognized her own voice. So held back, so feebly.

He went with his hand through his hair, trying to breathe calmly, but his fury was getting the best of him. "Then why? How can you do that? Have you lost your mind? You kissed him!" He walked closer to her, forced her to face him. "Kissed him!" He hissed. "You remember what he did? All those people he hurt and killed?"

She said nothing.

"He killed Han!" Finn yelled now.

She cringed. How could she ever forget that? She would carry that around forever and so would Ben, that she was certain of. "It's so complicated." She knew how that sounded, like she was making up excuses.

"Then uncomplicate it for me." His voice was calmer now, it scared her how low it was, how filled with rage. Finn was a goofball, kind and genuine and she broke him.

"We connected through the Force bond." It was one way to start, though she knew what issue would come up next.

"That happened months ago!" he waved his arms around. She studied his face, counted the seconds until his mind put all the pieces together. He took a step backwards. "Unless it never stopped." He waited for her to make up an excuse, to debunk his theory but her silence spoke more than a thousand words. "You lied." He laughed desperately. "All this time, you lied to us. To me."

She could see his heart breaking right in front of her. He was her first real friend and she was his and now she broke his trust.

"At first, I didn't tell, because I was scared what that meant." She explained calmly. "Then I just couldn't do it anymore. I was in too deep. We both were, Ben and I."

"Stop calling him Ben! His name is Kylo Ren." In Finn's mind that man, that monster did not deserve the name he was given by his parents.

"He is Ben to me." She was surprised about her own calmness. "We tried to convince each other to join the other side. We fought a lot. And then…one night we just stopped." She closed her eyes, recalling all those moments between them that led to this very moment. "We just broke that never ending, exhausting cycle and the we just…talked." It sounded silly to explain it like that, but Finn wanted the truth and he would get it. "We got to know each other."

"You got to know Kylo Ren?" His voice was taunting, masquerading his hurt.

"I got to know Ben Solo."

He walked around his room like a caged tiger. "They are the same person."

"Yes and no. It's complicated." She hated herself for saying that again, but how could she possibly explain it? How could she explain all that they have discovered and shared and felt?

"How is this complicated? You kissed him!" Finn was losing it again, "You…did you kiss him through your…bond as well?" The spite in his voice.

She nodded.

Finn wasn't even sure why he kept asking her these questions. It was like torturing himself. But a part of him needed to know, desperate to understand. "Rey did you…" He gulped, "Did you…?" He couldn't bring himself to ask that intimate question.

"I did." She said, trying to be as steady as possible.

This was getting messier with each passing second. He couldn't think about their physical intimacy anymore. It made him feel sick. "Did you tell him about the raid?"

She knew what he was thinking. "Yes, but before you jump to conclusions –"

"Jump to conclusions?" His voice was high-pitched now, "Do you even listen to yourself? You told the Supreme Leader of the First Order we were going to rob him and look what happened, he showed up and people died!"

Now it was her turn to walk towards him. "Some supporter of the First Order contacted General Hux. Ben was only there to make sure I got out alive. We get out alive!"

Ben. Ben. Ben. That name alone almost drove him over the edge.

"And you just believe that?" He couldn't understand her sudden naivety.

"Yes." Now she sounded strong, truthful. "Ben never lied to me." That she knew in her heart. He had always been honest with her and she trusted him with her life. "He gave me this." She showed him the drive and kyber crystal.

"What is this?" Finn asked, making sure not to touch anything as if it could attack him any second.

"A plan for another facility with food and weapons."

He laughed without humor in his voice. "Another trap."

She ignored that comment. "And a kyber crystal so I can build a new lightsaber." That however caught his attention and for a brief second, she recognized her best friend and all of his enthusiasm behind those angry and sad eyes.

"Rey." He grabbed her shoulders, his voice suddenly so soft, "Why didn't you tell me?" A tear was running down his cheek, "You're like my sister. You are my family."

His tears were too much for her, her own eyes started to get wet. "I didn't know how. I was afraid how you'd react." She confessed.

"We need to tell Leia. Maybe someone else with the Force can make sure you are really not manipulated." He wasn't giving up on that last hope he had, "Or she can help you cut this connection –"

Rey stepped back. Now it was her getting angry, even if she was aware, she had no right to be. "I won't tell her and it's not your decision to make."

"Rey, maybe you don't even know what he is doing –"

"Stop!"

He wasn't Force sensitive, but even he could feel the stirring electricity in the room.

"He is not manipulating me." She said one last time.

"Rey…"

Her temper was getting the best of her. "I know you are angry and hurt and worried and you have every right to be. But this is a thing between Ben and me."

"You should listen to yourself." The judgement in his voice was jarring. He thought she had lost her mind and maybe she had, but what she was feeling was the truest she had ever felt in her entire life. "He –"

"I know who he is. I know what he has done." She snapped. "I'm not excusing it. I know that this is a mess, but I can't help what I'm feeling and I won't apologize for that!"

Everything inside him told him to run. He didn't want to hear it, didn't want to get the whole truth, even though there was no denying it anymore.

Her heart beat faster. She wasn't ready to admit it until now, but seeing him for real this time, touching him, it was all confirmation she needed. It went against her better judgement, it went against everything she ever expected to happen and yet it was the only truth that mattered, wasn't it?

"I love him." All anger disappeared from her voice, there was something Finn had never heard in it before. Certainty mixed with uncertainty, strength, yet insecurity, hope and desperation. But most of all, she smiled saying it. A brilliant and bright smile, like her heart just made a whole new discovery.

"I love him." She repeated, surer of herself now. "I know there is no logic behind it, but this is the truth. I'm in love with him and I'm sure he feels the same."

Something new was added to Finn's anger and disappointment, pity. "Oh Rey…" He looked down for a moment, before searching her eyes again. "You know this can only end in tragedy, right?"

She didn't know how to answer that. Part of her was energized now that she finally admitted it to herself, full of hope and a childish need to scream it out into the world, wishing for a future together, but another part, the more realistic and war-hardened one, agreed with him.

"Probably." She confessed, the smile never leaving her face, "But I don't care. Not anymore. I just want to be with him. I want to cherish every moment we can have together and if that is all we get than at least we had it."

"I'm so mad at you." He sat down on his bed. "I'm furious. I'm disappointed. I don't know how to trust you anymore."

She nodded. She had it coming and she deserved those harsh words.

"But…" He reached out his hand and took hers, "You are my best friend, my sister." He gently squeezed it, "I want you to be happy."

"Finn…" Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

"I don't approve of this." She didn't need his approval, he was fully aware of that. "And I think all of this is insane. I can't even pretend to understand you. But I'm willing to listen. To really listen. I need time. I need it to process this. I can't promise you anything, but I…" he wasn't sure what he even wanted to say.

She wanted nothing more than to hug him, but she knew that this would be too soon. "Take all the time you need." She dried her eyes, leaving him by himself, not sure what to do next.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

People saluted him, even bowed as he entered the main ship. He proved himself being a strong Leader by foiling the rebel scum's plans. Some of them were injured, some even dead. It was a big win for the First Order and his men were impressed he bothered to go and fight them by himself, something Snoke never did. Their old leader was a man behind the curtain, their new one, even if he was more temperamental, had no trouble getting his own hands dirty.

He addressed them with a few words. Talking about order and victory, trying to sound convincing when in truth he felt nothing but defeat.

He couldn't even look into Hux's smug face when he proclaimed his informant had been right. "You want a clap on the back now for doing your job?" Ben asked half-hearted, immediately shutting him up.

Rey's shocked face when her Stormtrooper friend entered the room was burned into his mind. She was so lost, so scared. He hated himself for even being there, for not watching Hux more closely, for allowing his emotions to take over.

And yet, kissing her felt like a rush. He was convinced there could be no better feeling than kissing her and touching her through the Force, but what he had just experienced was beyond his own imagination. Her soft skin against his, her lips touching him. He was hungry for more. He wanted all of her, but not like before. He needed to see her, needed to touch her, needed to feel her.

He was finally able to retreat into his chambers and when he entered he found her already sitting on his bed.

"Hey." He walked towards her and his heart sank. He kneeled in front of her, carefully taking her hands into his. Her eyes were red and puffy. She had cried.

"That bad?" He asked softly.

She nodded and gently stroke his cheek. Touching him felt different now that she had touched the real him. Still, being together through the Force was their only option at the moment.

"Even if he ever forgives me, it will never be the same." She whispered.

He kissed her knuckles. "I am so sorry. I should have known better. I shouldn't have kissed you."

"Ben." She said softly, "This is not your fault. I wanted to kiss you too." She wanted to do more than that, but she figured she didn't have to say that. They both felt the fire between them.

"Will he tell anyone?" With anyone he particularly meant his mother.

"No." She hesitated for a moment. "No, I'm sure."

He got up and climbed into bed behind her, pulling her slowly down with him. He kissed her shoulders and pressed her body closer to his. They were so far away and yet it felt so close.

"Can you just hold me tonight? Make me feel like everything will be alright?" She asked.

He put another kiss on her hair. "Of course."  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Suspicion arose in Leia the moment Rey told her she found a kyber crystal by accident. Those things were too extraordinary to be just lying around. Yet there were pieces of a puzzle missing. Her thoughts were running wild, yet she couldn't place them. Something was going on behind her back and she didn't like it.

One thing she was certain of was that Finn now knew more than before. Something happened during that mission that strained his friendship with Rey. The two of them had always been as thick as thieves and now they could barely look at each other. She asked Chewie about it who just shrugged it off and she was sure that neither Poe nor Rose knew more either.

Finn had been worried about Rey before, now it was mixed with something else. She tried to read his feelings. Anger. Hurt. Disappointment.

But why?

That was the question she had no answer too. She was contemplating using the Force on him and just making him tell, but she wasn't that kind of a general. That kind of a person. She wouldn't invade his mind, she would wait until one of them was ready to talk or be careless enough to give themselves away.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Rey sat alone trying to eat something. Her lightsaber was dangling beside her, she finally finished it and couldn't wait to test it with Ben by her side.

She looked at the empty seat next to her. Finn was away with Poe on a scouting mission for the Facility Ben had given her the plans to. It gave her a little bit of hope that Finn was going along with it despite his previous assumptions it could be a trap. On the other hand, his hunger was getting the best off him. Food was getting rare. They also needed new munition for weapons.

He still wouldn't talk to her. It made her feel like an outsider. Of course, there were Poe and Chewie and BB-8, but she barely could stand their questioning looks when Finn walked away whenever she entered a room.

"May I sit here?" She looked up and saw Rose smiling down on her. She gave her a quick nod. "Sure."

Rose smiled that bright smile of hers and joined her. Rey liked Rose a lot, but she was on alert not to say anything around her. It was an open secret that Rose was in love with Finn and the last thing she needed right now was getting her involved in their problems.

"He wouldn't tell me why you two are fighting." Rose said almost causally.

Rey twitched. She didn't want to have this conversation.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to ask you what happened." Rose said quickly, sensing Rey's uncomfortableness. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you too. I'm not just his friend, you know?" Her voice was filled with compassion, compassion Rey felt she didn't deserve.

"Thanks."

"I'm sure whatever it is, you guys will fix it." Rose said comforting.

Rey smiled sadly. "I'm not so sure." One thing she was sure about however was that Rose wouldn't be as sympathetic if she knew what caused the fight in the first place. That girl had lost her entire family to the First Order, if even she could understand she wouldn't want to.

"Rey?" Rose asked carefully.

"Yes?" Rey felt terribly awkward. She couldn't help it. Rose was so kind and sweet, but right now she couldn't exactly deal with that.

"I'm just…I'm worried. Not just because of you and Finn, but because you seem so sad." She said almost bluntly. "Your eyes always look light years away and you barely eat. What can I do to help you?"

Her directness surprised Rey. A part of her whispered inside of her mind to just tell her everything. Tell her why she is fighting with Finn, about the Force bond, how she fell in love with Ben, how she just wants to end the war and be with him and how their physical separation gets harder and harder to endure.

"How do you think this all will end?" She asked instead.

That seemed to take Rose by surprise. "I don't know. Hopefully with the First Order destroyed and us still alive."

"Do you think it will ever end?"

Rose smiled sadly. "I hope so."

"Me too." She put her plate aside. "Thank you, Rose. Just for asking."

"I'm here for you."

Rey nodded. "I know. I'm here for you too."  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben watched a couple of Stormtroopers training. He was standing on the bridge, hands folded behind his back, looking down on them.

Ever since his encounter with Rey's Stormtrooper friend, the individual now calling himself Finn, there was one thought that never left his mind, what if there were more like him?

What if more Stormtroopers questioned the methods and beliefs of the First Order and wanted to get away from them? Not to join the rebels, but just to live their own lives. If he understood correctly that was what Finn originally wanted, until he met Rey and that droid and became loyal to her. If that was the case, maybe that was what they truly needed to end this. No final fight between First Order and Resistance, but dismantling it from the inside. He couldn't believe he of all people got that thought, but did those Stormtroopers deserve to die for a cause that was thrust upon them?

"Supreme Leader."

He rolled his eyes and didn't bother to turn around. "What do you want, General?"

Hux took his place beside him, looking down at the troops. "Our latest victory seems to motivate them." He said grinning. "Maybe we should plan our next move."

Ben wasn't foolish, Hux was trying to bait him, to force him into action to prove himself. That weasel just waited for him to make a mistake.

"Without knowing the rebel's location, we can only wait for their next move and meanwhile strengthen our men and keep our allies." He said in a stoic voice. He had to keep his posture, no matter how much he hated it. If it were up to him, he would just grab Rey and run away with her to the end of the galaxy, but that unfortunately wasn't an option.

"How is it we don't know the rebels' location yet again?" Hux had his suspicions that Kylo Ren was hiding something from him. He wasn't exactly sure what it was, but he wouldn't rest until he uncovered it. Ever since Snoke's death by the hand of that lowlife scavenger he suspected something was not right, he just had no evidence to prove it. Yet.

"They keep moving." The Force bond was now so strong it allowed Ben and Rey to see full locations, so he had an idea where the resistance was hiding. He was simply not going to say a word. As long as Hux was busy searching he was out of his way.

"Shouldn't a powerful Force user as your highness be able to sense the girl? Or General Organa?" Ben didn't know what he hated more. Being called a Sith, the mocking your highness or Hux daring to talk about Rey or his mother. His blood started to boil up again and it took all of his willpower not to throw him across the room.

He turned around. "If you have something important to discuss, General, you know where to find me." He left without another word, keeping a satisfied smile to himself.

Hux clenched his fists. He had to do something about that man. Kylo Ren was unpredictable and dangerous and not fit to lead the First Order, so much was clear. He was also hiding something and Hux started to get some sort of an idea what that was.

"Lieutenant." He called one of his underlings.

"Yes, sir?" A tall, slender guy with light brown her appeared next to him.

"I want you to do something for me." If Ren was keeping secrets from him, so could he. He only had to stay out of his way for a while or his thoughts would give him away. How much he hated those Jedi and their mind-tricks.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leia woke up in the middle of a meadow. The sun was shining brightly, the air was fresh and everything seemed oddly peaceful.

She immediately recognized it as a dream. She smiled. What a pleasant dream it was. She looked around and recognized the place. She visited it before during happier times. It was her birth mother's home planet, Naboo. There was not another planet in the Galaxy with such beautiful meadows.

Leia wondered why her dreams would take her there. She hadn't visited that planet in ages. Too many hurtful memories of days gone by.

A giggle suddenly caught her attention. She curiously followed the sound and found a little girl picking flowers not too far away.

The girl wore a bright blue dress, her brown her was long and curly and her voice reminded her of a bell. She couldn't have been older than six or seven.

She turned around and ran towards Leia. "For you." She handed her a coronal she made.

Leia smiled at her. "Oh, thank you, dear."

The girl responded with a toothy grin, missing two front teeth. There was something so familiar about her.

"Can you tell me why I'm here?" Leia sat down on the grass and gestured the girl to sit down next to her.

"I thought you were here to visit me." The girl said, still smiling. "I'm your favorite, right?" She laughed whole heartedly.

Leia was confused. "My favorite?"

The girl pulled out her little finger. "I won't tell him, pinky promise."

Leia wrapped her finger around the little girl's one and wondered who she meant by him. "Pinky promise."

The dream started to feel weird, a little bit too real for her taste. "Is this a dream?" She asked.

The girl shrugged. "Do you think it's a dream?"

Leia hesitated. "Not really." But what else could it be? A vision perhaps? Was the Force trying to show her something?

"You have to go." The girl suddenly sprang to her feet. "I hope we will meet again. It's in your hand." She said cryptically before hugging Leia.

Before she could ask another question, she woke up in her own bed. There was no coronal in her hand anymore, but she could still smell those flowers.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was distracting when he wasn't wearing a shirt. He didn't understand that and it drove her up a wall. He had no sense of his own beauty for some reason. Her eyes stayed on his bare chest. She was trying to stay smooth despite every part of her body reacting to him. But now wasn't the time for that.

He leaned against the wall, arms crossed. She loved his arms. A blush crept over her face. Not the time. She had to remind herself again.

"You know I can sense your feelings, right?" He said with a cocky grin.

She picked up her pillow and threw it at him. "Don't do that!"

They usually avoided reading each other's emotions, but sometimes they couldn't help it. "You are…intense today."

"Then stop it!"

"Stop what?" Oh, he knew what she meant, he just had fun teasing her. It was the first night since they were discovered that she was cheerful and relaxed and he missed that smile on her face.

"Standing there shirtless, all handsome and showing off those arms…I'm trying to focus."

He laughed. It was still new to him to have an effect on people that was neither intimidation nor irritation and he enjoyed it immensely. "Go ahead then."

She held her new lightsaber in her hands. That was it, the moment of truth. If this wasn't going to work, she had to personally find the mysterious Knights of Ren and steal one. "Here goes nothing." She said and activated it. The light started to shine and for the first time in a while she held a functioning lightsaber in her hands, only that this one wasn't as blue as the one she lost. "Purple." She said surprised. "Does that mean anything?"

"Well, mostly that it's an original crystal and not a synthetic one. Snoke only kept a few of them."

She wielded the sword around, careful not to destroy anything in her small room.

"It suits you." He said, "The color."

She smiled at him. "I like it, too." She kept moving through the room. "It feels different in my hands then Luke's." She confessed. "Somehow heavier."

He walked towards her until he was right behind her and softly placed his hand over hers. They moved the sword together. "It's like that with every new weapon." He explained, "You need to get a feel for it. The lightsaber and you need to become one."

She didn't had trouble feeling it when she first used the original Skywalker sword, but maybe that happened because it somehow decided that she was going to be its next user. Like it also complied to Ben's will when he used it to kill Snoke. This lightsaber however was different, it was her own creation and didn't have that strange own will yet.

He put his other hand around her waist and softly guided her movements. "Careful." He whispered into her ear. "Take it slow, give it time to adjust to it."

"Alright. I will practice. Thanks."

He shrugged. "Told you I would be a good teacher."

She chuckled and deactivated the lightsaber, using the Force to transport it to her nightstand. Then she turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck. She got on her tip toes and pulled him into a long, passionate kiss.

He pulled her body closer and lifted her up bridal style, carrying her to the bed. She giggled, never really stopping to kiss him.

He gently put her down, slowly pulling her shirt over her head. "I'm glad you are smiling."

She started to undo his belt. "I needed that tiny bit of success."

He started kiss her neck, gently massaging one of her breasts while she hastily pulled his pants down. "I want to be with you, really be with you." He pulled her pants and underwear down.

"I know." She moaned quietly. "I want to be with you, too." She wrapped her legs around his waist. "Let's just enjoy what we have for now."

There was nothing else they could do.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leia couldn't sleep anymore. That strange dream, or vision, stirred her up. At first, she thought the Force was showing her images of the past and that the little girl had been her mother as a child, but she had seen pictures of Padmé Amidala to know that this wasn't her.

And what about those cryptic parting words? What was in her hands now?

"You are giving me a headache and I'm dead."

She jumped around. "I was wondering when you would visit me."

He brother set crossed-legged on her bed, grinning a grin she hadn't seen in years. "Believe it or not Master Yoda an Obi-Wan made it look easier than it actually is."

She wanted to hug him, but she knew she would just reach into thin air. So, she just sat down next to him, trying to feel as close to him as possible. "You are here for a reason."

His expression turned serious. "Leia, I think we need to talk."  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"General?" Hux was staring out of the window, into the dark of space when one of his men approached him.

"Lieutenant." He said, "Back so soon?"

The man nodded. "I was doing as you said, I was looking again through Supreme Leader Snoke's Throne room and I found something." He handed Hux a small, round device.

Hux grinned. That was the mistake he had been waiting for. If he was right, then the days of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren would be over soon and he would finally be unmasked as the traitor Hux always believed him to be.

"General? May I ask what that is?"

Hux put his hand on the Lieutenant's shoulder. "That is a very specific camera from the Old Empire. Most people don't even know it exists anymore." He said, his eyes never leaving the small device.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thank you so much for comments and kudos, you always make my day! So, I wrote the first 10 Chapters after TLJ (as previously mentioned) and looking at it now, I pretty much rebelled against Tros before it was even a thing... don't know what that says about me. Anyways, hope you enjoy the chapter, always remember, comments are love.

**Chapter Four**

_This World keeps spinning faster_

_Into a new disaster so I run to you_

_I run to you, baby_

_When it all starts coming undone_

_Baby, you're the only one I run to_

_I run to you_

\- I Run To You, Lady Antebellum

Leia studied Luke's appearance. He looked exactly the same as he had when she had last seen him. He was so real, except that flickering blue light surrounding him. She had to remind herself he was a ghost, a fragment of the Force and that the brother she loved so dearly hadn't truly returned to her.

"Have you seen our father?" She asked after a while.

He smiled briefly. "I have. We had quite a few interesting conversations." He said ominously and Leia knew he wasn't going to share whatever the content of their talks had been.

She bit her lip. A childish thought crossed her mind, something she believed she had overcome a long time ago. "Why does he never show himself to me?" Bail Organa was the father she grew up with and loved dearly, yet Anakin Skywalker always remained a fascination to her, she denied her relation to him for most of her adult life, yet a part of her always wondered.

"He said it wasn't the time yet." And with that she knew the conversation on that topic was closed. They had more important matters to discuss anyways. "Leia, I'm sorry." He said after a while with a heavy heart.

She shook her head. "I told you before not to apologize. You only did what –"

"No." He interrupted her. "Hear me out on this." His twin was stubborn, always had been, but he needed to get this one thing off his chest, because he had no chance t do so while still alive. "I let my fear cloud my judgement. I should have talked to him, protected him from Snoke's growing influence, but I failed."

"His decisions are still his alone." Leia said fiercely. Admitting that they could have prevented what happened to her son was too painful, she couldn't allow herself to sink into this hole again, it would only destroy her. The resistance needed her to be their leader, to be strong for them and even the slightest moment of weakness could mean their downfall. She had been down that rabbit hole before, all those years ago when her son left to join Snoke and the First Order and it nearly destroyed her. The resistance gave her meaning, she couldn't lose that.

"I know." Luke said sympathetically, sensing her inner distress and turmoil, "But we have been running from the truth for far too long now, don't you think?"

Her hands started to shake, her eyes were getting red. She told her body to stop, but it wouldn't listen. She loved Luke, but damn him for always getting under her skin like this.

"We weren't there for him. Han and I." Speaking it out loud was like twisting a knife in her own heart. "He was busy being Han…" Only Luke would truly understand what that meant, "And I was…I was trying to build a world where my son could live in freely." Memories were washing over her. Memories of holding a newborn Ben in her arms, of watching that sensitive boy always burying his head in a book, but also of that lonely eyes, that underlying rage that build up inside of him growing older. "I guess I was busy planning ahead I forgot being his mother."

Luke wished he could hug her, comfort her as she needed it. "You loved him. You still do. You made mistakes, but we all did."

She gave him a small smile. "But ours created Kylo Ren."

Luke shrugged. "You know, being dead gives you a lot of time to consider your life choices."

It was beyond her how he could talk about his fate with such an ease, but that was Luke as he had always been to her, before the burden of his own legacy became too much. Positive, sweet, endlessly optimistic and a weird sense of humor.

"I think we maybe got it all wrong. Not just us, but the old Jedi Council as well."

"What do you mean?" She asked curiously, slowly drying her tears.

"Light Side, Dark Side…" He got up from his position and walked towards her window, looking out into the infinity of space. "They believed bringing balance to the Force meant destroying the Sith. They thought our father would bring balance and we thought he did when he decided to turn against the Emperor…then Snoke rose…what if bringing balance means something else?"

Leia eyed him like he had turned into a legitimately crazy person at this point. Questioning past mistakes was one thing, questioning everything they previously believed in was something entirely different.

"You must think I lost my mind." He laughed.

"Just a little bit. Maybe the air is too thin on the other side." She joked.

He laughed again. How much he missed her spunk and humor. "I'm serious though. Maybe balance doesn't mean that one side needs to destroy the other, but embracing both of it. Don't we all have a dark side buried inside of us?" He remembered being a young man, tempted by Vader to join his course. It wasn't only Ben or Rey who heard the call of the darkness, once upon a time he had heard it as well. "Doesn't true balance mean accepting all of our sides and finding a way to let them co-exist?"

Leia had no answer to that. The thought alone was quite overwhelming to her. "That is all very nice, but how does that help me win this war?" Wasn't that why he wanted to talk to her in the first place? Not to discuss the nature of the Force, but how to defeat the First Order?

He waved his arms around. "But don't you see? It's all connected." Looking into her face he only saw more questions. "I thought Rey would be Kylo Ren's undoing."

"You think she is meant to kill him." Leia knew that he had to be stopped, made her peace with that, still it hurt to admit it.

To her surprise, Luke only smiled mischievously. "I didn't say that."

"Then what do you mean?" Leia was getting frustrated with him.

"Things are developing in a far more interesting way than I ever anticipated." He confessed.

She crossed her arms. "Care to elaborate?"

"Actually no." He started to dematerialize in front of her. "You will have to make some tough decisions, sister. But, rules of ghostly interference. I can't tell you too much."

Leia sprang to her feet. "You just made that up! Don't you dare leaving now!"

"I promised Obi-Wan a game of chess, excuse me." With ha hint of a laugh he left Leia behind in her chambers.

"Unbelievable." She said to herself, not knowing if he was still listening or not.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Lieutenant, go and find me a droid that can access the camera!" Hux ordered.

The Lieutenant nodded. "Sir?" He asked carefully. "May I ask what you hope to find on it?"

Hux grinned. "Just the truth. And now leave!" He leaned back into his chair. Change was coming, he could feel it.

If he knew anything for sure about his former Supreme Leader, then that Snoke had been paranoid. Even with his ability to look into the minds of his servants, he always had a back up plan and trusted no one. Not even his supposed star student. Maybe especially not him.

Hux always had the small suspicion that Snoke took Kylo under his wing not only because he saw his enormous potential, but also because it meant controlling his power. While he himself still doubted the great Kylo Ren was as strong as everybody believed him to be, there was something inside that man that even made Snoke uneasy. And it fit, didn't it? Control that power, turn it into your own weapon before the resistance can make use of it.

In another lifetime he might have felt sorry for Kylo. Living a life in the shadow of legends, being used and abused for his power, never truly belonging somewhere, never allowed to be your own person.

But things were the way they were, and he didn't have the luxury of compassion. They were at war and he was determined to come out on the top. After all, Supreme Leader Armitage Hux had a very nice ring to it.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben put soft kisses on her fingers. "There are so many places I'd like to show you." He whispered as she snuggled closer to his chest. "Planets with forests and lakes, the ocean, mountains, cities in the sky with buildings higher than you can ever imagine…"

She sighed. "That sounds wonderful." She put a kiss on his chest. "Just us. Our very own adventure." It was so nice dream of a different life where they could be together, doing whatever they wanted, not caring for the world.

"I'd take you wherever you want to go."

She got up, supporting herself on her elbow to look him into the eyes. "I'm happy wherever you are." She knew it sounded mushy, but it was the truth. She just wanted to be with, no matter where, they could make a home anywhere in the galaxy.

He gently tugged her hair aside, caressing her cheek. Her beauty was beyond words, she was as beautiful on the outside as she was inside. Her big, generous heart, her compassion, intelligence, courage and warmth bewitched him in way he didn't think possible. She turned his tragic life upside down. She came into it like a storm and stirred up everything. While working under Snoke he never truly cared if he survived this war or not, now for the first time since that fateful night he decided to give his life to the darkness, he truly wanted to live. He wanted to have a future, experience life at its fullest with her by his side. Was that what love felt like? That rush, that sensation, that impossible cross between courage and fear?

She leaned down to place a soft kiss on his lips. "I've never felt truly at home until I met you." She whispered against his skin.

His response was pulling her into another deep kiss. He once offered her to rule the galaxy with him, how foolish he had been. He didn't want to rule it, he just wanted to show it to her. He wanted to see it alongside her. Be at home with her. Slowly he started to understand why their Force connection wasn't broken with Snoke's death. It was never him that connected them, he just believed that. It has always been them, reaching out unconsciously for their other half. Light and Dark pushing and pulling until they finally found their own rhythm and realized they weren't so different at all.

"Thank you." He said.

"For what?" She asked with that brilliant smile of hers.

"Everything."  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rey hummed a happy melody the next morning. The rebels were preparing for their next raid, one she gladly sat out this time. She was too occupied training with her new lightsaber and getting it under control.

She smiled absentmindedly making her way through the base and didn't even notice it when Finn started to walk alongside her.

"You might wanna hide that lovey-dovey face a bit more or people will get suspicious." He nudged her.

Her smile dropped. "I'm not lovey-dovey. I'm just…" She stopped, realizing that for the first time in weeks Finn actually spoke to her.

Finn, noticing her immediate change of mood, just continued on like their fight had never happened. "So, purple?" He asked.

Her eyes widened. She needed a moment to realize he was talking about her lightsaber. "Yeah, purple."

Finn followed her into the trainings room. It was small, but it served its purpose. He was still hurt and confused over the whole messy situation they were in, but that didn't stop him from missing his best friend. He might could not understand her, but not talking to her hurt too much. He needed her in his life and even if he couldn't even grasp that new reality she opened to him, he made the decision that no matter how much he disapproved and believed that her secret romance would end in tragedy, he wasn't going to lose her over it. Besides, a tiny part still hoped that all of it was a mistake, a trick the Force played on her or whatever Kylo Ren was capable of and how could he ever find out the truth if he wasn't close to her?

"Does that mean anything?"

She was glad they were alone in the room, it allowed her to speak more freely. "Not really. Ben says it mostly depends on the crystal you use to make it." She caught his irritated and disapproving look, yet it felt good to talk about Ben with someone, keeping everything a secret was eating her up from the inside.

She activated the lightsaber, practicing some new moves while Finn sat on the floor, watching her in awe.

"So, the bad guys only collect red crystals then?" He asked curiously. He told himself he only showed interest for her sake, but part of him was truly fascinated with it.

She laughed. "No. The Sith mostly use synthetic ones. That's why they are all red." She explained briefly.

He bit his lip. There were so many things he wanted t to ask her, but he wasn't sure how. If she truly wasn't manipulated or brainwashed and he knew he at least had to try to understand her and her feelings, no matter how difficult that was. If Rey was in love with that guy, maybe there was something good deep inside of him after all. He closed his eyes. Han's final moments played in front of him. Pain rushed through his veins. How did she do that? How did she carry that memory around and still managed to love the man who did that?

"It's not easy." She suddenly said. She tugged her lightsaber away and sat down next to him. "Living with those memories and still accepting the person I see now."

He was seriously freaked out. He knew that the Force allowed Jedi to see into the minds of others, but he never experienced it first-hand.

"Don't worry. I didn't read your thoughts."

"But how…?"

"I know you, Finn." She gently squeezed his hand and was delighted when he didn't pull away. Their friendship was so fragile right now she feared every wrong move could shatter it again.

He gave her a small smile. Baby steps. "Do you think droids can have relationships?" He blurted out.

"What?"

"Like R2 and 3PO…they argue like an old married couple. I also sometimes wonder if BB-8 is a boy droid or a girl droid, you never think about that? Just the other day…" He babbled on and on and Rey sat there and listened and laughed. He wasn't ready to discuss their initial fight yet and she understood that. For now, she was just happy to have her best friend back.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben sat alone in the control room. Hux was off probably grilling informants about the location of the rebel base again and he couldn't care less. He was glad not to deal with his annoying voice and accusations today.

Sometimes he wished he had his mask back on. He was constantly on alert that his face would not give his feelings away. Spending so much time with Rey, hearing her say all those wonderful words made him smile, something he never really did before, even as a child. He couldn't risk being discovered in a moment of weakness.

Every day he got more restless. He needed to act soon, find away to end this war or he was positive he would go mad.

"Sir?" A Stormtrooper entered the room. He was shaking, nervous, almost paralyzed by fear.

Ben wondered if he really was that terrifying. He never saw himself as particularly scary, but his reputation preceded him.

"What?" He asked annoyed.

The Stormtrooper handed him a file. "That's…that's the report on Facility Area 7-TPPU, Sir. Everything the rebels stole…I'm sorry we failed you, Supreme Leader…Sir!"

Ben tried to hide an amused smile. Oh, if only the poor boy knew who gave the rebels the plan to that facility. He made a gesture to let the Stormtrooper now where to put it. He studied his movements. Such a nervous wreck.

"Stormtrooper." And idea hit his mind. "Take off your helmet." He ordered.

"Sir?" The Stormtrooper asked confused.

Her rolled his eyes and raised his voice. "I said take off your helmet!"

"Yes, sir!" The Stormtrooper complied. Under the while mask Ben found a young man, probably not older than 20. Blonde hair, big green eyes and freckles around his nose. He looked terrified.

"What is your name?" A redundant question, he knew. Stormtroopers had no names, just numbers. The First Order never treated them as people, just as weapons, as machines.

"K…KN-3045, Sir." He stuttered.

Ben got up, mustered the boy closer. "Do you remember anything about your past?" He asked with genuine curiosity. He knew the Stormtroopers had been brainwashed into forgetting who they were, some of them kidnapped as children, but still, shouldn't something remain?

The young man shook his head. "I only remember the First Order." Sadness fell over his face. "I only need the First Order." He added quickly.

"Have you heard about the Stormtrooper who abandoned the course and joined the resistance?" Curiosity hit him again. Did Stormtroopers talk about stuff like that? Did they have relationships? A sense of comradery? He never thought of them as people before, but now he did. He hated Snoke for turning him into his servant, for making him his personal weapon, but was he any better if he treated those men like nothing more than disposable objects?

"He is a traitor who deserves to be eliminated."

The answer was rehearsed, that Ben was sure of. The young soldier only told him what he thought he wanted to hear. That needed to change. He considered just getting into his mind to distract the answer he was looking for, but wouldn't that be contra productive?

"If you had the chance to leave the First Order, what would you do?"

"I would never-"

Ben silenced him with a gesture. "Tell me the truth." He softened his voice. "And don't even think about lying, I know it when you lie."

The boy looked like he was about to cry. "I wouldn't want to join the rebels" he said then, "I just…I want to stop fighting. I want to find out who I really am. I just want to be –"

"Free." Ben finished his sentence for him.

The young man gulped. "Yes."

Ben could emphasize so much with him, more than he could ever admit.

"Please don't kill me, Sir." The Stormtrooper said quietly.

"I won't." Ben assured him. "I appreciate your honesty." He sat back into his chair. "Are there more like you? Who just want this to be over?"

He hesitated a moment before he finally nodded. "Yes, Sir. A lot of us are just tired. There are those who genuinely believe in the First Order, but some of us…" he didn't dare to finish that sentence.

Ben turned away from him. "Thank you, for your honesty. You can leave now." He sensed the relief in the boy.

"Thank you, Sir." Before he made it out of the door however, an invisible force seemed to stop him. He slowly turned around, as if his body was moving on his own.

"KN." Ben addressed him, holding him in his place, "Don't tell anybody about this conversation."

The boy shook his head. "Of course not, Sir." When Ben released him, he stumbled out of the room, lucky to be alive.

Ben leaned back. The idea forming inside of his mind was probably foolish and dangerous and bound to fail, but it was worth the risk.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hux was in his chambers, holding the camera in his hands. Lucky for him a droid able to deceiver the material on it was found and he ordered everyone to leave him alone. He wanted to enjoy this moment of victory.

He sat on how bed, staring at the small device that held his future. There was no doubt in his mind that what it would show to him was the truth he had known all along.

He opened it and pushed a small button. A hologram appeared in front of him. There was Snoke on his throne, Kylo and the girl. He witnessed the torture, the demands, Snoke's cold voice and Kylo's conflict. Then it happened. The Skywalker lightsaber moved on its own, slicing Snoke in a half. Hux knew that it wasn't the girl. He always knew it wasn't the girl that killed the Supreme Leader.

A cruel smile appeared on his face as he watched the rest of the video. Kylo Ren fighting side by side with the scavenger, slaughtering Snoke's guards. He offered her to rule with him. Of course, he did.

"Jedi scum." Hux whispered to himself as he put the camera away. He needed a moment to collect himself before he stepped outside his chambers. "Lieutenant!" He yelled. "I want you to gather everyone on this ship, including our dear Supreme Leader. I have a discovery to share and I'm sure he is dying to see it."  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rey stumbled as they left the trainings room.

"Whoa, careful." Finn caught her arms.

"Thanks." She looked confused. "I…just for a moment I felt so dizzy. Like something bad is going to happen…"

"A disturbance in the Force?" Finn asked, wondering if that was how the Force worked.

She leaned against the wall, her stomach tightening together. "I don't know. I just feel weird." She didn't want to mention it to Finn, but she was worried something happened to Ben. She never felt like this before and she was certain the Force was trying to tell her something.

"I need to go back to my room." She suddenly rushed past him. She needed the privacy of her own chambers. The Force allowed her to see him by sheer will once before, maybe it would grant her that wish again.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What is this?" Ben rushed past Stormtroopers and guards. "Is this a joke?" He approached Hux, standing on the bridge with a self-satisfied smile on his face.

"Supreme Leader!" He opened his arms, he was going to make show out of this and enjoy every second. "How nice of you to show up."

Ben sensed no fear in Hux this time. He tried to calm his own nerves instead. He was no fool, he guessed what was going on even though he had no idea how it could have happened.

"My dear fellow soldiers of the First Order." He addressed the room, "You all serve our cause so well, you all served the dearly departed Supreme Leader Snoke and many of you, as I am myself, are still loyal to him."

Ben was sick to his stomach. How much that idiot loved to hear himself give grant speeches.

"I think you deserve to know what really happened to him."

Ben considered killing Hux on the spot, but what good would come out of it? Knowing that little bastard he had a back up plan in case Ben snapped and whatever his proof was, Hux dead or alive meant nothing right now, he was done no matter what.

"I present you proof of how Kylo Ren murdered our true Leader to conspire with rebel scum!"

Ben watched the film, he barely heard the gasps and surprised noises around him. How could he have been so careless? Of course, Snoke had some back up security, why didn't he think of that?

Because your heart was broken, a voice whispered inside of his mind. It was a cruel irony. He just started to come up with a plan to end all of this and now, even in death, Snoke managed to make a fool out of him.

The world disappeared in a blur. He heard Hux angrily order his troops to kill him for treason, secretly helping the resistance, sacrificing his own man, murdering the Supreme Leader in cold blood.

Ben didn't move. There was no way out of this situation. Even if there were some Stormtrooper who chose loyalty to him over Hux, they would have been too scared to act. He was the most powerful man in the room, yet utterly helpless. Even with all of his strength he was outnumbered by hundreds of people.

He closed his eyes. Just when he found a reason to live he was going to die without ever getting a chance to really be with her. Maybe that was his punishment for what he did. Maybe that was what the Force wanted all along. Promising him love only to take it away again. His father's face appeared in front of him. That was his payment for what he did to him.

"Ben!"

Her voice. But how could that be? It was too early for the Force to connect them, he was sure about that.

"Ben, please!"

She sounded so far away, yet he could feel her presence surrounding him. Rey. His Rey.

"Shoot him!" Hux yelled from the top of his lungs.

He heard the weapons, saw the laser beams coming straight at him without even opening his eyes.

"Ben."

Hux grinned, it had been everything he wanted ever since he met that arrogant Vader offspring.

"General…" His Lieutenant suddenly said. "Look…"

Hux grin left his face immediately. No laser ever hit Kylo. It looked like time itself had stopped. He was standing there, surrounded by Stormtroopers and other guards, his hands spread out and he held every shot directed at him mid-air.

"What the…?" Then time started moving again. Or was it actually faster than it used to be? Hux wasn't so sure. Laser beams hit the people shooting them, Stormtroopers were pushed through the air, that damn red lightsaber was glowing as it sliced up people.

"Get him!" He yelled. "Capture him! Shoot him! Don't let him get away!" Hux couldn't believe his own eyes. There were so many of them and yet Kylo Ren bested them. His fighting style vicious, he looked like a demon. If Hux had been scared of him before, he was terrified now. That man had to be stopped.

Ben never felt in-control of his powers like that before. He let loose, becoming one with the Force. For the first time in his life he ignored the fight between dark and light inside of him and just felt the power running through his whole body. Uncontrollable power, rage. Luke feared him for that. Even Snoke did. Well, if they were watching right now, he would give them something truly terrifying.

He sliced through his enemies. He picked multiple troopers up at the same time and smashed them around. He dodged every bullet, every laser directed at him. He knew he was still outnumbered. This wasn't all the First Order had to offer and he clearly couldn't win, but that wasn't important right now. Important was survival. Her voice was all it needed to ignite his fire and for her he would get out of this.

He lost count of how many he fought when he finally reached a ship. Hux was still shouting, he was sure of that, but he would deal with him later.

He started the ship, using the Force to open the gates and made his escape. They send troopers after him, luckily the one good thing he inherited from his father were excellent piloting skills. Outsmarting them was not the problem, finding a save place however was.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rey paced around in her room, calling out his name over and over again, until his face finally appeared.

"Ben!" She gasped. "I felt something. Are you alright? Where are you? I can't see your surroundings. Your cheek…you're bleeding!"

"Rey, shhhh." He said softly, yet out of breath. "I'm on a stolen ship. The First Order is after me."

She dropped on her bed. "What? What happened?"

She heard noises in the background that suggested he was still engaged in combat. Her heart beat faster. This couldn't be happening.

"Hux found out I killed Snoke."

She covered her mouth with her hand. They knew this would be happen sooner or later, but she genuinely hoped for later.

"I need to get away from them. And then –"

"Ahch-To. Meet me on Ahch-To. I will let you into my mind to get the coordinates." She made a decision for herself and them. "From now on we will do this together."

"Rey, if you leave the resistance now they will think –"

"Listen to me." Her voice urgent, yet soft. "We tried to find a solution, but we've been going in circles. We are in this together and from now on, we will be doing this together."

He stayed silent, amazed by her words.

"No one could track Luke there and no one will find us. And then we can find a way to end this war, together." She reassured him.

"Together." He repeated. This was it, this would change it all. If she left the resistance now, they would both be hunted by either side. They would think she was a traitor or in the best case just kidnapped, either way, they needed to find a way out of this situation if they ever wanted to have a future together and he was going to fight for it.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She grabbed her lightsaber and a few things and sneaked into the hangar. She couldn't take the Falcon without Chewie noticing, so she settled on a smaller ship only used for scouting missions.

Her heart was heavy leaving her friends behind, but she couldn't go on like this. She was determined to find a way to bring peace back to the galaxy, but not with keeping this war going on any longer.

"So, you're leaving?"

She found Finn leaning against the wall. "I didn't expect you to abandon us."

"I don't. I'm finding a way to end this for good." She couldn't let her feelings get into her way now. "Hux found out Ben killed Snoke."

That revelation surprised Finn. "You're going to meet him?"

She nodded.

"And then what? You two against the rest of the galaxy?" He thought she was going mad. There was no other explanation for it. That couldn't end well. It just couldn't.

"I don't know." She kept her voice quiet, not wanting to alarm someone. She was surprised they weren't already interrupted. "All I know is, that we need to end this. Not just for us to be together, but for everyone involved."

She sensed conflict in Finn, but couldn't interpret it. Was he struggling rather to call the guards on her or not?

"I'm so going to regret this." He said, more to himself than to her. He walked towards her and took her bag. Then he walked past her, entering the ship she was going to take.

She followed him confused. "What are you doing?"

"The moment I saw you entering the hangar I disabled security. We have approximately five more minutes before anybody realizes what we are doing." He sat down on the co-pilot seat, "Come on." He pointed at the seat next to him, "you need to fly that thing."

"Finn, what are you doing?"

"Apparently following you on a suicide mission, because I'm an idiot."

"Finn!" She threw her arms around him. "Thank you. Thank you, so much."

He gently pushed her away. "You can thank me later, first let's get out of her."

She nodded and smiled. She was going to see Ben soon. Her best friend was on her side. For the first time that night she felt hopeful again.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"General?"

"Lieutenant Connix." Leia said as the young woman entered her chambers. "What can I do for you?"

"I have to report an unauthorized start. Someone briefly disabled our security system."

"Excuse me?" Leia almost yelled. "How is that possible?"

"General Leia!" Poe Dameron almost ran over Connix entering Leia's chambers. "Finn and Rey, they are missing."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much again for all your support! I hope you will enjoy this next chapter and what will come next. It's basically a whole new part of the story, because now they are finally together without the Force bond. As always, reviews are awesome.

_See who I am,_

_Break through the surface._

_Reach for my hand,_

_Let's show them that we can_

_Free our minds and find a way_

_The World is in our hands_

_This is not the end._

\- See Who I Am, Within Temptation

The ship was done for, so much he was sure about. He just managed to crash land on Ahch-To without hurting himself, but he certainly wouldn't be able to fly with it again. He was stuck on that island of a planet for now. He strongly hoped Rey would find him before any ship of the First Order would do so.

The air was fresh and cold. He always enjoyed being close to the sea and he knew Luke did too. He figured it had something to do with him growing up on a desert planet. He shook his head. The planet was not that far off from where he searched once, Luke was hiding directly under his nose and yet he couldn't find him. But now he understood why. The Force was strong on the planet, almost like he could physically touch it. He never felt its presence like this before. The air, the earth, it surrounded everything.

He dropped his gloves on the muddy ground, as if they were a final reminder of the First Order to let go. He reached out his hand as if he could touch the wind. He closed his eyes. There was something else he felt.

His uncle's presence was written all over the place. This was the planet Luke Skywalker, the legendary Jedi, spent his final years on, where he died to save the resistance.

Ben didn't feel remorse for his uncle's death, yet there was a certain kind of sorrow washing over him. He did love that man, even if that was a long time ago.

"Not even I could have predicted the direction this would take."

Ben drew his lightsaber and swung it around. "You!" He yelled, staring into Luke's face. He was there, but not really. There was something otherworldly about him.

Luke laughed and waved his hands, trying to appease his hot-headed nephew. "Careful, careful. I'm already dead."

Ben kept his lightsaber up, bright and red and another symbol of the path he had chosen. "Are you here to haunt me now?" He said bitterly. "To taunt me?"

"You don't need me for that." Luke said, "The memory of your father will do just fine." His voice was filled with sadness. Han was not a Jedi, he had never been Force sensitive and even in death there was no reunion with his best friend.

Ben put the lightsaber away. "Do not speak of him." He hissed.

Luke said once more. "I'm not here to argue or to fight." He sat down on a nearby rock and crossed his legs. "Come on, sit down."

Ben stood still, not making a move. "Then what have you come for?"

"To apologize, mostly." Luke answered.

Now it was Ben's turn to laugh. A bitter, humorless laugh.

"I should have protected you." Luke continued. "I should have never allowed Snoke to get into your head. I was afraid, when I should have been strong. You were my responsibility and I failed you as a teacher…" He hesitated, "But more so, I failed you as your uncle." Words that have been unspoken in life now finally left his lips in death and it felt strangely liberating.

"A little bit too late for that, don't you think?" Ben hissed.

Luke got up again, his eyes wandered over the hills, the green meadows and the dark, ravishing sea. "Perhaps. But better late than never, right?"

Ben wasn't sure what to make of this apology. A part of him wanted to accept it, wanted to embrace the Uncle he once worshipped and loved dearly. But that was the little boy who still held on to childish hope. The man was still hurt by the deep betrayal, still dreamed about that glowing green lightsaber hovering over his head. He wanted nothing more but to kill Luke again.

"You tried to kill me when all I needed was your help." Ben's voice trembled. "I was tempted by Snoke and his promises, but I would have never betrayed you!" His voice got louder now. "I respected you! I admired you! I loved you!" He yelled.

"I know." Luke said, with a sad smile on his face. "What I saw that night…inside of your mind…were that your thoughts or Snoke showing me what he wanted me to see? Playing with my fears?"

Ben fought back the tears in his eyes. "I don't know." He confessed. Snoke had been capable of so much evil, Ben always suspected he was somehow involved in his final step towards the descent, but at the time he chose not to care, he chose his hatred over potential forgiveness. "The Dark Side had been calling out to me since I can remember. It has been tearing me apart. And now I…" He didn't want to open up to Luke, didn't want to trust him with his deepest and darkest feelings, but he couldn't stop himself. Something inside of him just snapped. "I don't know who I am anymore. Not Ben Solo. Not Kylo Ren either. I don't know what I am doing anymore, where my place is."

"Oh Ben." Nothing but compassion was in Luke's voice. Ben was taken back to his childhood, to crying on the hangar of whatever planet they were staying on at the time, watching the Falcon leave again. He felt Luke's hand on his shoulder, telling him that no matter where he was, his father loved him and that he just had to be a good boy. The compassion, the understanding.

"You are shaping your own destiny now. You are whoever you want to be." Luke said, silently envying the luxury he never had himself. "You are so much like your grandfather."

Ben looked up. Shocked and perplexed.

"So powerful, so filled with passion. Untamed and torn between two sides. And yet, you managed to do something your grandfather only did on the edge of death." There was a certain hint of pride hidden in his words, "You chose someone else over yourself. You had all the power you ever wanted and yet, yet you decided to give it all up for her."

"You know about that?" Ben felt stupid even asking that question, he already knew the answer to.

"Believe it or not, ghosts have not that much to do. Spying on the living is our only joy. Despite a good party of chess and making bets on your mortal decisions." He winked as he joked.

Ben didn't feel like laughing. There was too much going on inside of his mind.

"I can't tell you how this will end." Luke said seriously again. "I thought the two of you would end up in a final fight and that would decide the fate of the galaxy. I never expected you to fall in love with her." He lived by the Jedi code all of his life, never seeking a relationship or family. He understood why Leia decided against becoming a Jedi, despite the Force being incredible strong within her. She didn't want to miss out and he was looking at the living proof of that. A part of him wondered if he made the right decision.

"She is the only thing I'm certain of. All I want is her happiness." There was a storm inside of him, but he never doubted his love for Rey. He wasn't sure about his place anymore, but he hoped it would be by her side.

"Good. She is almost here."

Ben looked into the sky. Now that Luke pointed it out, he could feel her presence coming closer. Suddenly he felt nervous. They had met in person before, but always under adrenalin, always in a rushed life or death situation, now they would be together, for good as it seemed. What if the Force was responsible for his security in the relationship? What if he wouldn't be able to be the partner she deserved in the real world?

"Luke, I –" When he addressed his Uncle again, Luke was gone, and Ben stood there alone, waiting for her to arrive.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leia massaged her temples, staring at the monitor in front of her. The beeping sound of it was insufferable.

"Anything on their whereabouts, Lieutenant Connix?" She asked.

Connix shook her head. "I'm sorry, General. They must have disabled the tracking system and immediately went into hyperspace."

Leia gently put her hand on the Lieutenant's shoulder and squeezed it. Then she turned around looking at Poe and Rose, who were quietly talking in hushed voices.

She crossed her arms, studying them for a while before she decided to walk towards them. "You two" she pointed at them, "Come with me, now!"

Rose and Poe exchanged a worried look before following Leia out of the room.

The General tipped her fingers against the wall, waiting for them to speak up, like they were children that needed to be scolded. She knew that something was going on and she waited for far too long to be active about it. Now, one of the worst-case scenarios had happened, two of her best people were missing and she had no idea why.

"I'm waiting." Her eyes were fixed on Rose, who she expected to crack faster than Poe.

"We…" Rose stuttered, looking at Poe for reassurance, but he only shrugged unsure about how to proceed. "We have no idea where they are and why they left."

Leia could tell that Rose spoke the truth, yet she wasn't satisfied with the answer. Her eyes shifted to Poe. "But you have a certain suspicion, right?" She raised her eyebrows.

Poe sighed. "Something happened during the Area 5 raid."

"Poe!" Rose hissed.

He gave her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, Rose. I wanted them to get their act together alone, but this is going too far." He turned back to Leia. "Something happened during the raid and they weren't speaking for weeks. He was angry at her, but we don't why. That is the truth."

Leia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Any ideas what might have went down?" She had her own suspicions, more than one, but she wasn't sure what to believe anymore.

"It was…weird…" Rose said hesitantly. "Everything that could have gone wrong…went wrong, yet Rey…" She stopped, she couldn't accuse her friend without any proof.

Poe went with his hand through his hair. "Yet Rey came back with the Kyber Crystal." He finished Rose's sentence. "Look, I don't want to imply anything, but first she wanted to leave when she sensed Kylo Ren's presence and then she disappears after seeing him and he gets away and she has the crystal."

Thinking about her son made Leia's heart hurt. Whenever someone mentioned the new name he had chosen, she had to resist the urge to correct them. She couldn't allow herself any weakness. He was the enemy, there was no way around that. "You think she made a deal?"

Poe looked down. Rose leaned back against the wall, avoiding Leia's gaze.

"Answer me." Leia ordered. She couldn't believe it herself, didn't want to believe it. She had been around Rey often enough to know that she was genuine and good, yet desperation sometimes got the best of people and maybe hers got the best of her. Maybe her need to regain a lightsaber and become a true Jedi led to a moment of weakness, to a deal she was now paying for.

"We don't know." Poe answered. "Maybe he got into her head…maybe it was manipulation, maybe it wasn't. She got herself into trouble, Leia."

He almost never addressed her by her first name, so she knew it was a critical situation. He was worried about his friends and yet he didn't jump on a ship to go after them. He handled the situation with care, not in a typical Poe-fashion.

"Finn probably just went along to make sure she will be okay." Rose said slowly.

"Alright." Leia nodded. She wasn't sure what to believe, but it was the theory she would go with for now, she had no other choice or rather nothing else to go with. "Let's hope we'll locate them soon."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Rey's heart was beating faster. She let Finn handle the landing, afraid she would crash the ship in her excitement. She felt his presence. It was different from their Force connection. He was really there and this time there was no immediate rush to part again. She didn't plan to part from him ever again, if fate would be kind to them.

Her entire body was covered in goosebumps. Soon she would be touching him, kissing him, able to be with him like she had never been before.

"Sit down or grab something." Finn said, "We are about to hit land."

She sat down next to him. She had almost forgotten he was even there. She was eternally thankful for his help, yet it also meant not being alone with Ben for a while.

The ship came to a sudden stop. She sprinted to the doors and jumped out. Ahch-To was as mysterious and beautiful as she remembered. The energy of the Force was all over it. Yet, she didn't care.

He stood there. He really stood there, on the open field, looking at her.

"Ben." She breathed and then she started to run. She ran as fast as her legs allowed it until she came to a sudden stop. Arms wrapped around her, lifting her up. Her body was pressed against his. She could smell him, feel him with every fiber of her being.

"Rey." He whispered her name into her ear and everything else seemed to disappear around her. They were together this time, really together. Her hands went through his hair before gently cupping his cheeks. A few joyful tears were running down her own cheeks. "Hey." She laughed, feeling a little bit silly but it was too good to be true. She was aware of their dire situation, but for a moment she decided to forget about it.

He gave her a small smile, then he leaned down and captured her lips in a deep kiss. It wasn't like their kisses through the Force bond, not even like the few they shared when they last met, it was a whole new feeling yet again.

She pulled him closer and closer as if she couldn't believe he was truly there. Her lips never left his, she was afraid he would disappear as soon as she let go of him.

Her tiny body was trembling in his arms. He still lifted her up. One hand was holding her, the other one was sliding up and down her body. Until this moment he thought he was in control over his mind and body, now everything went blank. She took over all of his senses. He only saw her, smelled her, heard her, tasted her, felt her.

"Guys, could you please like…not do this right now?"

They immediately drifted apart. Ben's head spun around, his hand raised. The Stormtrooper was there. He wasn't sure what to make of it, so his first instinct took over.

Finn grabbed his throat and sank to his knees.

"Stop!" Rey grabbed Ben's hand, he immediately released a coughing Finn. "Ben, he is just here to help." There was no judgement in her voice, just compassion. She understood him so well now, sometimes maybe better than he understood himself.

She went over to Finn to help him back on his feet. "I'm sorry. He didn't mean that." She apologized on Ben's behalf who kept staring at them.

"What is this?" He asked. This wasn't the reunion he had expected.

"Nice to see you, too." Finn said sarcastically. He didn't trust the guy and seeing Rey kiss him like that made him feel uncomfortable. Mind-control, was the word constantly echoing in his mind, yet witnessing them together made him doubt it more and more. He decided to tagalong and stand by her side, so he would try his best to accept her decision and give Kylo Ren the benefit for a doubt. Still, his hand was on the blaster tugged by his side.

"Ben…" She took her hands into his, her voice soft as silk, "We can't do this alone. You know that."

Her big eyes were looking up to him, so warm and beautiful. How could he argue with her? "I'm aware." He said stoically. He was used to be at ease around her, not however around other people. His walls were automatically up again, the protection against the world he carried with him since childhood.

"You got hurt." She softly touched his cheek.

"It's only a scratch." His eyes were fixed on Finn who didn't dare to make a move. He knew that Kylo didn't need his lightsaber, not even his hands to make him suffer. Benefit of a doubt. He told himself, over and over again.

"It could get infected. We need to clean it." She looked back at Finn. "Luke has a small hut here, we can camp out there. Can you get me some fresh water?" She pointed at a small path on their left, "There is a spring not far from here."

Finn gave her a nod and disappeared into the pointed direction. Ben silently followed Rey into Luke's self-made home. Entering it felt weird. There were things he recognized. Clothes mostly, but also a couple of books. He gently touched one of Luke's old robes before abruptly taking his hand back. There was no remorse, there couldn't be. Everything he just told Luke was true and still…yet still the conflict inside of him rose once again and grew stronger every minute he spent on that island.

"It's okay." She said suddenly, pulling him down with her. He sat down in front of her, she squeezed his hands. "You can hate him for what he did and be glad he is gone and yet still miss him."

"That's a paradox." He said.

She laughed lightly. "You are a paradox, Ben Solo." She said gently.

He leaned his forehead against hers. Her presence calmed him down, her warmth surrounded him. It still didn't fully hit him that she was truly there with him. "This place is messing with my head."

"I'm sorry you had to come here." She knew that feeling all too well. When she first visited that planet, it was doing the same to her. Light and Dark pulling and pushing and trying to win her over. She could only imagine how hard it was for him, with all of his raging conflict for so many years. "It was the only place I could think of."

"I can manage." He suddenly felt tired. So, so tired. The weight of his previous fight seemed to crash down on him. "With you, I can manage."

She placed a small kiss on his lips. "I'm not going anywhere."

When he opened his eyes, she was still there. No illusion, no projection from the Force.

"Sorry to interrupt…again." Finn entered the hut. This time he was only greeted by an extensive eye roll instead of a Force choke, which he definitely counted as progress.

Rey took a cloth and started to clean Ben's wound while Finn set up a fire. It was getting cold outside and he didn't plan to freeze on this strange planet.

"You need to be careful, there are a lot of Porgs here." Rey explained. Finn sighed. He only met the Porg family that decided to nest in the Falcon, but that was enough for his taste. "There are also the Lanais, they are caretakers of the planet. Just stay out of their way…" she bit her lower lip, "they kind of hate me."

When she finished cleaning Ben's wound the three of them gathered around the fire place. Finn felt awkward for even being there. He knew the two of them probably had other things in mind for finally being together and there was still the hostility between him and Kylo, but it couldn't be helped.

"How did you escape?" Finn asked carefully.

Ben shot him a glaring look. Something between 'how dare you to address me' and a genuine confusion. He knew how to talk to Rey because he felt an immediate connection when they first met, with Finn however he was unsure. He couldn't let him see his insecurity, so he treated him like the intruder he was.

"Just making conversation." Finn muttered when he didn't get an answer.

Rey put her hand on Ben's knee and gave him a small smile. She understood. The first time she met Finn she wasn't sure how to react either. Like Ben she grew up friendless and lonely, interacting with other people sometimes still felt strange to her and she didn't have to carry the same baggage Ben had.

"I heard you call my name." He said more to Rey than Finn, yet Finn felt like he was part of the conversation.

"I felt that you were in danger." Rey said. "My whole body was reacting to it. So, I called out, hoping the Force would connect us."

"That's true!" Finn almost shouted, "Had to catch her because she felt so dizzy!"

His interruption only earned him another death glare, so he decided to be silent and just listen.

"I don't know how I did it." Ben confessed, he finally started to relax his muscles a bit, they were sore from the fight. "I just knew I had to survive." He reached out his hand, put a strain of hair behind Rey's ear, "For you. For us."

No matter how many intimate gestures Finn witnessed between them, he still couldn't believe what he saw was real and not some bizarre dream he had. He mustered Kylo, or was it Ben? He realized he had no idea what to call him now. There was no mask, no cape even. Black clothes yes, but his hair messier, his face less angry and anxious. If he didn't know this was the same man that almost killed him on the Star Killer Base, the same man he witnessed from afar while still being a Stormtrooper, he hardly believed it himself.

Finn raised his hand. "But there was one of you." He started to count with his fingers. "And like hundreds of them. I mean how…?"

Ben titled his head. A cocky gesture as Finn interpreted it. "Snoke didn't keep me around for nothing." He answered.

"He used you for your power." Finn said absentmindedly, echoing few of Han's last words to his son.

Ben flinched, but decided not to act on his impulse to choke Finn again for his carelessly chosen words. Besides it was the truth, wasn't it? "He is dead now."

"And yet there is still a war…" Finn looked into the fire, slowly coming to terms with the decision he had made by following Rey, by abandoning the resistance. Thoughts of Poe came to his mind and how disappointed he must be in him for leaving. His heart ached thinking about it.

Ben raised an eyebrow and exchanged a look with Rey who just shrugged with a knowing, yet sad smile.

"We should get some sleep." Rey said and snuggled against Ben. He went stiff for a moment, his eyes on Finn. He went between forgetting he was there and relaxing around her and feeling watched and uneasy in every movement he made the entire time. "Relax." She murmured, already half asleep. He softly touched her cheek. How well she read him.

"I'll stand guard." Finn said. "I'll wake one of you when I'm getting too tired."

Ben was about to protest, he didn't trust him enough to sleep around him. He barely slept in his own chambers back in the First Order, had always been on guard and he was not going to change that now, but to his surprise Finn smiled. "You fought about a hundred Stormtroopers and whatever General Hux threw at you today, sleep. You're no good if we're attacked and you collapse because you're tired."

Even if he didn't want to agree with that Stormtrooper, Ben could hardly argue. For the first time in a while he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hux was boiling up inside. His face was red, his voice almost gone. "How is it possible that you lost him?" He hissed at a group of Stormtroopers. "He is one man, you are an entire army!"

They mumbled some second-rate apologies he chose to overhear and left the commando room. This was unbelievable. He finally had his proof that Kylo Ren was a traitor, unmasked him and had every advantage possible to kill him and yet, he managed to get away.

He clenched his fists. This wasn't over. This was far from over. He expected Kylo to meet up with some of the rebel scum to conspire against him. Probably that lowlife scavenger. Wasn't he infatuated with her? Snoke suspected it when Kylo first brought the girl to him and maybe that was true. After all, he killed Snoke instead of the girl.

"Pathetic." Hux whispered to himself. Kylo might have been an asset to Snoke because of his undeniable power, but inside he was nothing more than a child craving for attention. He chose his ridiculous quest for love over the power that fell so easily into his hands. Hux wouldn't make the same mistake. He wouldn't fall victim to emotions nor would he underestimate his enemies.

"Lieutenant Thora" He waved his new second in command to his side.

"Yes General…uh Supreme Leader Hux?" He corrected his mistake. Hux was no Kylo Ren who could choke him with the sheer power of his mind, yet there was something strangely intimidating about him and his new position.

Hux smirked. He enjoyed his new title immensely. "I hereby invoke Protocol 18514."

Lieutenant Thora blinked. "Sir? I don't think I know that protocol." He gulped.

Hux gave him a smile that the Lieutenant could only describe as creepy. Ever since Kylo Ren left and Hux crowned himself new Supreme Leader, there was something unsettling about him.

"Just pass the order on. You will see."

Kylo Ren was no Luke Skywalker. He would find him with all the resources the First Order had to offer and if he had to burn down the entire galaxy to do so.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben woke up, startled but not sweaty from yet another nightmare. For the first time since he could remember, he slept peacefully. He got up. He was alone in the hut.

He looked around, wondering where Rey was when something caught his attention. It was like a feeling, like something pulling his strings all of sudden. He went to a pile of Luke's old robes and carefully lifted them up. He had no idea what he was doing, just that there was something beneath them. And then he saw it, immediately recognizing the weapon that once had almost killed him.

Her jerked back, like one wrong move and it would activate itself and attack him all on its own. His eyes kept focused. He reached out his hand, it was shaking, yet he felt that pull again. In a blink of an eye the lightsaber was in his hand.

He considered activating it, but the memory of its green light was still too vivid in his memory. It was the beginning of the end for him. For Luke. For everything.

"Bastard." He muttered under his breath. He was sure his uncle was watching him from wherever he was right now, probably sharing a good laugh with some other fallen Jedi on his behalf. "I won't use it." He felt silly talking to himself like that. "You can forget about that."

The lightsaber felt so easy in his hands, like a perfect fit. Not torn apart between two sides like the blue one that split or heavy under the burden of blood and death like his red one, no it was almost a feeling of salvation holding it. But that couldn't be right, could it? The weapon that was meant to kill him should now become his weapon to carve a new path? It was ridiculous yet oddly poetic, like he always imagined the Jedi from days gone by.

A noise from outside suddenly caught his attention. He tugged the lightsaber away and followed it.

There she was, in the dimming light of that odd, stormy island, hitting rocks with her new purple lightsaber with moves he could only call elegant and graceful.

He crossed his arms and leaned against the door. She moved smoothly and fast, her hair waving in the wind, every hit calculated, breath controlled and eyes steady.

A sense of pride overcame him. She briefly trained with Luke and with him through the bond, but she never needed any help. Being a Jedi came naturally to her. Her strength never failed to astonish him.

She stopped when she noticed him and put her weapon away. "Like what you see?" She said with a tone she rarely used on him. Low, flirtatious and quite seductive.

How he craved to touch her, to kiss every part of her body and finally make love to her for real.

"You know the answer."

She giggled and swung her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her to kiss her.

"Where is the Stormtrooper?" He asked between kisses.

She pulled away. "His name is Finn."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine. Where is Finn?"

She smiled triumphantly. "Looking for something to eat." And with something she meant definitely no Porgs. "I didn't really have time to pack proviant. And I doubt you did either."

He shrugged. "I was busy." He leaned down to kiss her again. "You let me sleep."

She carefully examined the wound she patched up the night before. "You needed it and you looked so peaceful."

He welcomed her touch. The energy of the island was surrounding them once again. "Rey?"

"Yes?"

He hesitated. "Can you show me the cave you told me about?"

She was surprised by his request. She remembered jumping down into that dark hole, following the call of the darkness, looking for her parents but finding nothing than a reflection of herself. She shuddered. Though what followed was her first touch through the Force with Ben. Despite the hurt and heartache that came afterwards, she would never forget that moment at the fireplace. She still believed in that future she had seen there, only now it took a slightly different shape.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

He hesitated again before answering. "No." he confessed. "But the Force is pushing me, and I don't think it will stop until I confront what's down there for me." He understood what he had to do, though it scared him. Judging by the look in her eyes, it scared her as well. "I'll be fine." He said, knowing she didn't believe him, because he didn't believe himself either.

"Follow me." She took his hand and they made their way to the dark cave she vowed never to return to. She didn't say it out loud, but she had a terrible feeling in her stomach. He may had to confront his fears down there like she did before, but the darkness that was hiding inside of him was much stronger than hers had ever been. She was afraid it would destroy him and that this time she couldn't use their connection to save him.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, you awesome people! Thanks for bein patient with me! Thank you so much for all your support, this one will be a big Chapter for Ben and Reylo, hope you enjoy it. As always, reviews are very welcome ;)

**Chapter Six**

_When you say you love me_

_The World goes still, so still inside and_

_When you say you love me_

_For a moment, there's no one else alive_

_When you say you love me_

_Do you know how I love you?_

\- When You Say You Love Me, Josh Groban

They stood directly over the cave. She still felt its alluring energy, the call from deep within. She shuddered thinking about her experience down there. The mirrors, her revelation, to learn and accept the truth. She was afraid for him to go down there. Her own darkness and fear scared her more than she ever truly admitted even to herself, but what was raging deep within him was worse. She was afraid that what he would find could tear him apart.

She squeezed his hand as hard as she could, she wasn't ready to let him go just yet.

"Rey." He said quietly, "I have to do this. This feeling that I carry around will never go away if I don't face it."

He was reasonable. He made sense. Still, she wished she could go down with him, help him carry the weight on his shoulders. But how was that saying? Some paths you have to walk alone.

"Just be careful."

He kissed her forehead. "I'll try." He didn't make any promises or tried to reassure her and that made her feel even more uneasy. He knew that it was dangerous to confront the darkness waiting for him. Her demons were terrifying, his menacing and destructive.

She watched him jump down into the same cold hole she did before, yet him going scared her more than when she had to face it herself.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leia didn't want to fall asleep, but eventually her body told her differently. After spending a day without a break looking at radars and trying to figure out what happened to Rey and Finn, she eventually gave in and let Poe take over the commando and finally take a break.

Her dreams didn't take her to Naboo this time. Instead she found herself in a forest, reminiscent of the one she knew from Endor, from all those years ago. It seemed like a lifetime ago to her, when she visited that place.

She was standing at a crossroad, the little girl from her previous dream at her left side. This time she was joined by a boy. Jet-black hair, pale skin, intelligent eyes. He was standing to her right.

"Do I have to choose a path?" Leia asked.

The little girl shrugged. "Don't we all?" She asked back. "Light side. Dark side." She pointed into both directions, they didn't seem different at all to Leia. "What does it even mean?"

Leia asked herself that question ever since that talk she had with her brother. Was there a real line anymore? Didn't they all cross lines to get what they want in the past? Was destroying darkness really the only way to achieve balance or was that a lie they told themselves?

"Can light exist without dark?" The boy said. "Can dark exist without light?"

"I don't know." Leia answered. She studied the children. There was something oddly familiar about them, even though she couldn't place them anywhere. "Are you from the past? The future? A manifestation of the Force?"

The children looked at one another.

"Maybe all of it." The girl said unsure. "We are an echo of what could have been."

"We are also a way it can speak to you." The boy added.

The girl then smiled at her. "But we are also a potential still uncovered."

Leia tried to understand, but their answers only confused her more.

The boy seemed to sense her confusion. He stepped in front of her. His eyes so familiar. She had seen those eyes before. "The Force can show you past and future. The past doesn't change, the future however is always in motion." He reached out his hand and the little girl took it. "We are here now, but we are not certain."

It was like her mind started to play tricks on her. For a moment the children stood in front of her as if they were real, flesh and blood, and the next second they were almost transparent, more ghost than reality.

"Is it my decision? Will my decision determine if you live or not?" She asked with panic in her voice. She had no idea who they were, yet something inside of her reacted so strongly to them that she felt the need to protect them from any harm.

"You." The girl said, "Them. Everything. Decisions of one are only part of a chain reaction."

"Who are them?" Leia asked, "What is this all about?"

Suddenly her eyes flung open. She looked around, sweaty and confused.

"General?"

Poe was standing in front of her. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you." He apologized, "But one of our allies send us latest information. They are…quite different than what I expected."

Leia sat up and reached for a glass of water on her nightstand. "I'll join you in a second." She said, trying to catch her breath. She didn't blame Poe for waking her up, yet she wanted to continue that odd conversation with the children. She was missing something obvious, something Luke tried to make her see and something the children hinted at, yet she wasn't sure what she was looking for.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben landed on a wet, slippery ground. It was dark, he couldn't see a thing. He just felt it. The Force, the dark side, it was all around him. He tried to keep his breath steady, to show no fear, but who was he kidding?

"An afraid child." A voice hissed into his ear. "So much potential, so wasted. Weak and pathetic."

He activated his lightsaber and turned around, looking into Snoke's cruel eyes. "You are not real." Ben said, "You are only fragment of my imagination."

"Is that so?" Snoke smiled viciously. He ignored the lightsaber and walked around Ben, cornering him. "Even if I just exist inside of your mind, to you I'm real." He spat, "I will always be a part of you."

Ben took a step backwards. "I killed you. You have no power over me anymore." His voice was shaking, he wasn't sure if he was talking to the Snoke inside of his head, himself or the Force.

Snoke laughed out loud. It was shrill, terrifying sound. "I will always have power over you. You are mine. Your pathetic quest for freedom will fail and in the end, you'll come back to me!"

"No!" Ben yelled out, slicing through Snoke with his lightsaber.

Snoke just stood there, unimpressed and unhurt. "Trying to kill me again?" He mocked Ben, "So much rage, still. So empty, so alone, so full of hatred."

"Get out of my head." Ben growled. He wanted to tell Snoke he wasn't alone anymore, that he wasn't empty and that love was now where hatred once was, but the words were stuck inside his throat. Even though he consciously knew that his former master was not there, a part of him wondered if he still lived inside of him. Even if it was just a memory, a little piece of him and his methods remained. Maybe he was right, maybe he would never be fully free of him. "No." Ben said again, this time to himself. "You are a monster!"

"And what are you then?" Snoke asked. "You tortured them. You terrorized them. You killed them." He was amused now, Ben could hear it in his voice. That sadistic bastard was playing with him even in death. "How can you ever be free of me?" It was like Snoke was growing in front of him, a larger than life figure. "I created you, Kylo Ren!" His voice boomed through the cave and was echoing back a million times.

Ben channeled the Force and tried to push Snoke back, not realizing he was just smashing rocks around him. "That is not who I am!" He yelled back.

Suddenly Snoke disappeared and for a moment everything fell silent.

"Then who are you?" A voice next to Ben said.

Ben closed this his. "Please don't…" He whispered. He would recognize that voice everywhere. He couldn't deal with him. With everything but him. That was too painful, too much and he brought it on himself.

"Are you Ben Solo?" The voice asked. "Do you think you deserve that name after what you did to me?"

Ben turned his eyes to him. His father looked like he remembered him. Rough on the edges, scruffy, silver hair and a grim expression on his face. But there was something else now, a wound inflicted by a lightsaber.

"You did this to me." Han said, grabbing Ben's shoulders. It felt so real, too real. "You murdered me!" Han yelled.

Ben pushed him away and stumbled backwards. "I thought I had to…" He sobbed. "I thought it would free me, but it only made it worse. Light and Dark and puling at me, they tear me apart, I…I can't take it anymore."

Han looked at him with no emotions in his eyes. "You killed your own father and yet you hope that you will get your freedom, that you will be rewarded with love."

"I'm so sorry." Ben said, now he grabbed Han's shoulders. "I wish I could undo what I have done."

"You broke my heart." Leia appeared next to Han. "Because of you the man I love is gone, because of you I lost my brother."

"Mother…" Ben turned to her. Next to Leia more people appeared. Young Jedi that died at Luke's temple, people he assassinated in the name of the First Order. They were all looking at him, pointing their fingers, whispering one word "Murderer."

"I'm sorry." Ben said again and again, slowly losing his mind. Then he saw her, standing in front of him. "Rey? What are you doing here? You shouldn't be down here."

"Kylo Ren." She spoke harshly.

"What?" He didn't understand. She wouldn't use that name, not since they first bonded. Even when she was still hurt by his betrayal, she called him Ben. "Rey, what is going on?"

"Do you expect me to live with what you have done? How I am supposed to find happiness with you? You will always be a monster."

He tried to tell himself that what he was seeing wasn't real, but did that mean it wasn't the truth? He did kill those people, he was the reason she was in danger now, how could he ever expect her to forgive him for everything he had done?

"I had a home." Rey said, "But I left it and for what? To be on the run again? Sooner or later you will betray me again." Then she walked back and chanted with the rest of them. "Murderer. Murderer."

He sunk on his knees. "Stop it."

"I am the only one who will always be by your side, my apprentice." Snoke was back, offering him his hand. "Only with my help will you truly fulfill your destiny. Stop running from that"

Ben covered his ears with his hands. "Get out of my head. Get out of my head. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" He rammed his fists into the ground and the earth started to shake.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The weather was getting worse. Finn found the little hut alone when he returned. He assumed Rey and Kylo were training somewhere or exploring the island, but it was getting late and he started to worry.

He wasn't exactly sure what worried him. The fact that she was alone with him, that they were missing or that they were still out there.

It was stormy, rain started to fall harder and harder and he could hear the thunder coming closer.

He grabbed one of Luke's old coats to shield himself and started to look for them. "Rey!" He shouted. "Rey, where are you?"

After a while he found her. She was alone, standing in front of a huge hole in the ground. The wind was almost too strong now. He could barely stand and hardly see.

"What are you doing here?"

She needed a moment to understand him. "Ben is down there." She pointed at the hole.

Finn took his coat off and wrapped it around her. She was cold and wet and pale. "What is he doing there?" He tried to be louder than the storm, with hardly any luck. It was getting darker, the rain hurt his face.

"He is facing his fears!" She shouted back. Then she started to explain her own experience with the cave.

"Don't take that the wrong way," Finn said hesitantly, "But his darkness is way…darker than yours. Who knows what he finds there?" He moved closer, putting an arm around Rey afraid she would be blown away. He looked up. The only light he managed to see was the lightning over the sea.

"I know." Rey said, "And I'm worried." He was longer down there than she was and she felt something wasn't right. He was in deep pain, she never felt anything like that before.

The earth under them started to shake. "What is this?" Finn yelled, trying to steady them. "An earthquake?"

Rey shivered. She looked down into the cave. "Finn, I don't think this is an earthquake." She looked up. "I also don't think this is a storm."

Finn eyed her with confusion. Then he started to understand, even though he wished he wouldn't. He wasn't a Jedi, couldn't feel what she felt and whatever the Force was its presence sometimes still confused him, but he had been around her and Leia for long enough to understand when something was up. "You don't mean…?"

She nodded. "I think he is doing it. And I don't think he is aware of it." She hung on to Finn's arm.

Finn followed her gaze down that deep, dark hole. How could one person be so powerful that he was capable of literally creating a storm? If Kylo Ren didn't scare him before, he surely did now. Was Rey capable of something like that too? He didn't want to imagine that.

The earth spilt in front of them. Rey could barely hang on, Finn stumbled on his feet. "Whatever is going on down there, it has to stop!" He yelled. "He will tear this whole island apart!"

Rey tried to see something inside the darkness, but there was nothing. She closed her eyes and reached out to him differently. "I see something." She described to Finn, who stared at her in astonishment. "He is in pain. He is screaming. It feels like a knife twisted inside of his heart, whatever battle he is fighting he is losing it, I –" her eyes snapped open. She fell down and took a deep breath.

"Rey!" Finn pulled her up again. "What happened?"

Tears were running down her cheeks. She had to cut the connection, she couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't see what he was seeing, but she felt everything he had been going through. "It hurts." She whimpered.

Finn slowly pulled her into his arms, not sure what to do.

"So much pain, so much anger, so much guilt." For the first time she truly grasped what was going on inside of Ben. She always felt the conflicted, but now she experienced it. She understood that even if he let her in, he always kept that deep pain hidden away from her, not wanting her to feel its intensity, but now he had no idea she was trying to get inside of his mind. "It's like dark and light are literally fighting and endless battle, but there cannot be a winner. There can never be a winner." She didn't tell Finn, but one clear image she had seen. Two Bens, one dressed as Kylo Ren with his mask and red lightsaber and one Ben in traditional Jedi robes with a blue lightsaber, clashing constantly in an eternal fight to the death. Two parts of the same person, two different paths fighting and destroying him from the inside.

She dried her tears. "I have to go and get him." Determination in her voice.

Finn's eyes widened. "Are you insane?" It was funny to him even asking that question regarding to how his last 48 hours looked like, still he wondered if the cave started to mess with her as well.

"He uses so much energy it will kill him." She said with a now fierce expression on her face. Gone was the fear, she had to be strong for both of them now. "And he will take this planet down with him. I have to help him." She gave Finn one last glance before jumping down that dreadful hole again.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leia listened to Poe's words, but the more he told her the further everything seemed to go away. She felt light years away from her own body. She couldn't process what was going on or place what she was hearing.

"General, are you listening?" Poe asked concerned.

Leia gave him a quick nod, before walking to one of the windows and looking outside. Space was calm, silent and peaceful.

"General, what should we do now?" Poe asked.

Leia waved her hand, signaling him to be silent. She needed a moment to think. One of their allies contacted Poe, he overheard some First Order Stormtroopers and found out that currently they weren't looking for the resistance but for Kylo Ren instead who killed a bunch of his own men and then disappeared.

It made no sense. Leia figured that they found out he killed Snoke, but she couldn't understand why that turned him into a fugitive. Wasn't he powerful enough to bend them to their will? Didn't he prove his strength by murdering Snoke? Why flee when you could secure your position of power once and for all? She didn't understand. Ben had always been hard to predict, even as a child and now, now she questioned who he even was. She hadn't seen him in years and, yet all eyes were on her now, waiting for him to explain that irrational behavior.

"For now, that doesn't change anything." She said, because what else was there to say?

"But the First Order is in chaos now." Poe threw in. "Maybe if we strike now –"

"And then what?" Leia asked sharply. "We have not enough men to win in a fight. No, our priority has not changed. Finding Finn and Rey comes first."

How did those two fit into all of this? Leia was certain it was no coincidence they vanished the same time her son did and she was sure Poe was aware of that as well. But what was the overall game that was played here? Did he somehow manipulate Rey to help him? Did they find out what happened before anyone else and went after him alone? She hated that feeling of not knowing what was going on. Uncertainty was slowly driving her insane.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The ground was unsteady. The earthquake-like shaking was getting worse. Rey could barely stand up.

"Ben!" She shouted, but got no answer. It was so dark, but she feared igniting her lightsaber would only cause damage. If she accidentally sliced something the whole place could collapse. Or worse, the cave would play its tricks on him and he would mistake her for an enemy.

"Stop it. I will not follow you again." She heard Ben's voice. So much pain, it tore her heart apart.

"Ben…" She walked towards him. He was kneeling on the ground, lost in his own mind. She had been right, he wasn't even aware that his uncontrolled energy was tearing the whole place down. "Ben, it's me. It's Rey." She kneed down in front of him, but he didn't react.

"Monster. Murderer." He muttered.

She gulped. She knew what she had to do, but she was afraid what she would see. "Come back to me." She whispered and cupped his face. Her surroundings spun around for a moment, making her feel dizzy, before it came to a sudden halt. The Force did exactly what she expected it to do, by touching him it allowed her to enter his vision and what she saw was terrible.

There were no fighting Bens anymore that was only the Force showing her the struggle deep within, what he was trapped in was torture. She went through her own personal hell when she was trapped in that endless corridor of mirrors. Facing the fact that she had always known the truth about her parents was probably the hardest thing she ever had to do, but finally acknowledging it also brought her peace and clarity. She wasn't so sure the cave was doing the same for Ben.

There so many people. Few of them she recognized. There were Han and Leia and a version of herself calling him a monster and murderer and behind him there was Snoke, reaching out to him, pulling him back into the darkness.

"Ben! It's me, the real me." She tried to pull him up, but he was unresponsive.

"Let go of the light. Let go of false hope. You can achieve what Vader never did." Snoke was speaking to him, poisoning his mind once again. "Kill your past. Kill everything that is holding you back. Your purpose is to be my weapon." He hissed.

Rey wasn't sure if the Snoke she was seeing was aware of her presence, but she didn't care. "You, shut up!" She yelled. "You abused him long enough, leave him alone!"

Snoke looked at her. "How did you manage to come here?" He sneered.

Her heart skipped beat. If he was aware of her did that mean the Force was playing its tricks on her now as well for interfering or was that truly a leftover of the real Snoke, somehow trapped in the land of the living?

"Ah, you wonder if I'm real." He stated amused. "I am real for him and now for you, that is all that matters."

"You don't scare me." She said.

"And you don't concern me." He shot right back at her before giving all his attention back to Ben. "He will serve me again."

Ben breathed heavily. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doing." He mumbled. "It's too much…too much…I can't take it anymore."

"Let go of it, Kylo Ren." Snoke whispered. "You are mine."

"No." Rey said, "Ben Solo is stronger than you." She raised her lightsaber, jumping at Snoke but it went right through him.

"You can't kill what's already been dead. And he –" Snoke pointed at Ben, "Will either break or exhaust himself so much that he can join Luke Skywalker in the great beyond."

Rey put her lightsaber away. She needed to do something, somehow get Ben out of his trance. She turned away, instead of Snoke facing everyone else who was speaking to him, then she kneed down in front of Ben again, slowly bringing his face up to hers. She leaned her forehead against his.

"What are you doing, girl? Sentiment?"

She ignored Snoke. She didn't care if he was there or not. She was pretty sure whatever he was he couldn't hurt her or he would have already done it. "Show me. Show me the beginning." She whispered and the world started to spin again.

There was darkness and a noise. "Hello?" She asked, slowly moving forward. "Is someone here?" The noise came closer, it sounded like someone was crying.

Rey found a little boy, sitting there alone, sobbing by himself. "Ben?" She immediately recognized him. That boy was the child Ben Solo had been once upon a time.

"They always leave me." He cried. "No one listens. Only that voice…only that voice listens, but he scares me."

She had been aware that Snoke must have gotten into his mind from a very young age, but seeing this innocent child so lonely and scared triggered something else inside of her. She briefly saw herself, all alone on Jakku and wondering what she did wrong and where her parents were.

"Ben…" she sat down beside him. That frightened little boy was an easy target for someone like Snoke. He had always felt alone. His father off to a new adventure, his mother saving the Galaxy and his Uncle afraid of the power that was growing inside of him.

"Who are you?" He looked curiously at her, his eyes red and puffy.

She softly went through his hair. Of course, this version of Ben didn't recognize her. This Ben was buried so deep in his subconsciousness he wasn't even aware another reality existed.

"Someone who loves you." She answered.

"But I don't know you." There it was, that skeptical look in his eyes, that curiosity behind the pain, that intelligence and wonder she recognized.

She smiled. "Not yet. Ben, I need you to know something." She tried to find the right words, but only the ones he would tell her years later came to her mind. "You are not alone."

"But I am!" He argued.

"No." She said calmly. "And you never will be. I promise you that."

He stared at her with an odd expression, then he raised his little finger. "Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise." She said and harked her finger with his. "Ben, whatever that scary man is telling you, he is wrong. You are not evil, you are not a monster."

He started to shake. "But they always leave me alone! He says they are scared, because of what I can do…he wants me to join him…"

"You are much stronger than him, Ben." She got up and reached out her hand. "Let's show him together."

"But what about him? He doesn't leave me alone." So much desperation in his tiny voice. She never hated anything in her life as much as she hated Snoke and if that hatred meant there was darkness inside of her, so be it.

"Tell him to go to hell." She said coldly.

Ben took her hand and suddenly she was back with Snoke again, back with his victims, back with the adult him. This time however he was looking directly into her eyes.

"Rey." He breathed her name.

Relief washed over her. He recognized her. "You need to wake up from this." She pleaded with him. "None of this real." She said it even though she wasn't entirely sure herself anymore about what was reality and what wasn't. "You're tearing the whole island down."

"What?" He asked confused.

"Kill her!" Snoke's voice was back, threatening and cruel. "Don't listen to her. She will leave you, just as everybody always leaves you. You are not worthy of love, you don't need it. Kill her, rid yourself of that sentiment."

Ben got up, he took one last, grief-stricken look at his father before facing Snoke. Rey looked at Han and Leia and all of the other people, they slowly faded away right before her eyes.

"You have no power over me." Ben said. "I know what I did. I know the terrible acts I committed and I will pay for it. I don't know how, but when punishment comes, I won't run away." He ignited his lightsaber. "I've been running away for far too long. I won't blame all my actions on you." He was not going to choose an easy way out of this situation. This place had called out to him for a reason and he was finally listening to what it truly had to say. Like Rey needed to be confronted with the truth, so did he. "But I won't let you control my life anymore. You are right, there will always be darkness inside of me, but there is light as well." He briefly looked at Rey. "And my destiny is for me to decide." He sliced through a stunned Snoke again, who fell down this time, cut in two halves like he had been back in his throne room.

Snoke grinned, even in his second death. "Always…be…a…of…" he coughed before he disappeared again.

Ben put the lightsaber away. In front of him the two versions of himself Rey had seen before materialized. They clashed their lightsabers, punched and kicked and no one was coming out on top.

"ENOUGH!" He shouted and stepped between them. Rey watched the entire scene unfold in front of her, as always, his actions were unpredictable, but she trusted him to make the right decision.

His two other halves looked at him, not speaking a word. Ben studied them. The mask man he chose to be. Heir to Vader. A Knight of Ren. Servant to Snoke. And then there was the other one. Light Jedi robes. The blue lightsaber that once belonged to him. Hopeful eyes, naïve even. He was the person he could have been had he chosen a different path. A trained Jedi under Luke Skywalker. Son of Han Solo and Leia Organa. Part of a legacy.

"I'm neither of you." He said. "And I don't want to be." His voice was soft, filled with melancholy. This was it, the moment to let everything go. He once told Rey the past needed to die, yet was the one unwilling to let it happen. He understood now what truly needed to happen. He could still honor parts of his past, but he himself had to let go of the struggle inside of him if he ever wanted a chance of a real future. "I choose darkness." He took Kylo Ren's hand. "And I choose light." He took Ben Solo's. "This is the man I want to be. Both parts are strong within me and I choose to accept them. You can stop fighting now."

And right before his eyes, Kylo Ren and Ben Solo vanished into thin air and for the first time since he could remember he felt truly at peace. It felt like some invisible chain had been lifted. He closed his eyes and when he opened them, he was just in a cave with Rey by his side.

"It's over." He said. "I think it's over."

"Ben…" She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him deeply. The earth had stopped moving, everything was back to normal. "We need to get back up."  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When they emerged from the cave Finn was sitting close by, wet and with a tormented expression on his face but healthy. The thunder was gone and the rain had stopped.

"Never do that again." Finn said to Ben. "That was… that was scary."

Ben raised an eyebrow. He still hadn't realized what exactly had happened while he was down there but looking at the damage the storm had done, he got an idea.

"We should get back, you need to rest." Rey told Ben. He pressed his lip against her temple, still not saying a word.

"You know what…" Finn started. "That hut smells weird. It's also not that big and as much fun as it was to cuddle up to you two, I rather stay on the ship. Need to check the damage Hurricane Ren here did anyways."

Ben glared at him. Finn automatically reached for his throat. "Please don't kill me."

"That sounds like a plan." Rey said, gently pulling Ben away. She mouthed a silent 'thank you' to Finn and was glad he understood that they needed time to progress their experience from the cave.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rey slipped out of her wet clothes, only leaving her underwear on and slipping under a blanket. She helped Ben out off his shirt and put it near the fireplace to dry. She didn't dare to say a word. What he just had been through was yet another traumatic experience, even if he came out on top this time and she would give him all the time he needed to speak up about it.

"You are so strong." He suddenly said, surprising her. "You managed to go through this alone, I was nothing more but a scared child."

"Ben…" she took his hand. "I was never alone. I think a part of you was down there with me as well." She assured him, because she truly believed it. Ever since they first bonded, she constantly felt his presence and it helped her to come to terms with her own fears and darkness as well. Not only he had chosen to embrace both sides inside of him, she made that decision as well. "You don't have to go through this alone. I'm here, I'm with you. Sharing your pain and accepting help doesn't mean you're weak, it makes you strong."

He pulled is hand away and got up. His eyes were fixed on the fireplace. "How did you get me out? I was captured so deep within my own mind and suddenly you were there."

Her heart sunk a bit. He had no memory of her talking to child Ben, so he didn't know she confessed her love for him. It was something on her mind ever since they left that cave. She told him she loved him. It was a heat of the moment decision and it helped her get through to him only to know realize that the adult Ben had no idea.

"I just talked to you." She said quickly, hoping she wasn't blushing.

He turned back to her. "It wasn't wrong." He said in a tone she couldn't read. "I did kill those people. I did commit all those sins. I accept my guilt and will await whatever punishment is waiting for me in the future, but that shouldn't be your future."

"What?" Now she got up, scared of what he was saying.

"Even if we make it out of here alive…" His voice was trembling, saying those words hurt him and he knew they would hurt her just as much. "What life would you have with me? I might be imprisoned or executed or at least an outsider for the rest of my life, but you…" he looked at her. Her beautiful and kind eyes, those soft lips he loved so much. "You deserve to be happy, to be surrounded by friends, family. You deserve better than to be chained to someone like me."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. After everything she had just witnessed, the decision to accept himself he just made that was what was still dragging him down?

"Ben Solo, shut up!" She walked closer to him, until she stood right in front of him. "Now you listen to me. I decide what I deserve. And yes, I deserve happiness and I deserve to be with my friends, but I also choose whom I want to be with and that is you. I know what you have done and I believe…" she softly touched his cheek, caressing the scar she was responsible for. "I believe that you still can do so much good. Not punishment Ben, but redemption."

He couldn't believe her, after everything she had learned about him, seeing and feeling the darkness inside of him and hearing him openly chose to accept it she still wanted him. "There will always be darkness inside of me."

"There is darkness in everyone. There is darkness in me, there was darkness in Luke." She said, "But it is on us to accept it and make it part of the whole. Isn't that what balance is about?"

He leaned his forehead against hers, breathing in every word she said. "I just don't want to hurt you." His voice was so quiet, she almost didn't hear him.

She looked up and smiled at him. "Ben, I choose to be with you." She bit her lip. It shouldn't have been so hard to get those words out, she was sure he felt the same way about her, still she had never said them to anyone. "I love you, Ben."

Everything went quiet around him. The world disappeared and the only thing he could see was her. It was like the first time they connected through the Force, only they existed, the rest of the world was just gone. He knew what she felt, but hearing her say those words made it real. He didn't know how he deserved her, if he deserved her, didn't know if they were part of some greater destiny or not, but that didn't matter. Not anymore. What mattered was that she loved him. Him. She accepted him, all of him and he never felt happiness like this before in his entire life.

"Can you…can you say that again? Please?" He needed to hear it one more time to make sure it was true.

She giggled. "I love you, Ben. I love you, with all my heart."

He leaned down and kissed her. First slowly, tenderly with all the love he got. Then his hands went over her back, wrapping around her hips pulling her closer.

When they parted to catch their breathes. he looked into her eyes. "I love you, Rey." He said in his deep, soothing voice. "More than I could ever put into words."

A tear ran down her cheek. She knew what it meant to him to hear those words after feeling unloved for so long, but she wasn't sure he even understood what it also meant to her. The lonely child, left on a terrifying planet, alone for years and feeling unwanted and now he was there, wanting her, loving her.

"I always wished my life would have gone differently." She said as she dropped her blanket, "Now, I don't. Every hardship I faced led me right to this moment and to you."

His lips crashed down on hers again, passionate this time, hungry and the want for more. His lips travelled down her body. Capturing her cheeks, neck, collarbone. She placed soft kisses on shoulders, chest and stomach. She started to unbuckle his pants and pulling them down.

They sunk down on the floor, kneeing in front of each other. His eyes searched hers, asking silently for permission to continue. They had been together before, but this was different. There was no connection through the Force, just them.

She went with her hands through his hair, starting to kiss his neck as he laid her down on the blanket. He slowly unclasped her bra, letting it drop on the ground. He softly touched her breasts, carefully started to massage and kiss them, not wanting to hurt her.

She moaned his name under her breath as his hand travelled down her body, pulling the last piece of clothing left. He touched the sweet spot between her legs, making her see stars.

Her hands wandered over his back as he started to kiss down her body, carefully caressing every scar on his. She reached for his underpants, pulling them down, touching him for real for the first time.

He moaned her name as he put himself into position. He kissed her lips. "I love you." He said again.

She smiled. "I love you." She said back when he slowly entered her. She moaned louder, finding a rhythm with him.

Their bodies connected, so did their hearts and souls. There was no First Order, no Resistance, not even the rest of the galaxy anymore. Only they seemed to exist in their own little world and for this one night only that mattered.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update, but you know, life sometimes. Anyways, thank you so much for your kind support, I hope you will enjoy this chapter. Starting to work on my own little trio dynamic now, that I personally would have loved to see on screen. As always, reviews are very welcome.

**Chapter Seven**

_Hey, I feel it coming on_

_Starting like a fire_

_Tonight you lit the flame_

_Now everything will change_

Everything Will Change, Gavin DeGraw

Hux did not sleep since Kylo made his great escape. His eyes were swollen, hurting like hell but he kept them open. He knew he was doubted within the First Order, he wasn't the natural choice to lead them after Snoke's death, not like Kylo had been. He knew they were talking behind his back, made fun of him for losing out against his rival yet again, but he would show them. Oh, he would show them all.

"General…" his right-hand man Lieutenant Thora started, before correcting himself, "Supreme Leader Hux. Some of our men spotted a weird distress signal from a small planet we never payed attention to before. It was activated and immediately shut down again. It wasn't one of our ships, but it could be the Resistance."

Hux massaged his temples, weighing in if he deemed that information worthy enough of his attention. He ordered his men to focus all their energy on finding Kylo Ren not the Resistance, still finding them and destroying meant accomplishing something neither Kylo nor Snoke had ultimately managed to do and maybe that traitor was with them after all.

"Send some Stormtroopers there, Lieutenant." He ordered, "Maybe we will find something interesting."

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Ben woke up to a sleeping Rey still wrapped in his arms. He smiled at her sleeping form, putting a soft kiss on her bare shoulder. He still couldn't believe that she was real, that she was really there with him. The previous night had been a turning point for him and their relationship. He finally started to break free from the chains that held him back since he was a child, he felt that he slowly started to learn to accept both sides of him and she was with him every step of that difficult way. Their relationship had mostly been formed through their Force bond, but now they took it into the real world, and it was more than he ever hoped it would be. He never felt this secure around another person and he swore to himself, so fate allow it, he would spend the rest of his life trying to make her as happy as humanly possible.

He slowly got up, not wanting to wake her up and put his clothes loosely on. He left the small hut and stepped outside, breathing in the stormy sea air.

The damage of the storm was written all over the island. Trees were knocked over, rocks lay everywhere and the earth was split at some parts. He went with his hand through his hair, trying to process that it was him who caused it. He still didn't understand how. He never experienced something like it before. He figured it had something to do with the Force and its connection with this place, but it made him uneasy. He couldn't lose control like this again.

He glanced over his shoulder to the hut, feeling the need to make sure she was safe before walking to the meadow where her ship was. When it came into sight he gulped. A huge rock was crashed into the front, damaging the windshield.

The Stormtrooper sat in front of it, cooking something that looked like a fish over an open fire. When he noticed Ben, he gave him a hesitant look.

"Wanna take care of that?" He pointed at the rock without looking at it.

Ben said nothing, instead he raised his hand and concentrated on the rock. He was surprised how different his connection to the Force felt after his experience in the cave. Lifting the rock was easier than he expected. All of sudden he felt a unison between him and that strange, invisible power he had never felt before.

"Thanks." Finn muttered. "Hope you're better today."

Ben grunted and sat down opposite of him. It was the first time they were together without Rey in-between to manage their uncomfortable hostility. If Ben was being honest with himself, he had no idea how to interact with him. He wasn't used to interacting with people that were neither enemies or First Order soldiers serving under him. Rey was the only exception currently in his life.

Finn chewed at his breakfast. It wasn't as terrible as some of the stuff he used to eat at the Resistance, but it was far from good. He eyed Ben with curiosity. He only grasped a bit of what had happened to him down in that creepy hole, but he could definitely tell something was different. His eyes were clearer somehow, less troubled. He looked at his clothes. Barely tugged on. His hair a mess. Finn tried to shake the images that came into his mind, he wasn't naïve, he understood what happened during the night. They sealed their relationship, gave into their feelings without any bond connecting them. This time they decided to be together for real.

"You still wonder if I'm manipulating her." Ben said suddenly.

Finn's eyes widened. He kept himself from asking Ben how he knew that, it would only make him look like a fool. Instead he looked away, trying to avoid eye contact. With no Rey there to mediate he was still somewhat afraid of him.

"You'd be a fool to not be suspicious." Ben continued.

That statement however surprised Finn. He didn't seem mad, he sounded almost approving.

"I can assure you that I am not." Ben was way more talkative this morning than Finn ever expected him to be, in fact ever since arriving on that planet he barely addressed him at all. "My feelings for her are genuine and so are hers for me. There is no masterplan. I guarantee you if there was, I wouldn't be on the run from my own people and you'd be dead by now."

There was a hint of a smile hidden in his face, something Finn wasn't even sure Kylo Ren – or was it truly just Ben Solo now – was capable of.

"Thanks for telling me." Finn said unsure.

Ben raised an eyebrow. "Make no mistake, I don't care what you think." His voice was back now to the arrogance and sharpness it had before, "But she cares. She wants your support."

Finn shrugged. "Thanks for telling me anyways. I believe you." He said bluntly and he realized much to his own surprise that it was the truth. His mind didn't try to convince him otherwise anymore. If the last couple of days had been any proof than that Rey and Kylo or whatever he was calling himself now were anything, than that it was genuine in love with one another and even if Finn would never fully understand how that happened, he was going to have his best friend's back.

He hesitantly offered Ben something to eat. He thought he would decline but to his surprise he took it and silently started to eat.

It was funny to Finn how life sometimes turned out. If a couple of months ago someone would have told him he'd be eating breakfast with Kylo Ren, he would have told that person was crazy. Now he, the former Stormtrooper, was on the run with Snoke's star apprentice whom he always watched and feared from afar. Back when they were both part of the First Order Kylo was a terrifying mystery. A creature under a mask with outbursts of rage and a strength no one really understood. Now he sat in front of him and Finn finally started to realize that he was just a man. Somewhat lost and with his own insecurities and hopes and dreams. He would never forget the terrible things he had done, but he also now understood Rey's frequent use of the term "it's complicated", because it was.

"Something else you want to know?" Ben asked with an annoyed undertone.

Finn eagerly shook his head. "Nope, everything's fine." He looked away again and bit his lip.

Ben rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to choke you for asking questions. Besides, whatever is going on in your head is noisy and annoying."

"Stop reading my thoughts…or feelings or whatever you do!" Finn snapped.

"I can't." Ben said and leaned back against a fallen tree. "This place is emphasizing my abilities."

Finn was surprised by how calmly he explained what was going on and even more so by how relaxed he seemed around him. Maybe he was really trying for Rey's sake.

"I just keep wondering about…Stormtroopers." He confessed. Ever since he left the First Order, he had so many questions but no one around to ask. With Ben now present and not that villainous anymore he finally had a person to turn to.

Ben sighed. He suddenly felt something like pity for Finn. "Some of the old guards are leftovers from the Empire." He started, "But your generation has been raised into the First Order since childhood. Trained as soldiers, brainwashed." He hissed, empathizing with Finn due to his own experiences with Snoke. "Some were taken from powerful families, political or famous bloodlines. As leverage or…"

"Or the parents were killed." Finn finished.

Ben nodded. "But some…some children were given to the First Order. Either by parents who supported the cause or who just couldn't afford them." He remembered what Rey's parents did to her and felt nothing but disgust. Of course, he couldn't openly disobey Snoke when he started training under him, but he always hated how the Stormtroopers were created. "Some are just orphans." He continued. "Picked up by the First Order and forged into weapons."

"So, chances are either that my family is dead or scum." Finn said bitterly. He didn't know what exactly he expected to hear, he always tried to tell himself it didn't matter and that he found a family within the Resistance, but truth to be told, just like Rey, a part of him always wondered. "I don't suppose that the First Order kept a record or something?"

"Not that I'm aware of." Ben was surprised by the amount of compassion in his voice, but he could relate to Finn. He wasn't taken from his parents like that, but he knew how it felt to be lost and lonely and wondering what life could have been like. "I could try to find something." He suggested, "Going deep into your subconscious."

Finn shook his head. "No thanks, that's kinda creepy but I…uhm…appreciate the offer." He wasn't sure if Ben just really asked him to do something nice for him, but when they fell back into silence it was less awkward than it had been before.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Poe couldn't sit still for a minute. He forgot to eat and drink and sleep. His body was telling him to rest, but he ignored it.

"If I'm allowed to take a nap, so are you Commander Dameron." Leia said, eying him suspiciously.

Poe forced a smile. "Afraid I must decline, General."

Leia crossed her arms. "Afraid it is an order." she shot right back at him.

Poe laughed lightly. He admired her so much for her strength, intelligence and sense of humor even within a crisis.

"I just feel like…" he yawned, "If anything will happen to them, it's my fault." He confessed.

Leia shook her head. "Poe." She said more gently now, taking his hand and making him sit down next to her, "Whatever is going on, you are certainly not at fault. We don't know if they are even in danger." Assuring Poe was not an easy task. Leia put on a good act to stay positive, but in reality, she was as scared as he was, blaming herself as well. She knew something was off with Rey long before she and Finn left and yet stood there and did nothing. And now that new information about Kylo Ren fleeing from the First Order was out in the open as well and she had no idea what to make of it. All she was sure about was that those two events were connected somehow.

"If something happens to him, I will never forgive myself." Poe said, his eyes closed now. "He just wanted to escape the First Order and live a normal life and I dragged him into this mess. I know I should focus on my job but –"

Leia was surprised by his sudden emotional outburst. While Poe never held back his opinions and certainly was passionate about the resistance, personal feelings he mostly kept to himself.

"It is fine to lose focus once in a while." Wasn't she herself absentminded often, thinking about the son she had lost? "Especially when we worry about those we love."

Poe looked at her, he neither confirmed what she just said or deny it.

A cough suddenly caught their attention. Rose stood in front of them. "We got a brief distress signal, from what could have been our lost ship."

Poe immediately jumped to his feet. "Was it Finn?" His eyes gleamed, "Where is he?"

Rose smiled sadly. "It was turned off too quickly. We couldn't get a read on the location, I'm afraid we are too far away. I'm sorry."

Leia got up and gently squeezed Poe's shoulder. Disappointment was written all over his face. "At least we have a sign of life. Can we get maybe a direction?"

Rose nodded. "We are trying our best."  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rey woke up with a smile on her face. She stretched her arms and looked around, noticing she was alone. For a moment she panicked that last night was nothing but a mere Force projection again, that he wasn't really there after all then she touched the spot he lay on and it was still somewhat warm, and it calmed her down.

She figured he woke up early and just didn't want to bother her. As much as she was looking forward to waking up next to him, she also admitted she needed the rest. The last couple of days were emotionally exhausting and she didn't get much sleep during last night, being occupied with other activities. She giggled to herself, feeling a bit silly doing so, but couldn't help it.

She felt like she could drown in her own happiness. A part of her felt guilty for feeling that way. The Galaxy was at war, her friends still in danger and yet she could shout it from a top of a mountain how much she loved him and how happy he made her.

She wished she could just grab him, find a little place somewhere safe and just be there with them, living their lives together. It was impossible right now, but also something to look forward to. For the first time she truly believed that maybe this could all end well, that the Force brought them together for a reason and that they could make it out alive, have their adventures and then find a nice place to live together. It seemed so far away, yet she could picture it right in front of her eyes.

When she was still on Jakku she only dreamed about finding her parents and getting away from this place, she never really cared about anything else. When she discovered the Force within her, her single goal was to become a Jedi. Now there were all these plans inside of her head, all these wishes and dreams about a future she never dared to think of before.

She grabbed her clothes and got dressed. She ran down to the place where they had left the ship, barely noticing the damage from the storm around her. What she in front of her ship made her heart skip beat. Finn and Ben sitting there together, no snarky comments, no drawn lightsaber, no choking. They weren't talking but she could feel that they weren't as uncomfortable as before either.

"Hey!" She waved at Finn, who shot her a bright smile. "Good morning." She wrapped her arms around Ben from behind, leaned down and kissed his cheek. She couldn't hide her wide smile and giggles, even if she wanted to.

For a moment he felt uncomfortable again, expressing his emotions in front of Finn, but her laughter and happiness were simply infectious.

"Morning." He pulled her on his lap, capturing her in a deep kiss. "I didn't want you to wake up alone, I just thought you could need the rest."

"It's fine." She whispered against his lips. "I love you." Now that she said it once, she never wanted to stop saying it again. It felt so good, so right.

He kissed her again. "I love you, too."

Finn rolled his eyes. "I get it. No one is manipulated, you two are genuinely in love and you're making me nauseous."

Rey tried hard not to laugh out loud. She slipped from Ben's lap, but kept her hand intertwined with his and buried her head on his shoulder. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I'm sorry, Finn." She laughed.

"I'm sorry…" Finn imitated her annoyed. "Can we focus on important stuff?" He asked and pointed at the ship. "A huge rock crashed into the windshield."

Rey looked up. "What?"

"It's taken care of." Finn said, exchanging a look with Ben. "And I think we have enough material stashed to repair it…or at least improvise, but I doubt the ship will take us far." There was something else he hadn't told them yet and he was glad that Ben was too preoccupied with their previous conversation to notice how nervous that one left out detail made him. "When I returned to the ship last night" he started carefully "it was turned on. I guess it happened during the crash." He took a deep breath, "for a moment all systems were turned on…including…"

"The tracking system?" Rey asked, but one look into his face and she already knew the answer.

"I immediately turned it off." Finn said hastily, but he wasn't sure exactly how long it had been on.

Ben, who had been quiet up until this moment rose up. "We should repair what we can and then leave this place, it's not safe anymore." He felt guilty about what happened, if it weren't for him no damage would have been done.

"Hey." Rey took his hand and squeezed it. "It's not your fault, you had no idea this could happen."

It amazed Finn how they communicated without words, she knew exactly how he felt and one look into her eyes and he seemed more relaxed. Watching them felt like missing out on an entire conversation he just couldn't understand.

"Rey is right." He gave him a small smile, "Besides we couldn't have stayed here forever anyways."

Ben nodded, acknowledging Finn's reassurance in his own silent way. "We need to ditch that ship as soon as possible."

"But then what?" Finn asked the question no one had an answer to. "I mean, we don't have a plan. I know it was more important to get to safety first, but what now? I know you don't want to hear this, but maybe we should rejoin the Resistance. I'm sure if we explain everything, General Leia –"

"You don't get it." Ben hissed, obviously shaken by hearing his mother's name. "I won't join the Resistance."

"But you left the First Order!" Finn argued. "We're three people, what can we do alone?"

Neither Rey nor Ben had an answer to that. "If we go back it will just be another fight." Rey said, "If the Resistance destroys the First Order sooner or later another Snoke will rise."

"And if the First Order destroys the Resistance there will be another group rising to resist." Ben continued.

Finn understood their points perfectly, but it frustrated him to no end. "You can't just tell them to lay their weapons down and stop fighting. That's not how war works."

"Don't you think we don't know that?" Ben snapped. He thought about the Stormtrooper KN and the vague idea that was once forming inside of his mind when he still had a chance to turn the First Order upside down from the inside. But that chance was gone now, they were back to square one.

The whole situation was a mess, they were all aware of it. Good intentions did not stop a war.

"How about a compromise?" Finn asked. "We could go and find Maz. She will listen to us, I'm sure of it."

Rey thought about it for a moment. She could read it in Ben's face that he wasn't too keen on the idea either, but Finn was right, they were running out of options.

"How should we find her?" She asked, bringing up the next problem.

Finn shrugged. "Don't know." He sighed, it was such a complicated situation.

"First things, first." Ben said then, his voice strong and controlled showing hints of the leader he grew into within the First Order. "We repair the ship, get off this planet and try to get a new one. Everything else we decide then."

Using the word we suddenly got a whole new meaning for him. We didn't just mean him and Rey anymore, but also included Finn. For the first time he truly seemed to understand that the former Stormtrooper was now part of whatever they had started. Ben was not the Supreme Leader anymore, but part of a group, part of team something he had never truly been. They were equal partners, all three of them and therefore every opinion counted.

"Let's go to work then." Rey said and clapped her hands together.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hux entered his chambers. Instead of a quiet place to calm down he found a tall man, dressed in black and wearing a mask standing in the corner of his room.

He jerked back. "Do you have to appear like that?" He snapped. "Ever heard of entering a room by asking for permission first?" He tried to sound confident, but the appearance of that man scared him. They all scared him, but he couldn't let them know it. He learned to hide his feelings from Force sensitive people and hoped they wouldn't betray him now.

"You send for us." The voice sounded metallic, unreal. A lot like Kylo's when he still used that ridiculous helmet.

"That's right." Hux confirmed, walking past him. "Luke Skywalker is dead, I'm sure you've heard about that."

The man grunted but said nothing. Hux took it as all the confirmation he needed. "I thought you could use a new mission."

Looking into that masked face was unsettling. He couldn't read what he was thinking or going to do next.

"Supreme Leader Snoke is dead." The man said, "We only answer to Kylo Ren now and not you, Armitage Hux."

"Hm." Hux sighed unconcerned, "I figured that. But you might want to reconsider your loyalties, when I show you what really happened to Supreme Leader Snoke." He smiled cruelly.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Poe was in the hangar looking at the ships. How easy it was to just steal one and go looking for them as well. BB-8 was rolling around next to him, beeping every now and then.

"I know, buddy. We can't just do that." He gently touched the little droid's head.

"Hey." Rose walked towards them, handing him something to drink. "How are you holding up?" She asked.

He shrugged. "Just trying to understand what happened." They all did, but their thoughts were running in circles.

"I keep thinking we missed something." She said, lost in thoughts. "I don't think they would betray us, I also think Rey is too strong and too smart to be manipulated by Kylo Ren."

"And Finn would never support running after Kylo to get him alone…" Poe was sure about that. He would rather tie Rey up than let her chase after Kylo on her own, Finn feared that guy.

"Even if…" Rose said, "How would they even know that he fled the First Order?"

Poe nipped at his drink. It was Luke Skywalker all over again. A wild goose chase through the Galaxy with no clue were to start. He looked at BB-8, suddenly an idea hit him.

"You wouldn't look at the same hiding place twice…" He said more to himself than to Rose.

"What?" She asked confused.

Poe kneeled in front of BB-8. "Show me the map again. You still got it, right?"

BB-8 made a confirming sound and projected the map they both once recovered in front of them.

"No one could find Skywalker there!" He pointed excitedly at the map. "So, why not use that spot again?"

Rose raised an eyebrow, not sure if she was following him. "Why would they go there?"

"Who knows?" Poe asked, "But it's a place we wouldn't think about!" He started to sprint back to the Commando Room. "Come on, BB-8!"

"Poe, wait!" Rose followed him, playing with the idea he just lost his mind.

"General!" He ran towards Leia, grabbing her shoulders. "I think they're might be hiding on Ahch-To!"

Leia raised an eyebrow. "And you think that because…?" She asked skeptically.

"I don't know. A hunch?" Poe knew how crazy that sounded. "Look, Luke hid there, and no one could find him, right? They wouldn't expect us to look at the same place twice." It still sounded crazy, but his gut told him he was right. He could feel it deep within. "Permission to look there, please." He begged her.

Leia could feel his desperation. His worry for Finn got the best of him, but even if they would just go looking on a hunch, what bad could it really do? They had no idea where their missing friends had headed to and she herself relied a lot on her feelings as well.

"Fine. But just a scouting mission. If you run into the First Order or…" she thought about her son, "any kind of trouble, do not engage." She turned to Rose. "I assume right that you want to join him, Miss Tico?"

Rose nodded. "Yes, General."

Leia didn't want to let them go, but she was afraid they would leave anyways to find their lost friends. "Take the Falcon. She is the best ship we have."

"And Chewbacca?" Poe asked.

Leia smiled sadly. "I'll ask Chewie to trust you with her. He could become a liability should you run into my…should you run into Kylo Ren."

Poe understood. "Thank you, General. We will prepare for our journey and leave as soon as possible." He left the room to gather some things, leaving Rose and Leia behind.

"I have a bad feeling about this." Rose muttered under her breath.

Leia said nothing, but silently agreed.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rey was good with machines. She felt at home repairing them. "Hand me the screwdriver again." She instructed Finn.

She was trying to patch up the broken windshield outside the ship, with Finn assisting her as good as possible.

"I wish we would have kidnapped a droid." He murmured.

Rey used her lightsaber for welding. "That should do it." She said and climbed off the ship. "How are we doing inside?" She shouted.

"Good news is –" Ben shouted back, "Ship can definitely fly. Bad news, the hyperspace is extremely damaged. If we're lucky we make one jump."

Finn groaned. "Amazing. Let me guess, there is also a high chance we just blow up."

Ben didn't answer that question, but Rey's expression said more than a thousand words.

"Fantastic. I hope you two appreciate what I'm doing for you."

"Finn…" Rey said suddenly.

"What? I think I deserve some appreciation for being the bestest friend –"

"Look out!" She tackled him down.

"What the…?" he asked and looked up. They were surrounded by Stormtroopers.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm so sorry for not updating earlier. But life is crazy and work especially right now. I was also down with a nasty cold and couldn't stand looking at a screen, so there's that. Thank you again for your support and kind words. I had lots of fun writing this chapter, so I hope you enjoy reading it just as much. As always, reviewes are very welcome.

**Chapter Eight**

_And if it is faith that decides_

_I'm not gonna fear for my life_

_I won't give up dying_

_I'm trying to fight_

Conviction, Amber Pacific

There was no time to think, there was only reaction. Scanning the situation, she knew immediately they were heavily outnumbered. Even with hers and Ben's combined strength they would never win in a fight. She hadn't seen that many Stormtroopers in a while. She glanced at the ship, they could try to make a fly for it but knowing the First Order there was probably a Star Destroyer just waiting for them to do something like that.

In the corner of her eye she saw Finn slowly getting up. She reached for the lightsaber and sliced through their attacker.

Then everything happened so fast, she could barely follow it.

They were being shot at. She reacted as fast as possible, pushing people away with the Force, using her lightsaber to redirect laser shots, kicking and punching and trying to survive. Next to her Finn was shooting with his blaster, she could feel his fear.

Ben eventually joined the fight, which at least seemed to have distracted some Stormtroopers for a moment.

They were fighting back to back, reminiscent of their battle with Snoke's guards back in that red throne room.

TIE Fighters joined the battle. She was out of breath.

"RUN!" She yelled desperately. She turned around, locking eyes with Ben. "I'll try to shake them off. Take Finn and find a hiding place." He was clearly irritated, but she stopped him before he had any chance to argue with her. "I know this Island, they don't!"

He answered her with a nod, signaling Finn to follow him and they split away from her. She hoped she wasn't overconfident. Yes, she knew the island but oh there were so many of them.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hux had a hard time trying not to laugh. He wasn't sure what exactly happened. Maybe some of the traitor's precious new allies activated the tracker on their ship, maybe it was a stupid mistake, whatever it was, he was thankful for it. He didn't expect to find him that easily, but now he did, and it was only a matter of time before the mighty Kylo Ren would fall and no one would doubt his position as the rightful new Supreme Leader of the First Order anymore.

The girl was with him. Of course, she was. Wasn't she the whole reason he betrayed Snoke? Hux still didn't fully understand what happened. Was it his Jedi hubris? Did he think he could overthrow Snoke, take control and rule the Galaxy with the girl by his side? Maybe he even intended to bring back the Jedi after all, ruling with them over people who had no connection the Force. How much he hated him for that. Deep down he was aware of his own jealousy. The moment Kylo Ren joined Snoke he had become his first priority and no matter how hard anyone else worked, it wasn't as appreciated as his prodigy apprentice.

Hux shook his head and finally broke down to laugh at the irony.

Who was the prodigy now?  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rey ran as fast her legs allowed her to, dodging shots in-between. Her plan seemed to have worked, most of the Stormtroopers they encountered were running after her, probably because she was alone and some of them still feared Ben from experiences.

She hoped Ben and Finn would be fine. She also hoped that the lanais and porgs and Thala-sirens would not be caught in the crossfire. She could smell smoke from gun fire and hear TIE fighters hovering everywhere. She blamed herself for this. Ahch-To was such a peaceful planet and she brought the disruption with her.

"I'm sorry, Luke." She whispered, hoping he could hear her wherever he might be. It was the only safe place she could think of and now she trapped them there.

She dodged another laser and quickly turned around. She kicked one Stormtrooper in the stomach, pushing him against another. She unleashed her lightsaber once more and fought off four at the same time while trying to push another away with the Force.

A shot suddenly hit her arm, causing her to scream out in pain. For a moment everything went black. She sank down to her knees.

"We got her." She heard a voice saying.

"Just kill her. The Supreme Leader just wants Kylo Ren alive." Another voice answered.

Rey inhaled sharply. She was not going to die on this planet. Her eyes flung open. She pushed one Stormtrooper away and sliced through the other one with the bright purple lightsaber before she made a run for it again.

Her arm was burning up, but she didn't have the luxury to make a stop and tend to the wound. She was pretty sure that by now General Hux was aware that Ben was indeed on this planet and would send as many reinforcements as possible, so she had to come up with something very quickly.

She looked ahead. Cliffs and even more cliffs. She sprinted up to the top of the largest hill she could find, hoping not another Stormtrooper would hit her. She felt terribly exposed out in the open.

"Freeze!" One of them suddenly appeared in front of her. "Don't even think about using your weapon, rebel."

She raised her hands behind her back. They were surrounding her from every side. "Please." She whispered into the wind and closed her eyes. She could feel the Force around her, everything was breathing, everything was alive. She tried to envision the hills around her. Once she got a clear image inside of her mind, she went a step further. She imagined them shaking and crumbling and falling down on the Stormtroopers.

She breathed heavily, trying not to focus on the pain in her right arm. She had become better in using the Force, was more in control now than ever, still moving so many objects at the same time was draining her, she still had a lot to learn.

The Stormtroopers started to scream and run. She opened her eyes, realizing rocks were smashing down on them from all over the place. She smiled briefly before she made for her escape.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leia sat in the Resistance commando room, surrounded by her fellow admirals and generals. How much she wished Ackbar and Amylin were still alive and with her, she missed them as friends and needed them as allies.

"General Leia." General Ematt addressed her rather gently. "You know we would never question your decisions."

And yet you're doing it, she added to herself in thoughts, but decided to remain silent. She crossed her arms and forced a smile.

"But recently, you have us concerned."

Leia grunted. "Is that so?" She asked in a dangerously low voice.

"Look Prince – eh General" Admiral Statura jumped into the conversation, more eager and youthful than good old Ematt, "You have suffered through a lot lately. The deaths of Han Solo, Luke Skywalker and Admiral Holdo –"

"You don't have to remind me of the losses I have suffered, Admiral." She interrupted sharply, "I am very well aware of them. Just cut the sugar-coating and get to the point of this sweet little intervention."

Statura gulped and took a step backwards. Leia smiled, pleased with herself. She still got it. She expected Ematt to take the word again, but much to her surprise it was the fourth person in the room, Major Brance who held the lowest position of them, stood up.

"To be frank, General, we are afraid your feelings cloud your judgement." He spoke hastily. Ematt gasped and shot him a warning look, but Brance took all his courage and continued. "Rey and Finn left without a word. At the same time, Kylo Ren disappears from the First Order." He carefully stated the facts, "Now you've sent Dameron and Tico on a wild goose chase through the Galaxy, which costs us two more valuable members of the resistance…" he paused, "and for what? Maybe we should consider the possibility that Rey and Finn left to conspire with Kylo Ren. He was a Stormtrooper before joining us and we don't know anything about her. Dameron and Tico could be walking into a trap right now."

"Hm." Leia leaned back in her chair. She wasn't used to anyone questioning her authority, but even if it angered her, she knew she had to consider all the possibilities. She didn't believe Rey or Finn to be traitors, the Force had shown her their hearts, revealed goodness and sincerity, but she could see why others would doubt them. And there was still the trouble her son was causing. "You all think that?" She asked.

Statura and Ematt didn't answer, instead they stared down at their own feet. Leia sighed, it was all the confirmation she needed.

"Very well, Gentlemen." She got up. "I will take your opinions into consideration." She left the room and three stunned men behind.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Why did you let her leave like this?" Finn yelled at Ben behind him. They were running in the opposite direction from Rey, less Troopers behind them.

Finn was running ahead, with Ben covering them both by redirecting as many shots as possible.

"She can take care of herself." He said with confidence. "I'd fear more for the Stormtroopers than for her." His voice was swelled with a kind of pride that wasn't unnoticed by Finn. Once again Ben surprised him. His faith in Rey and her abilities was astonishing.

Ben suddenly stopped running. He drew his lightsaber. "This is pointless." He muttered. "Go ahead!" He shouted at Finn. "I'll take care of them."

Finn didn't feel comfortable leaving him alone, but he knew it was pointless to argue. Over his shoulder he caught a glimpse of Ben attacking two Stormtroopers with his lightsaber, before he was out of sight.

He hated that damn island more with every passing minute. One second, he was running down a hill and suddenly he was going upwards again. Like right now. He could already see the edge of the island before him, he was trapped.

Suddenly a shot barely missed him. He turned around, staring at a Stormtrooper that must have gotten past Ben.

"Die, traitor!" The Stormtrooper yelled and took another shot.

Finn jumped away, grabbing his blaster, firing at the enemy. The shot directed at him missed him only by an inch or two, but his own one hit the Stormtrooper right into the chest.

Finn laughed out loud, proud at his magnificent shot, but his happiness was very short lived. He realized he was falling.

"No!" He managed to scream out. He jumped too far when trying to dodge the laser, directly over the cliff. He was almost hyperventilating. So, that's it? He asked himself. Seconds became an eternity to him. When he decided to stay with the Resistance, he always figured it would eventually end in death. But at least he envisioned to go out like a hero, saving someone's life, fighting some important villain, dying for a bigger cause, not like that. It was a cruel irony. He wouldn't even die because a Stormtrooper shot him, instead he would be impaled by rocks or drown in the wild ocean of that forsaken planet in the middle of nowhere. He thought about Rey and how much she meant to him, how thankful he was to have met her. He thought about Poe and Rose and all those words unspoken.

Then he hit the ground. To his surprise it wasn't sharp or wet. It was soft and smelled like grass. He slowly opened his eyes. His nose was indeed pressed into grass.

"What the…?" He sat up and looked around. "I'm not dead." He stated. Then he realized Ben in front of him, arms still up in the air. Finn blinked confused, before he realized what had happened. Ben had pulled him up, saved him from the fall to certain death.

"You are such a nuisance, Stormtrooper." He said, rolling his eyes.

Finn got up and brushed the dirt off his pants. "Really? I think you're getting used to me."

A howl got their attention. Another Stormtrooper approached them. He ran towards them, firing like a maniac.

"Oh, get lost!" Ben said annoyed. He waved his hand and the Stormtrooper flew over the edge, crashing into the waves like Finn almost did before him.

Finn looked over the cliff, seeing the white figure slowly disappearing into the deep nothing. Then he looked back and Ben and started to laugh. He laughed like he hadn't in a long time.

Ben raised an eyebrow. "Are you in shock?" He asked irritated.

Finn shook his head. His eyes were teary and his stomach was hurting. "Get lost!" He tried to imitate Ben's voice, "You said…to him…it's just so funny…and I almost fell and then didn't, but he did and…"

"I don't understand why you are laughing. We are not out of danger yet, so will you get a hold of yourself." He said seriously.

Without realizing what he was doing, Finn gently clapped Ben's back. "Man, situational comedy. You need to loosen up." Finn took a deep breath and collected himself then he reached out his hand. "Hey Ben, thanks for saving my life."

Ben wasn't used to friendly claps on the back or someone reaching out his hand to him. Nor was he used to hearing his real name spoken like that. It was fine when Rey did it, but hearing it come out of Finn's mouth was something entirely unexpected, a feeling he couldn't interpret because he had never felt it before. He was aware the former Stormtrooper hadn't called him by any name up until now, carefully avoiding awkwardness and confusion and suddenly it just rolled off his lips so easily. He continued to stare at the hand before eventually deciding to shake it. His natural instinct was to pull away, but for some reason he didn't.

"You're welcome…Finn."

Finn smiled. He almost expected Ben to add something along the line of 'I just did it for Rey' but it never happened.

"I know where to hide." He tilted his head and Finn immediately followed him, until he realized where Ben was going.

They sprinted down the cave Ben and Rey had disappeared into shortly before and it looked just as unsettling as it had during that night.

"I'm not going down there." Finn protested. "What if the cave messes with us again?"

"You are not Force-sensitive. You'll be fine." Ben explained.

Finn carefully looked down into that dark hole again. Force-sensitive or not, even he could feel the dark energy coming from within. "Fine. What if it messes you up again?" He wasn't ready to deal with another emotional outburst in hurricane form again.

"It won't." Ben said with calm certainty in his voice. "The Force is with us."

Finn didn't feel very assured. "Oh yeah? Did it call you to tell you that?" He snapped. Normally he would be afraid to sass at Ben like that, but he was cold and scared and his nerves were on the edge.

"That is not how the Force works." Ben hissed and Finn suddenly had an odd case of déjà vu. For the first time since he met Ben Solo, he could see the resemblance between him and his father. The annoyed eye-roll, the edginess, the sarcasm, but also the heart and courage. "I can sense it." He said briefly before grabbing Finn and jumping down with him.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leia was walking up and down her room like a caged tiger. She was feeling anxious, nervous out of her mind. She was afraid that soon her hand would be forced into some kind of action she might regret later on, but she was running out of ideas.

She understood that the Resistance was getting restless. That her leadership was being questioned. If she had been in the position of Ematt, Statura or Brance she would have questioned herself.

Self-doubt started to overcome her. Was she being reasonable or emotional?

A knock on the door interrupted her train of thoughts. C-3PO walked in, followed by a worried looking Chewbacca.

"Close the door." She said to the Wookie, feeling paranoid and on the edge.

"You need to do something for me." She said to the droid. "And it has to stay between the three of us."

The Wookie howled, signaling his full support for Leia. C-3PO seemed slightly confused as always. "All those secrets, General. I really don't think –"

"3PO, please." She massaged her temples. Terrible headaches started to haunt her. "Just this once, don't argue."

Even if he wasn't known for his sensitive and talked too much, even C-3PO somehow sensed the seriousness of the situation. "Of course, General."

She briefly touched his new, red arm. "I need you to locate someone for me, without anyone noticing." She turned to Chewie, "And if you can find him, I need you to get a message to him."

Chewie howled again, questioning whom Leia was talking about. "Well," she smirked, "our old friend Lando Calrissian, of course."  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben tapped his feet nervously on the ground. He was sure Rey would find them in the cave, that she would get to the same conclusion about a safe place, what he didn't know was what took her so long.

Finn got over Ben dragging him down that hole pretty fast, once he realized to him it was really just a cave.

"And you feel not funny or anything?" He asked Ben every once in a while.

"No. I just feel the Force down here. It's strong. Now stop asking." He was running out of patience. He knew Rey was capable and strong, still what if he underestimated the First Order?

A noise suddenly got their attention. "Someone's coming." Finn held is blaster in position, but Ben immediately pulled it down. Rey appeared in front of them, out of breath but smiling.

Ben immediately wrapped his arms around her, pressing her close to his body, kissing her hair. "I was getting worried."

"I'm fine." She said against his chest. "You?"

"Also, fine." He pulled away, his eyes immediately focusing on her bloody arm. "Who –"

"Nothing to worry about anymore." She said quickly, before sinking down to her knees. "It's just a graze shot."

She tried to sound brave, but Ben could almost physically feel her pain. He ripped some fabric from his shirt and wrapped hit around her wound. "We need to put pressure on it, you lost a lot of blood."

She leaned against him, relaxing in his arms. "I'll be fine."

"You need to rest." He said. He then turned around and looked at Finn. "Try to get some sleep as well, I'll stand guard. I don't sense anyone coming closer."

Finn gave him a thankful nod. He was incredibly tired.

Rey's breath calmed down. "I'm sorry." She murmured. "Coming here was my idea, now we are trapped."

Ben pulled her even closer, trying to keep her warm. "It's not your fault, it's mine." He knew how they found them. The storm caused the rock to land on the ship, the switches were turned on and even if it was for a short moment the tracker was activated.

Rey closed her eyes. She felt safe in his arms, secure. "Let's agree we both messed up." She chuckled before she fell asleep.

In her dream she sat on a beach. The air smelled clear, the sky was blue and small waves were gently stroking the water. Next to her sat a teenage girl, not older than sixteen.

"I love it here!" the girl said, smiling. She stretched her arms, her long brown hair was waving in the wind.

"Me too." Rey answered. Her own voice sounded unfamiliar. She recognized it, yet she felt like she was trapped in a different body. If that was a dream, it was a weird one. She looked closer at the girl. Her smile was so familiar, her brown eyes so deep and intelligent. A jolt of panic ran through her. This didn't feel like a dream to her. She had realistic dreams before, but none that felt as vivid as this one. What was she doing there? Was the cave messing with her head while she slept?

"Are you alright?" The girl asked.

Rey nodded. "Just tired."

"This is why vacation was a good idea." She stretched out her legs, her bare feet were half-buried in the sand. "Though, I hope you don't mind we tagged along. I know it's your anniversary and Dad wanted to surprise you. We didn't want to be tactless." She grinned apologetically.

Rey's whole body froze. What was going on? Anniversary? Dad? Whatever trick the Force was playing on her she wanted to wake up.

The girl grabbed her hand. "Mom, seriously –" she stopped herself. "You are not you." The girl suddenly said.

Rey bit her lip. "I'm just in a dream." Her voice was trembling.

The girl sighed. "The Force brought you here."

"How do you know that?" Rey asked. There was so much about the Force she still did not understand, so much Luke never got to teach her.

"I know" the girl leaned closer, "Because you taught me all about it."

Rey's hand started to shake. "Who are you?" Deep down she knew the answer, she just couldn't believe it. The hair had her color, her nose the same shape and her smile was like looking into a mirror, but those eyes, the eyes were all him.

"The Force can show you the past and the future." The girl explained. "Though be careful with the future, it is always changing, always in motion."

Rey reached out her hand, it was like her body was moving automatically. She gently touched the girl's cheek. Her skin was so soft and warm, it felt so real.

"You are my future?" Rey asked.

The girl shrugged. "For now, I am. But who can tell? I hope I will still be in your future tomorrow."

Rey felt a tear running down her cheek. She had spent her life alone, without the love of a family and now she was sitting next to a daughter she could possibly have. Never in a million lightyears did she even toy with the potential of having a family of her own one day, even when she fell for Ben that thought never truly crossed her mind given their situation. But now the living proof was sitting right next to her, smiling at her.

"What's your…" she wanted to ask her so many questions, but her world slowly started to spin out of control. The image of the girl became fainter. "No, not now." Rey said desperately. The girl was still talking to her, but she couldn't hear her. Behind her two figures appeared, but their faces seemed too far away. Both were dark haired males, she thought they were smiling. As she felt like she was being pulled away, the last thing she saw was both men sitting down next to them, laughing.

Rey sat up straight, panting like she had been running a marathon. "No!" she yelled out.

"Rey!" Ben cupped her cheeks with his hands and focused her face on his. In the background she could hear noises indicating Finn was slowly waking up. "What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?"

His voice was so full of concern and love. She studied his eyes. Deep, intelligent eyes. She had his eyes. "The men…" she whispered to herself, understanding that one of them must have been him. "I hope you don't mind we tagged along." She repeated the girl's words. There was clearly another child. What she saw when she was waking up were Ben and a son. Their son. Their potential future. One reason more to fight, one reason more to survive.

"Rey." He said her name again. "You're burning up." He checked the wound on her arm. "Finn! Get up!"

"What?" Finn sounded still sleepy but stumbled over to them immediately, "What's going on?"

Ben loosened the bandage. "I think it's infected." The wound was deeper than they initially thought. It wasn't bleeding anymore, but hot and purulent. His mind was working fast. She didn't have time to clean the wound, she continued fighting and used a lot of energy, how did he not see this coming? "Get me some water." He ripped another part of his clothes off and handed it to Finn. Thankfully there was water all around them.

Rey was sinking down in his arms, sweating and shivering at the same time. He gently touched her cheek. "Rey, love, you need to stay awake."

"The Force showed me….showed me future….beautiful…" she stuttered before closing her eyes.

"Rey…come on, Rey." Ben felt like he was losing his mind. He wouldn't lose her, he wouldn't let her die, not after everything they had been through.

"Here!" Finn handed him the cloth and kneed down next to Rey, gently taking her hand.

Ben started to clean the wound, though he knew that it would be for nothing without getting her some real medicine.

"Freeze!" A Stormtrooper appeared out of nothing, Ben didn't feel him coming, he was too occupied with Rey. He quickly turned around, raising his lightsaber when the Stormtrooper suddenly jumped backwards.

"Sir..Sir…stop…please…." he dropped his blaster and put his helmet down, revealing blond hair and a freckled face. "It's me Sir, KN-3045."

Ben put his weapon away. He looked between Finn who cradled an unconscious Rey and the young Stormtrooper in front of him. Maybe they were lucky, maybe there was chance to make it out after all. To save her.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the worst. I'm so sorry for not updating sooner, but I admit a) case of writer's block, even with rewriting the already finished chapters from before and b) crazy times. So much is happening and I simply forgot. I hope you can forgive me and still read this. I also hope you are all save and healthy!
> 
> Little disclaimer: Since I originally started this after TLJ this will be AU-ish and not include reveals from The Rise of Kylo Ren or any other additional material. Especially the portrayal of the knights.
> 
> Reviews are always a highlight :)

**Chapter 9**

_I got all I need when I got you and I_

_I look around me and see a sweet life_

_I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight_

_You're getting me, getting me through the night_

_Kick start my heart when you shine it in my eyes_

_Can't lie, it's a sweet life_

_Stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight_

_You're getting me, getting me through the night_

\- Flashlight, Jessie J

The young Stormtrooper stared at Ben and Finn, his conflict was visible even without feeling it through the Force.

"3045, report!" A voice ordered through the dropped helmet. KN gulped and picked it up. "This is KN-3045." He said, his eyes never leaving Ben, "All clear, Captain. I continue my search."

Finn took a deep breath, pressing a now unconscious and shivering Rey closer to his body. Ben was not as surprised, he already sensed KN's decision before it was probably made.

"Thank you, KN." He said sincerely.

Rey winced in pain. Ben's eyes were filled with utter panic. The young Stormtrooper took a small step towards the group in front of him. It puzzled him to see the former Supreme Leader like this. The man behind the myth that had once been Kylo Ren.

"What happened to your friend, Sir?" He asked.

Ben clearly struggled with himself to answer. "A shot wound got infected. I fear it's blood poisoning." He could feel her energy fade away. The infection was spreading fast and she needed medical attention as soon as possible. "You got anything with you?" He asked, "Any medicine?"

KN carefully pulled out a small syringe. "That's only for pain, Sir. It's the only thing they give us. If someone needs serious help, they can only get it on the Star Destroyer above the planet."

That answer wasn't the one Ben was hoping for. It also confirmed his fear that a Star Destroyer was just waiting for them to try an escape. Hux could be an idiot, but he sure was no fool.

KN handed Ben the syringe without asking. Ben kneed down next Rey again. "Hold her still." He said to Finn before slowly shooting her with the pain killer.

She moaned loudly, but eventually her body relaxed a bit. She was still panting though. Finn slipped out of his jacket and put it over her like a blanket. "Her fever is getting worse." He whispered to Ben. "Can we trust your friend there?"

Ben blinked and snorted, telling Finn without the use of any words that while he had no friends within the First Order, that young man was their best shot at an escape right now.

"Sir…" KN stuttered.

"Stop calling me that, KN." Ben said and got up. "I'm not your Supreme Leader anymore."

KN looked down, avoiding eye-contact. Supreme Leader or not this was still Kylo Ren and he respected him deeply. "I know, but calling you anything else would feel weird though….Sir." He looked up, his face full of eagerness and youthful naivety. Ben wondered if he ever looked like this. Despite being born into a war there was a childlike innocence about him. "Listen Sir, I know you told me not to talk about our previous conversation but…but…after you left I did!" He spoke fast, stumbling over his own words. "And there are more of us. Stormtroopers that just want this war to end. We don't wanna fight anymore. We just want our freedom."

"Then leave." Finn said unimpressed. "That's what I did."

KN's eye light up. "You…you are the deserter?" His voice was high-pitched. "It's an honor to meet you! You are a hero among Stormtroopers. A lot of us admire your courage so much."

Finn raised an eyebrow. In any other situation he would have felt giddy about being seen as a hero and probably would have gloated a bit about it, but not right now.

"KN." Ben addressed the Stormtrooper uncharacteristically softly. "It is great that some of you resent the war, but what do you expect from sharing our conversation with others?"

KN dropped down on one knee in front of Ben. "I pledge my loyalty to you, Sir. As will many others."

Ben was confused. He did not understand what was happening. Sure, the Stormtroopers were loyal to him when he took over from Snoke, because they had no other choice, but personal loyalty was new to him. "KN, I –"

"Hear me out, Sir." He begged. "A lot of us don't agree with General… Supreme Leader Hux, we want out of the First Order, but not to join the Rebellion, but to live a life. We believe in you, we will help you to do whatever is necessary to end this war."

Ben was perplexed. He didn't understand why the Stormtroopers, why anyone would choose to follow him, let alone believe he had some secret plan to end the war that had been haunting most of them since birth. "Why?" He asked.

"Because, even if it was just for a moment, you treated me like a person." KN said with the sincerity of a child, "And now I want to find out what being a person truly means."

Ben hoped his face wouldn't give him away, wouldn't show how touched he was by those words. "KN." He offered the young man his hand and pulled him up, "I want to help you. I really do." He just now realized how true that was. Those Stormtroopers were not much different than himself. They also were manipulated and tossed into a war they had neither say or choice in. The only difference was that he at least at some control over his actions. "But right now, we are three people against hundreds of enemies. I don't know what you think I can do."

KN smiled brightly. "You killed Supreme Leader Snoke, something no one managed in about 30 years." He said in awe, "You will figure a way out and when you are ready, we will be ready. The only fight I ever want to fight again is for myself."

Ben put a hand on KN's shoulder. Maybe this was it, the plan that had been formed inside of his mind before he was forced to leave the First Order. The plan that had been in the back of it since he and Rey first discussed alternate options to end the war.

"Not to interrupt this meaningful conversation" Finn said, "But we can't help anyone if we get killed on this planet." He looked at Rey. "And she needs help."

KN looked at the wounded Rey. "There will be a guard shift around nightfall." He explained. "I can try to get in on it and help you get on the ship."

"That will be dangerous for you." Finn said, though he knew they had no other choice.

KN shrugged. "I meant what I said and if that is the way I can help you, I will. Still, even if you manage to make a fly for it, there is still a Star Destroyer waiting."

Ben calculated inside of his head. "Our ship is damaged, we can get into hyperspace probably only once and we have to out-maneuver the Destroyer…we have to take a chance, or we die here."

"Nightfall…" Finn murmured. They couldn't see the sky, but he figured it would still at least be a couple of hours, Rey didn't have that much time left. "We need to find a way to help Rey first…" suddenly a thought it hit him, "what about the Fish Ladies?" He asked, "They are caretakes, right? They probably know how to deal with injuries."

Ben tapped his fingers against his knee. He was getting nervous, anxious even. Finn was right, Rey needed help and even if they miraculously made it off the planet, he had no idea how to get her the help she needed. "KN, did you come across any lanais?"

"Lanais?" He looked at Finn who helpfully mouthed 'Fish Ladies' to him and shook his head. "No, sir."

That was good news to Ben. There was a chance the lanais were unhurt and still able to help them.

"Can you find them?" Finn asked.

Ben nodded. For the first time since coming to this planet he was truly thankful for its strong connection to the Force. He was sure that if he concentrated, he could easily locate any specific living beings.

"We still have to get past all the Stormtroopers on the Island. Not everyone will be on our side like KN is."

Finn bit his lip, knowing he was going to regret his next words. "You take Rey and find a way to get to the Fish Ladies, I cause a distraction."

"That'll most likely get you killed." Ben said in an unsettling matter-of-fact voice. KN nodding approvingly in the background didn't help the cause.

"Well, you should trust more in the people around you." Finn responded jokingly, but his stomach made him feel uneasy. How was he supposed to distract who knows how many enemies? "I'll guess a little fire here and there could get their attention. Fire usually does the deed."

Ben wasn't exactly fine with the plan, but they were running out of options. "If you're getting killed on my watch, she is probably going to kill me." He muttered under his breath before gently lifting Rey off the ground. He pressed her body clothes. She was burning up yet shivering like she was freezing. He put a soft kiss on her forehead. "I promise you'll be fine, love." He whispered.

KN didn't say anything but seeing Kylo like that was an experience he never expected. Like he himself wanted to find out what being a person with his own free will and life would look like, the man he previously called Supreme Leader was a person as well and he was going to lose someone he obviously cared for. "Good luck, Sir." KN said.

"Finn." Ben said seriously. "Distract them and then try to get on the ship. Hide there and if we are not back until sunrise, take the next opportunity and leave."

Finn's eyes widened. "I'm not leaving you guys here!" He hissed in panic. He could never leave without them, let alone out-maneuver all the TIE Fighters and a Star Destroyer. "There is no way –" Ben glared at him and he immediately shut up.

"If we don't make it back, you have to go. Save yourself." He tilted his head and pointed at KN, "Be the hero he thinks you are and save them."

Finn hesitated. He hated to admit it, but Ben was right. "You better make it back in time." He then looked at KN. "Kenny"

KN jolted back. "Kenny?" He asked confused.

Finn shrugged. Poe was apparently better at naming people than him. "I'm gonna call you Kenny now." He tried his best confident and charming Poe-impression, "You deserve a real name."

The newly named Kenny's eyes lit up. "Thank you so much. I…I never dreamed of…"

"Yeah, yeah." Finn interrupted, trying to keep his cool. But he knew exactly how the young man was feeling, not so long ago he had been in the exact same position. "Listen Kenny, go ahead and try to get on guard shift. I'll set a fire, get them to investigate but stay behind. That way we don't even need to wait until guard shift."

Kenny nodded. "Yeah." Before he left the cave, he addressed Ben again. "Sir, there is something else. General…" he rolled his eyes, "Supreme Leader Hux called on this protocol I've never heard of before. None of us have. Protocol 18514."

Ben kept a stoic face, he tried to keep it together for the sake of everyone else, they depended on him. But this new piece of information was troubling. "Don't mind that for now. Keep going with the plan and then stay low. They can't find out you helped us. We will get back in touch as soon as we can." He hoped that this wasn't going to end up being a lie.

Kenny nodded before leaving them.

Finn inhaled sharply. He squeezed Rey's hand one last time and shot Ben a quick smile before he left as well, leaving Ben with Rey, waiting to make a move.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Falcon emerged in front of Ahch-To and Poe immediately activated the shields. In front of them a huge Star Destroyer hovering over the planet, reminding him of a starving animal waiting for its prey.

"Dammit." He shouted. "What is going on here?"

BB-8 rolled up and down beeping in panic until Rose gently touched his little head. "You have to calm down, BB-8."

Poe turned the tracker off and carefully drew back from the planet, he hoped it wasn't too late and that the First Order hadn't noticed them already.

"Why do you think they are here?" Rose asked.

Poe shook his head. "I don't know." But he had a clear suspicion in mind. The signal they got only briefly at the Resistance base, the First Order probably got it fully and went to investigate as well. The question now was, were they looking for Finn and Rey or for their missing former Supreme Leader.

Poe clenched his fists tightly around the controller of the Falcon. "Dammit. Dammit. Dammit." He repeated. If Finn was down there, there was no chance in telling if he was alive. Poe had no idea how many Stormtroopers were on the planet already or if Kylo Ren was there with them. He had no idea about anything that was going on and it invoked his least favorite feeling, fear.

"What should we do now?" Rose asked. "Try to get down there and find them or retreat back to the Base?"

All valid questions, but Poe had no idea how to answer them. He didn't feel like the best pilot in the galaxy right now or even a competent Captain. He felt more like a lost child, not knowing what to do.

His fear for Finn got the best of him. He cursed under his breath. He wasn't used to feeling helpless, never met a person before that made him feel this way.

"Poe?" Rose asked again, obviously scared herself.

He took a deep breath. He needed to clear his head, needed to stay focused and come up with a solution.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finn regretted that he had volunteered to lure the Stormtroopers away the moment he stepped out of the cave. He loved being called a hero, but the actual heroics were still a bit of a problem for him.

"For Rey." He said to himself and started to run into the direction furthest away from the ship. Not long after that he heard footprints behind him and then he was being shot at. Again. He ran as fast as possible, dodging shots left and right. A few times he turned around and shot with his blaster himself. Something inside of him was holding him back however. Up until this moment he tried to push away feelings of guilt for shooting Stormtroopers, he tried to ignore the thoughts that there were people under those helmets just like him, that he probably spent time with some of them, ate lunch together and trained side by side. After meeting KN, or rather Kenny now, it all came back to the surface. All those emotions he pushed aside, all the doubts he had about the Resistance killing Stormtroopers without every asking any questions, they came back to haunt him.

He made a turn left and jumped over a rock, hiding behind it and shooting down one of his followers. "I'm sorry." He whispered, feeling like crying. He had to be selfish right now, he couldn't show any compassion because they didn't either. He needed to get his job done. For Rey. For Ben. For all the Stormtrooper lives he might be able to save afterwards.

He sprinted again, finally finding something useful. A giant tree that was pushed over by the storm. He hoped it wasn't too wet to use. He shot the last Stormtrooper at his heels and then started to shoot the tree, setting it on fire. He grabbed a nearby branch and started to fan it, hoping it would do the deed and make the fire spread. Guilt rushed through to him again. He was burning this place down, despite knowing about the creatures that lived there. He hoped that the planet would not disappoint afterwards and let it rain again to save the lives of those who didn't deserve to burn down here.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
KN, no Kenny now he had to remind himself, watched the horizon nervously. He got back to the momentary base of the Troopers without causing suspicion, but now the hard part would follow.

"Come on, Finn. Come on…" he whispered under his helmet. Then he saw it, black smoke reaching into the sky. He smiled briefly before he started to shout. "Fire! Fire!"

His Captain approach him. "What do you say, Soldier?"

Kenny pointed at the horizon. "There, Captain. The enemy is setting the island on fire."

The Captain waved his arms around. "Soldiers! Go, go, go! Find the targets. Capture Kylo Ren and kill the others."

The Troopers marched forward, leaving only a few of them behind to guard the ships. Including a volunteering Kenny. "We will make sure no one leaves the planet, Captain." He saluted.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben could hear the uproar among the Stormtroopers from above the cave. So, Finn had succeeded in distracting them, now all he had to do was getting back to the ship alive.

Ben closed his eyes, he felt the Force surrounding him. With Rey in his arms he jumped up. He carefully looked around, no Stormtrooper was visible, the only thing he could see was the smoke on the horizon. He placed Rey gently on the ground and concentrated. He had to find the lanais, wherever they were hiding.

The island was visible to him even through his closed eyes. He could see Stormtroopers, he could even see some Porgs, hiding between the rocks. "Come on." He tried to imagine the lanais in front of him, he reached out and then he saw something. A different cave, one higher up and them huddled together in fear.

His eyes flung open. He lifted Rey up. Her pulse was slow, her breathing heavy. She was wet from sweating and her face was burning up. He took a quick look at her wound, it was swollen and much to his shock saniopurulent.

"Hold on. Just a bit. You're so strong, something like that can't bring you down." He kissed her head. She was mumbling things in her sleep he couldn't understand. This was like a bad joke. She was the strongest person he knew and now a simple infection was bringing her down? He almost felt like laughing because of that cruel irony. "You're going to be fine, love. I promise you." He made his way towards where he felt the lanais. He was not going to lose her, he simply couldn't.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They were still wearing their masks. They didn't trust anyone within the First Order enough to reveal their faces to them. They were all in one room, it was the first time in a while all six of them were reunited. Only missing was their leader.

The tallest of them stood in a corner, his arms crossed. "Now you've seen what truly happened to Supreme Leader Snoke." He said, his deep voice booming through the room. "What do you make of it?"

The man next to him, very tall and slim, shrugged. "Kylo Ren betrayed the Supreme Leader, nothing more or less to make out of it."

The previous speaker stayed silent for a moment. "Kylo Ren is who Supreme Leader Snoke appointed as our master." His voice suddenly full of spite.

Another one, who sat cross-legged on the floor, turned around. "So…what does that mean for us? Do we follow Kylo and support whatever he was doing or are we joining Hux and try to bring him down?"

The tall man knew all eyes were on him. Kylo Ren had been their leader, but he was the oldest, the one who had been with Snoke the longest. He made his way across the room, standing in front of the smallest member of the group, who looked away.

"Talin Ren." He addressed him, "You know Kylo Ren the longest. What is your take on this?"

Talin Ren was glad he was wearing a mask, though he still felt exposed. "I don't know." He said feebly.

"Is that so?" The other man quickly grabbed him by the throat and smashed him against the wall. Talin struggled against him, trying to speak.

"Dammit Shan'no, stop it!" Another Knight jumped through the room, this one with a more delicate figure and higher voice. The Knight grabbed Shan'no's arm and pushed him away from Talin. "Get a hold on yourself."

Shan'no snorted, while Talin sank to the ground, gasping for air. "Talin, your thoughts, now."

"I…I swear I don't know. I…I haven't seen Be…Kylo since we left to look for Luke Skywalker. I don't know why he would betray Snoke." His head sunk. "But…but he is our master. Doesn't he deserve a chance to explain himself?"

Shan'no looked around, facing the others. "No matter what Snoke believed, Kylo was always tempted by the light side. Now it looks like he betrayed the Supreme Leader and the First Order to save that girl."

The one on the ground chuckled. "Come on, Shan'no. You've always been jealous of him, you sure you're not just seizing the opportunity to get rid of him?"

"Watch your tongue, Vestra." He growled.

Vestra put his hands behind his back. "Tell me one thing, do you really wanna follow Armitage Hux?"

"Vestra might be inappropriate" A Knight with a long cape, who had been silent up until this point said, "but he does have a point. Kylo Ren was appointed our leader for a reason and we should not let personal feelings interfere here. I respect you as the oldest and most loyal to Supreme Leader Snoke, Shan'no, and whatever you decide I will follow you, but consider your choices wisely."

"Thank you, for your opinion Essie, as always." He calmed himself. She was right, even though he hated to admit it. His personal issues with Kylo Ren were complicating things, they always had. "We will work with Hux to find Kylo Ren, but we will deal with him as we please."

Not one of the other Knights spoke against him, even though the youngest, Talin, felt his stomach tightening. He had a terrible feeling about what was going to happen.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rey was somewhat aware that she was being moved, but no matter what was going on outside, she was trapped in her own darkness.

It was peaceful there and quiet, the weight of the world gone from her shoulders. There was no fight to win, not battle to survive.

"You shouldn't be here." A teenage boy sat next to her. His hair jet-black and short, his eyes light brown, his skin pale.

"Why not?" she asked him.

He sighed. "Because you're trying to project yourself into something that hasn't happened yet, that might not happen at all."

She studied his face. He was handsome, youthful, but also worried and gentle. She couldn't believe he was hers. When she was just a child she was left without a family, now she got to witness that she would have another one. That she could give the love she never had, protect where she had been forsaken, be with people she belonged to.

"You are really my son." She stated in utter amazement.

He sighed again, his face reminding her so much of Ben's. The same handsome features, the same movements when being worried. "This is complicated. Yes and no. Right now, I'm a possibility the Force shows you." He lifted his arm, it was flickering. It was there one moment and gone in another. "The longer you stay here, the more I disappear."

She reached out and touched his face, it felt so real. She was aware of his words, but the again she wasn't. Everything was so confusing.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finn ran away from the fire, careful to avoid any Stormtroopers. He couldn't believe his plan was working out. "Good ol' fire, always does the deed."

He soon reached the clearing where they left their ship. It was dark by now. Only a few Stormtroopers were left to guard it. He studied their movements, hoping to somehow figure out which one was Kenny, but he had no luck. He was sure that Rey or Ben could immediately tell just by sensing them, but he had to trust his gut.

He counted the Stormtroopers he could see, only five of them left. One of them on his side. He calculated his options. He could try to kill them, but he didn't feel comfortable with that anymore. Besides, starting a fight would alert the others and draw them back and he had to board the ship without anyone noticing he was even there.

He looked around, trying to find anything, to get any inspiration on what to do next, when he noticed a couple of Porgs nearby.

"Hey, little guys." He whispered. One of them darted towards him, looking curious. "I could use some help."

The Porg made a noise Finn interpreted as something along the lines of 'sure, dude' and reached into the pocket of his pants. He pulled out a glowrod he stole when leaving the Resistance. He then loosened his belt. "Sorry, buddy." He grabbed the Porg, "Hush, don't be so loud." He told the squeaking animal and buckled the glowrod around his body. He activated it and a bright yellow light appeared. "Now, go!" he gently pushed the Porg away and waited.

"Look!" One of the Stormtroopers said, "What is that?"

"Some kind of light." Another one answered. "Let's check it out."

Much to Finn's luck three of them went to after the Porg, that left only two to avoid.

"Here goes nothing." He said and ran towards the ship. He almost reached the entrance, when he felt a blaster pressed into his back.

"Freeze, traitor." He heard a familiar voice.

"3045" the second Stormtrooper appeared. "What are you doing? We are ordered to kill anyone who isn't Kylo Ren."

Kenny ignored the other Trooper and whispered into Finn's ear. "Quick, grab my blaster and knock me out and then him too."

Finn needed a moment to realize what he had to do. "Thanks. We will see each other again, I promise." He grabbed the blaster and did as Kenny said. He knocked him out as gently as possible. Then he shot the other surprised man in the leg, went over and hit him over the head.

He brushed sweat away from his forehead and entered the ship. Now he had to wait and hope that Ben and Rey would be back in time and before anyone would discover he was on board.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben finally made it to the cave he sensed the lanais. He slowly walked into it, finding the 'Fish Ladies' as Finn called them, scared in a dark corner.

"I'm not here to harm you." Ben said slowly.

The lanais huddled closer together, with one of them moving forward, stepping courageously in front of the others. She glared at Ben.

He had no way of understanding them other than trying to figure out their feelings through the Force. He figured it must have been how Luke used to communicate with them.

He sensed fear and anger. A lot of anger.

"I'm sorry we brought this destruction to your home." He apologized sincerely. "We never meant you any harm. We just want to leave this place, so you can be in peace again." He lay Rey down in front of them and removed the bandage from her wounded arm. "I know I don't deserve to ask you for your help, but I'm begging you. She is dying."

The lanai in front of them turned back to look at her people. Ben was aware he was witness to a silent conversation between them. They were trying to figure out rather to help him or not. Other than before their feelings were guarded. He had no way of knowing what they were deciding.

Rey moaned. The pain killer was losing its effect. "Please." He said again. "She doesn't deserve this."

The lanai turned around again, eying Ben suspiciously. Then she waved her hand signaling him to make space for her. She took Rey's arm and examined the wound. She waved her hand and two more lanais were moving forward.

Ben didn't dare to even make a move, he was too afraid to interrupt them and scare them away. For now, it looked like they were helping Rey.

One of the lanais got some water and started to clean the wound, while another one started to mash some plant together. Rey was getting weaker, he could feel it.

"They know what they are doing."

Ben almost jumped up when his Uncle suddenly appeared next to him. "You again." He hissed, his eyes immediately back on Rey.

"The girl is stronger than the strongest Wookie. She'll make it." Luke obviously tried to ease the mood.

Ben was not having it. He didn't care for his presence and resented those poor attempts to joke.

One of the lanais grabbed Ben's hand, she pointed to Rey's head. He only vaguely understood what she wanted. He placed her head in his lab and held her tight.

The other lanai started to put the ointment she made on the wound. Rey started to shake violently, started to scream in pain.

Ben held her tightly, feeling more helpless than ever. "Rey, Rey shh…it will be alright. I'm here, love, I'm here."

Another lanai came forward, bandaging the wound again. Rey was still shaking, her breathing was getting faster and faster.

"What is going on?" Ben asked frantically. "She is getting worse."

Luke said down behind him. "Trust, nephew. Just trust." He said calmly.

Tears were running down Rey's cheek. Ben leaned down, kissing her forehead, her cheeks. "You will be fine. You can do this."

A lanai exchanged a serious look with Luke, one that went not past Ben. "What is it?" He asked worried.

"I'm not sure." Luke muttered. "I think she…" he leaned closer, looking at Rey, "I think she trapped herself somehow."

"How is that possible?" Ben asked, but he didn't really need an answer. The Force again, always the Force. He made a mental note never to return to this planet should they make it out alive.

"The lanais medicine is strong, she should get better." Luke said. "Reach out to her, try to help her out of it."

"How?" Ben asked. He was scared and tired and without any patience. He just wanted her back.

"You love her, don't you?" Luke said, "Figure it out." Truth to be told, he had never encountered a situation like this, but he had to believe that Ben's and Rey's bond would be strong enough to overcome this situation.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since no one tried to blast them out of space, Poe was sure the Star Destroyer had not noticed them.

He slid off the Captain's chair and reached for the communication system. It was a stupid attempt and dangerous on the top of it, but the only thing he could try in their position.

He activated it. "Rose, what is the number of the ship they took?"

Rose needed a moment to understand what he way trying to do. She wanted to protest, but the look of determination in his eyes told her that even trying to talk him out of it would be for nothing. "0015008" She said, praying that the Star Destroyer wouldn't notice them sending a message down to the planet.

"This is the Millennium Flacon, Captain Dameron speaking. 0015008, do you copy?" He waited. Nothing happened. No answer. "0015008, this is Captain Dameron from the Millennium Falcon, copy!" His voice got louder, more desperate.

Again nothing. He was ready to give up, then a crack in the transmission and suddenly a familiar voice. "Poe….that…you?"

The connection was terrible and he could barely understand him, but Poe grinned from ear to ear. How much he missed that voice. "Finn!" He shouted excitedly, "Finn, buddy! It's so good to hear your voice!"

Rose leaned over his shoulder. "Finn! Are you alright? Is Rey with you?" A happy tear rolled down her cheek.

"Storm…troopers….every…where"

Poe tuned the volume up, but it didn't change anything. "Finn, I can barely hear you."

"Rey….hurt….Kylo….here…..help…."

With another crack the connection was broken. "No, no, no!" Poe rammed his fist into the wall. "Not now!"

"Calm down." Rose said and sat down in the co-pilot chair. "Let's gather what we know. There are Stormtroopers, Rey is obviously hurt, Kylo Ren is down there and they need help."

Poe sat down again.

"So, are you the best pilot in the galaxy?"

Poe just nodded.

"Then get us down there."  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You have to go!" He said over and over again, but it was in vain. She was like captured in a trance.

"But it's so peaceful here. And I have you. I will have your sister. Family…" The world meant so much to her. She thought she moved on from her childish dreams of being part of a family, but now it all was back, and she refused to let it go.

He reached out, trying to grab her shoulders, but his hands went right through her. He was starting to fade away. "If you want to meet us, you have to go!"

"I can't…I can't…I can't…" she repeated. "All the pain, the fighting…I can't."

"Stop focusing on what might happen and cherish what you have." A female voice suddenly said. The girl from her previous dream, her daughter, appeared next her brother. She looked less like a real person this time and more like a ghost.

"I just met you." Rey didn't understand why she had to leave them. She wanted to stay with them.

"If we are meant to meet, we will meet." The girl said, tears running down her cheeks. "Go back."

Rey titled her head. "I don't understa-"

"Come back to me, please."

His voice. She suddenly heard his voice. He sounded so broken, so scared.

"Fight this. I know you are tired, but you are so strong. Please don't leave me."

Something inside of her snapped. She got up. He was calling out to her.

"Rey…"

She looked at the children. Their forms were clearer now. Still ghostly, but not as translucent as they were before.

"Daddy needs you!" The girl cried.

"Go back." The boy said.

Rey fought back her own tears. She understood now. The Force was showing her a potential future. If she was strong enough to make it through this war, Ben and she had the chance to have something they always wanted in life one way or another. Their own family. Each other and maybe even children. They could make sure the next generation would grow up differently than they did.

"I will fight for you." She promised. "And for myself." She promised.

"I love you." His voice called out to her.

She reached out her hand and touched his cheek as she opened her eyes. "I know." She whispered back.

"Rey." He kissed her lips and leaned his forehead against hers. "I thought I would lose you."

She smiled weakly. "You're not getting rid of me so fast." Her breathing calmed down. "The Force…it showed me…something…incredible…"

"Shh." He gently interrupted her and kissed her forehead. "Tell me later, you need to get better first."

She nodded. "Water?" she asked and one of the lanai handed her a wooden cup. Rey was too weak to question their presence and accepted that she just missed a few things while she was passed out.

"I was scared." Ben admitted. "You were not waking up."

She put the cup away and snuggled against him. "I was lost, but your voice guided me home." She grabbed his hand and placed it over her heart. "You are my home."

Luke watched the scene in front of him, touched by the amount of love he felt. He never expected the events that started a long time ago to unfold like this, never expected his lost nephew to find a love so strong that it had the chance to overcome not only darkness but bring true balance. Maybe, he thought, maybe that was what needed to happen all along.

"You have to go." Luke said then. "Get off this planet or you will miss your chance."

Rey, just noticing him now, gasped and screamed. "What….what….you are dead."

Luke playfully rolled his eyes. "Thanks for reminding me."

Rey looked at Ben. "Am I hallucinating?"

Ben smiled. "I wish. No, he is a projection from the Force. Long story. But he is right, we have to go." He helped Rey on her feet, but she immediately stumbled down again.

"Sorry." She panted, the infection was not lethal anymore, but it was still there and her body needed to rest.

"Don't apologize." He kneed down in front of her. "Can you climb on my back?" He asked.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and swung her legs around his hips.

"Good." Ben said and got up with her. A lanai then placed a small bottle in his hand and closed his fist. He recognized it as more medicine for Rey. "Thank you. All of you." He then turned to Luke. "I don't know what you expect, but if this is goodbye…"

"Who knows?" Luke said mischievously and disappeared.

Under different circumstances Rey would have treated Luke's sudden presence with more gravitas, would ask questions and want to talk to him, but right now they had no time for it. Rey pressed her cheek against Ben's. "That was so weird." He couldn't argue with that.

They made their way out of the cave. The sun was slowly rising. If for once Finn was listening to instructions, they didn't have much time to get back to the ship.

Ben didn't dare to run with Rey on his back, but he walked as fast as possible, trying to be soundless and not to alarm any Stormtroopers. He couldn't see any smoke, so the fire was out.

"Watch out!" Rey suddenly yelled.

Ben jumped, she clung to him and a laser shot just barely missed them.

"Great." Ben said. Three Stormtroopers appeared behind them. He had no choice, but to fight. He focused on the first and smashed him away, the other two however were too fast. He couldn't move freely with Rey on his back.

Another shot barely missed them. He started to run, stopping every once in a while, to look over his shoulder. She was a target on his back and he was not going to risk her life again.

"Ben." She said, "Just focus on running."

He needed a moment to understand, but then she moved on his back and he felt her using the Force. She pushed back their attackers and new ones that followed. It took all of her energy, but it was the only way to make it off there alive.

When he saw the clearing with their ship still there, he dared to breathe for a moment, but the relief didn't last long.

Stormtroopers marched on from everywhere and TIE Fighters started to shoot at them. How he dodged them, he wasn't even sure. Maybe the Force guided him, maybe it was just pure luck.

Rey suddenly went numb on his back, she passed out again. He grabbed her arms, making sure she would stay steady. Using the Force had been too much for her. "You did so good." He said, unsure if she could hear him.

He kicked a Stormtrooper close to him and pushed another out of the way. He heard the sound of a laser beam being fired but it never reached him. From the corner of his eye he saw one Stormtrooper behind a rock, shooting one of his comrades into the arm and helping them escape. He wasn't sure if it was KN under there or another yet unknown ally, but he gave him a thankful nod.

He reached the ship and pushed the door open, placing Rey on the floor before shutting it again.

"Finn!" he yelled and ran into the cockpit. "Move! Move! Move!" He almost pushed him off the pilot's seat. "Take care of Rey and grab something."

Finn didn't argue. He got Rey up and put a seatbelt around her and another run around himself. She pulled her closer to keep her sitting. "What is the plan?" He yelled, but Ben didn't answer.

Ben's mind was racing. They only had one shot to make it out of there and he couldn't blow it. He always felt more connected to his Skywalker heritage, now he hoped that his Solo side was just as strong.

He started the ship, avoiding the shots from the TIE Fighters. Their ship was too damaged to fight back, they needed the lasting energy to get away from that planet.

"Hold on tight!" He shouted before trying a maneuver he thought his father would have enjoyed. He stopped suddenly before flying backwards, then he shot straight into the sky. When two TIE Fighters approached, he let the ship fell back down again, leaning them to crash.

"Are you mad?" Finn yelled. He tried to keep Rey from falling and himself from throwing up.

Ben ignored him. He speeded up again, flying a looping and another one and a vertical spin, avoiding being shot before he finally managed to get off the planet. The hardest part was yet to come. Hovering over them was the Star Destroyer, ready to shoot them down. "Not today." Ben said and flew right under the big ship before emerging on its other side. The Destroyer was turning around, and Ben hit hyperdrive.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The moment the Falcon emerged on Ahch-To Poe and Rose wanted to immediately turn around again. TIE Fighters and Stormtroopers on the ground were everywhere, shooting merciless at something they couldn't see at first.

Then they witnessed a scene, they neither understood or expected. Briefly they saw the lost Rebellion ship. Then Kylo Ren running towards it with an unconscious Rey on his back. Shortly after they entered the ship it lifted off the ground and escaped the First Order in a grand and crazy fashion that Poe silently admitted he couldn't have done it any better himself.

While the First Order was focused on the other ship, Poe quickly navigated them off the planet as far as he had brought them down there.

"Whatever was that?" Rose asked.

Poe had no answer. "We need to contact General Leia." He said. He didn't know what else to do. He was so close to getting them back and managed to lose them again.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leia was in her chambers together with Chewie when an excited C-3PO entered them, completely forgetting his usual polite knocking.

R2D2 followed him inside, beeping uncontrollable.

"What is it?" Leia asked hoping for good news for once.

"Princess…I apologize, General Leia, R2 and I managed to find a trace of Master Calrissian." He exclaimed, "At least RD thinks so." He added a skeptically, which caused the small droid to bump against him.

While 3PO was busy complaining, Leia turned to Chewie. "Take R2 and the coordinates. Time to visit an old friend." She hoped the droids were right and he was really there.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rey opened her eyes and sat up. Her head was hurting. She blinked. Everything was so bright and hot. The opposite of Ahch-To. "Where am I?" She turned around, noticing she was sleeping in Ben's lab.

"Welcome back." He said. A small smile crept over his face, but she could sense that he was tired, at the end of his own strength.

"Where are we?" She moved her hands. Just then she noticed the ground she was on. Hot, yet soft. "Sand?" She asked. "Where are we?" Her voice frightened and anxious. "Is...is this Jakku?" She just started to accept her past, the last thing she wanted was to return to the place with all the hurtful memories.

"Relax." Ben said softly. "This isn't Jakku." He got up and pulled her on her feet. "This is Tatooine."


End file.
